Go on and roll the dice, you only live twice, do it or die.

A couple years ago, I subscribed to Newspapers.com, which is really entertaining and wonderful for a trivia and history buff such as myself.  Maybe we aren't supposed to remember all the people who died in the past, but there were lots of characters who have gotten lost in all the information out there these days. I wrote about some of them back in March and there are many others I could write about.

So, starting today (this is post 1 of 2 today), my blog is getting a new life.  It's slow time at work now, the time of year when I have to look for work to get enough to pay the bills.  Off the clock, my life is changing slowly, but changing none the less, and it may result in my having more time to devote to my already-existing side jobs of CPR instruction and writing non-fiction with a few fictional stories here and there.

Our 26-year-old daughter is moving home at some point in the next few months, and as I'm cleaning out our son's old bedroom to let her bring in her stuff, I'm moving things around and getting rid of things that mean nothing to me.  There's plenty of that. I'm a packrat, not really to hoarder status because I have paths through all the rooms (LOL) but... just getting rid of things that I'm not attached to is working pretty well for now.  A new storage unit business has been opened just down the road from us, and after the "bug man" comes, I'm going to rent one for her extra stuff and my CPR business storage.  Since it's right down the road, it'll be easy to grab things as I go, kind of like I do from my garage now.  But when the garage gets cleaned out... that'll give us more room too.

When we moved in here, we never dreamed we'd still be here 25 years later.  Heck, we only had one baby and she was a toddler! We didn't even know there'd be a boy joining us in about 18 months!  Things have changed a lot, mostly in the amount of crap we've managed to cram into this place. It became too small the day I moved the crib into the "storage room" so that boy would have a room of his own.  I was never a great housekeeper, but when we got a dog who destroyed carpet and furniture, I was overwhelmed. I got depressed.  Then we got computers that opened us up to all kinds of information and entertainment, so I became an even worse housekeeper.  The kids weren't much help. We got more animals, then gradually they died out.  By this time I wasn't working 40 hours a week or driving and working, I was teaching and driving so I never had any free time whatsoever to work on the house. When I went back to nucs and the kids were in college or on their own, I was physically just barely able to work and function, and I was scared of mice coming out of cabinets and closets that needed cleaning. I got two more cats, but physically I'm still not doing that great.  I'm gradually getting better by making some changes that I won't go into here, but I'm looking forward to having more energy and if I can get the house cleaned up a little more (and I am getting there), writing will be easier because I won't feel like I should be doing something else instead!

Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one...

I'd planned to use this post to document my progress on the "40 bags in 40 days" project for Lent.  You know, 40 bags of decluttering... however, I've been working a lot!  I didn't do any decluttering on Ash Wednesday because I went to Randy's mom's house for dinner, but I DID clean up Sonny's bathroom and that WAS one bag of trash.

On Day 2 of Lent I cleaned off the bathroom counter.  Photos to come later.  Three bags resulted from that - one trash bag and two smaller gift bags, one for each child.

I went back to work after all the snow on Friday, and then worked in home health Friday night.  I worked Saturday morning and evening, and in between I went to Nashville and took back the rental car and finally got my car back, went to eat with Randy, his mom, his sister and her friend, and went to the karaoke pizza place.  Today I worked in the morning, napped awhile in the afternoon, and have been lazy, watching TV and playing online since.  So I guess I'm three days behind, because I really shouldn't count all three bags from Thursday.

Well... that's all I've got to say about that, so far.  More later...

One more time for all of the old times!

Yesterday I worked in home health and in my free time (and afterward) I did some karaoke "hopping."  My first stop was Knight's Pizza in Greenbrier.  They need a web page!  Hey, if y'all are reading this and you need a web page, let me know by posting a reply to this post and I will get you started cheap! 

The next place I went, after work, was CJ's Grille in White House. These folks need a web page too, but they DO have a Facebook page.  I put the other link in just because I know not everybody does Facebook.  For that matter there are still a few people who don't use the Internet all the time like I do. 

All that singing had me in a great mood going from my first patient's house to my second and going home too, although by then the singing was over because the voice was tired.  Of course I really enjoy doing home health, but some days the driving gets tedious and occasionally I am in a lot of pain from beginning to end and sometimes the next day as well. 

Today there was church and then dinner at Logan's in Clarksville.  Since then it's been a day for curling up on the couch and halfway watching a movie with Randy (Machete Kills - wouldn't have been my choice, but it's got a huge cast and it's somewhat entertaining.  I would rate it NC17 for violence and language, but it's certainly not boring.). It's cold and rainy here, and we've just begun to get thunder.  Thunder snows are rare.  I haven't heard any sleet, but hopefully it will just go straight to 3 or 4 inches of snow and we won't have any of this "wintry mix" we keep hearing about.

The first time I remember hearing thunder when it was snowing was when I was almost 11.  Mom was very, very pregnant with Garner and that winter had been particularly bad.  It was 1978,one of those years we ran out of snow days and some of those snows were over six inches.  It was a sort of scary afternoon, and we needed our clothes washed, and we didn't have a washer and dryer in our apartment so we got in the VW and went to the laundromat in Greenbrier.  (Now, there is a laundromat within walking distance!)  Dad came up there looking for us because we weren't home and the weather was horrible.  Everything was all right.  We were just hurrying to get everything done so we could get home out of the elements.  By the way, the website I used for that 1978 link is pretty cool.  One can easily compare the data from the past to the future to see if they still believe in global warming, or just to prove that yes, dear, we did get deeper snows and more of them in the '70s.  Don't ask me why.

Here's a healthcare funny I might share with my students.  What if the doctor wore the johnny?

'Cause we live in a time when meaning falls in splinters from our lives

Today has been a hard day.

It has been a month now, and I can't say it makes sense yet.  I feel terrible, like somehow I let her down by not being able to keep her alive.  She wanted to live, so badly.  And yet I know that she wouldn't want to come back now.  She suffered so much.  I think she just got so tired.

I miss her.  I wish I could have kept her with me for the rest of my life, but only if she was healthy and enjoying life, and not having to go through all that chemo and radiation.  I thought about that occasionally, like what if we were out on a Sunday afternoon and had an accident and went together?  But that's not the way it happened and for the family's sake, I know that's a good thing. 

This experience has changed me and I'm not sure I like the way I have turned out, but I have learned a lot about myself in the past month.

I know that life is short.  I have spent too much time playing cards and looking at silly blogs and tumblrs.  I am going to use my spring break a little more wisely than I have in the past.  I am going to declutter my house 15 minutes at a time.  Yes, that's a FlyLady concept but please don't put me on the email list!  I have to declutter my emails!!!  :D

I know that life is short and we should do things we want to do and things we think will make a difference in the world, even if the difference seems small.  I have searched my heart and my soul to figure out if I am headed in the right direction.

I have had to face some of my past, not that I have a lot of regrets, but I think we should learn from our past, and one mistake I have made over and over and over again is that I seem to never be happy.  Is that why I can't get a nuclear medicine job in Nashville, because I have the reputation for never being content where I am?  I know that's why I have such a dirty house, because I was never happy living here.  I wanted to live in Ridgetop.  Now, I don't have much reason to.  Mom's gone, Grandaddy's gone, and Randy works 40 miles from there.  This house is 17.5 miles from his work and 18.5 miles from mine... and I only work 10 months out of the year. 

I like my car, though.

I may not always like teaching but I like my classroom.  I could improve it, but I like it.

It's late and I have an appointment early.  It may not ever make sense, but maybe I can be at peace with that.

Come fly away, let's fly, let's fly away...

Are you familiar with the FlyLady?  I have been a fledgling off-and-on for awhile.  I don't usually like adhering to a "system" unless it's something I've designed myself (for example, I go through my list every morning - I made it up one summer when I was having a hard time getting up at a "decent" hour and getting ready to go anywhere - for some reason I have no problem remembering "Tea, hair, meds, dress, teeth, eat, phone.").  So, I've struggled with sticking to the FlyLady system too.

A lot of people who know me probably think I am fairly organized.  Most of them might be surprised if they came to my house and saw it in the pigsty condition in which it usually stays.  Many things have contributed to this.  It started when I was working part-time at NorthCrest and I felt guilty because I didn't have my house clean all the time.  Well, I guess really it started before that.  I was "born organized" as FlyBabies say, but when I started dating Randy I discovered that one could survive while flying by the seat of the pants (Not to be confused with "FLYing.") not just where cleaning is concerned but in many other ways as well.   A few years later I wanted to fill my house with more little ones - so I ended up with 3 cats and a dog - and my house got messier and messier.  Then my health started interfering, where I couldn't stand up for long periods of time.  And somewhere in there my work schedule started interfering too.  Not only was I working at home just to keep up, I was taking online classes... and of course I had to rebel and do nothing to "relax."

So the house is a wreck.

I REALLY want to clean it up and post pictures of before and after.  I am not sure I want people to know how bad it is, but maybe once I get it under control I'll be okay with it.  One challenge I have is that it's kind of like catching up on your laundry or your dishes or for us teachers, catching up all the grading... just because you get it completely clean (or caught up) doesn't mean you never have to clean it again.  It's a constant job; it never really ends.  The FlyLady system has a lot of built-in routines to address this issue.  I am going to try it again.  Now if this works I will have to write another blog entry about self-discipline and the Word of God... but more on that later.

SI... oh, who cares. When you close your eyes, do you dream about me?

Do you remember this song?  I do.  Does it have any significant meaning for today's post?  Well, it has a significant meaning for today.  I woke up early this morning, dreaming about someone from my past.  And in my dream I must have been watching something that would have happened 25 plus years ago and I said, "It's all right.  One day he is going to realize what he's missed out on and it's going to be too late."


And he did.  


And it was.  


And now I have these dreams from time to time and sometimes they worry me because back in the day I would dream about him two nights in a row and find out that something had happened, like his grandmother died, and there was something else, but I don't remember what.  Maybe when his aunt died, I don't know.  I didn't have a premonition about his mother, I can tell you that.  Well, I did in a way... a few months before she died I dreamed about him and wondered.  Nothing specific though.


I am still working on improvements (cleaning, specifically) and starting tomorrow (it's a holiday weekend) I'll go back to working on something for school every day, or every weekday at least.  I'm trying to do healthy things for myself too and I'm learning about herbs again.  I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I have toyed with the idea for a long time, but yesterday I was talking with my mom about... of all things, medical marijuana. Now, we didn't get into the whole, "This could be good for you," thing.  Nothing that deep, of course; it was more speculation on whether someone we know from a state where medicinal use is legal has a prescription.  She says no but this person is using it illegally.  I said maybe he or she is, maybe he or she is not, but if this person is using it, he/she very likely has an rx.  Mom didn't think this person had the financial resources to get a prescription.  It was at that point I stopped arguing with her because... well,  there comes a point in family arguments/discussions where tensions and voices are raised and motives are questioned (and you really do not want to know what motives have been questioned in the past).  We had not come to that point yet and I didn't think it was worth going there.  And somehow my thought process came around to what would I do if I couldn't teach anymore... I guess because the subject of our discussion is unemployed.  I thought, nuc med jobs are scarce everywhere, and if for some reason I couldn't teach, I'd want to move somewhere like Arizona and become a midwife or an herbalist or something like that.  I think another thought on my mind was what someone like Mom would do.  I don't know what she is going to do now.  I don't know how long she can keep her disability, her insurance, and all of that.  And how many people are out there who don't have insurance?  Who don't have treatments for diseases like cancer?  There's a lot to think about.


So is that what I need to do?  I don't think so.  I think teaching is the thing for me right now.  Someday it may not be, and when that happens, at least I know there are options out there.  

SI week 0 day 5: one more day...

Tomorrow's the last official day.  The good thing is that the tough part is done.  The grades are in and I just have a few more loose ends to tie up.  Yesterday was the last day for the kids and tomorrow all they're going to do is hand out report cards.  That may mean I have students coming in and out, but I don't know.  I woke up at 2:35 this morning.  I checked my e-mail and read the FlyLady digest.  I don't remember much of what it said, but in the shower I thought to myself, "I deserve peace."  FlyLady is big about encouraging her followers to say "I love myself," and I'm not arguing with that.  As a Christian though, I tend to think that I don't deserve a whole lot.  By that I mean that I believe I have good things by the grace of God and not anything I have done.  What I thought in the shower, though, is what's in my control.  I should treat myself better than to run myself ragged trying to do the impossible, or to beat myself up for things I cannot control.  I don't need to beat myself up for things over which I once had control but don't anymore. (in other words, things I screwed up).  


In turn, I deserve respect from others whether they are my students or my supervisors.  I deserve proper treatment and I am going to start expecting it.


So I got a lot done at school today. I didn't feel really good and I had to do a lot of running around. I will be doing even more putting stuff up tomorrow and hopefully no one will want to use my computer expertise.

I got more done here than usual too. Folded clothes, washed dishes, and now I'm watching "Trauma: Life in the ER" and getting ideas for how to use these in class. I can't keep showing episodes of "House" UNLESS I find better ways to tie it into my standards. However, I have NO problem at all using TV shows, movies, etc. to teach the kids while they think they're doing something else. 

SI wk 0, day 4: And when I'm itchy, I scratch.

Anybody remember this one?  It was from Sesame Street back in the 70's.  

Today did not start well.  Randy played yesterday's messages and we learned that Derek's surgery has been postponed for two weeks. This means his jaw will be wired shut when we planned to go on vacation. That means we've got to reschedule not just us but six or seven more people. But he is a good kid; he said not to worry about him. Bless his heart. 

After that we discovered that the cat crapped in the bath tub and vomited in the hall. Not only that but he crapped on a towel in the bathroom too.  Not a good morning.

Work was easy, relatively... my first block took their exam and I graded it, and spent most of the rest of the day doing the end-of-year packing and paperwork.  We have 1.5 more days, and I'll spend them doing more of the same.  It's all right.  I'm going to spend a little time each week preparing for next year.

Randy is practicing and Derek went to spend the night with a buddy.  Rach moved out today, to start her new summer job as a youth worker intern at a church in Nashville.  I've been sitting here itching all evening.  I don't know if the loveseat's got fleas or what.  (That would figure, wouldn't it?)  I need to stop being so lazy but I figure I'll work hard tomorrow.  Just doing some laundry tonight.

Summer Improvements Week 0: It's a beautiful morning

 I should've started my series on Thursday.  That night I had a sink full of dishes that no one had touched for days.  I felt bad about it because I hadn't done them... but nobody else here had either!  (In my defense, I had transcription work Monday night and Tuesday night and choir practice at church Wednesday night - after working all day at school those days) Thursday night Randy had a dinner for work and I didn't want him to come home to this yet again.My plan was to take pictures as I made progress.  I took pictures as I waded through the dishes but didn't take one when I finished!  Well, it does look better.  With neuropathy, standing for long enough to wash that many in one session is not an option.  It took me four short sessions to do it (broken up by laundry-folding sessions) but three hours later I got it all done.  So far it still looks pretty good!!!

So today I started my walking program again.  There are so many dogs in this subdivision.  I don't mind dogs but all the barking... well, if their owners don't like it they shouldn't have dogs, right???  I no longer own a dog.  :(  I miss my dog.  I sometimes worry that people will be annoyed because the dogs are barking at me and it's all my fault for walking.  But since most of the neighbors are dog owners, I guess I'm worrying for nothing.  

I saw a lot of pretty birds today. 

I don't have a lot planned today.  I'm going to graduation tonight, but other than that just getting ready for homecoming, maybe doing a little housekeeping.  Not going home tomorrow. so I guess I'll call Mom.  I have to go into "town" at some point and deposit a check, get creamer, and I might look for some plants while I'm out.  I dreamed I got some... I also dreamed I went to Hawaii.

I actually made it all the way around the circle with the exception of the part between my house and the highway, then took a break in the hammock for 10 to 15 minutes, came in and had breakfast (a peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread).  Now I've got to get up and take my medicine, change the litter, and just do what comes up!

Summer's comin' and it's gettin' warmer

It's a line from "Runaway" by Jefferson Starship.  Love, love, love that song.

In less than a week I'll be celebrating the last day of school and the beginning of my summer vacation!!!  It promises to be an interesting summer.  D's having surgery, we're going out of town at some point, and I'm not taking classes.  I'm taking a break!

I find myself making summer resolutions, like some people make new year's resolutions.  I'm going to get the house cleaner, I'll say to myself, or I'm going to lose 10 pounds.  I'd like to do both this summer.  So begins a new "series" so to speak - Summer Improvements.  I'd like to write about what I'm doing and post photos of it too.  I have plenty of tech gadgets.  I've got a Kindle Fire, a laptop, an iPad (thanks, SHS) and a new iPhone.  I can post pics of anything.

What's new, pussycat? Wo-wo-wo-oh!!!

Rachel's been here for a post-mission trip visit. She just left. I hate to see her go so soon, but... that just goes with life, sugar.

D's spending the night with a buddy.

Randy's cleaning up the storage building.

I've been updating events on websites... seems like I get that task no matter where I go. I do that on the school website, the church website, the HOSA school website... how did I get that task???

I was feeling a little frustrated. It happens so easily. I get overwhelmed with all the junk in my life and all the unfinished business I have. I have a dirty house, a big research project looming in the headlights (and getting bigger as I get closer to it) for one of my graduate courses, a smaller, but still huge work project coming up in the next few days at school, church tomorrow (two services... one should be really cool), a part-time job that doesn't pay all that well but is something that comes natural and it's something I can do at home, a full-time job that wipes me out mentally and sometimes physically and requires more time than I am willing to give it while paying about half the salary I used to make before being laid off 3 years ago, a chronic illness that tries my patience and confuses me to no end; sometimes it's easy to deal with and at other times, it's literally a huge pain. And then there are the usual things... bathrooms, furniture, and floors to clean, dishes and laundry to wash, and meals that need preparation. Thank goodness Randy doesn't mind cooking. I have a wonderful husband and two fantastic kids. Fortunately, they don't require a lot of my time anymore, but I want to spend time with them. I have parents who don't ask a lot of me, but I want to spend time with them too. I have brothers, sisters-in-law, a mother-in-law, nieces, nephews... you get the picture. I have a church family and good friends. I have a great life and it's rich and full. Unfortunately, I just don't manage my time the way I should.

I want to write. I don't usually think of that when I'm making goals for my life because... I just don't. I don't see it ever being lucrative enough for me to do it full-time. I do get a lot of my writing "jones" out by blogging and all that web work. With my "side job" of transcription, and the writing I should be doing in my online class, and especially as a teacher, I get plenty of opportunities these days. I've spent most of my life thinking, someday I will write the fiction stories that I have stored in my head all these years. Now I'm 44 and wondering, how many years do I have? Maybe I will live another 44 years, but I am already diabetic and don't eat the way I should... so really, who can say? I read an article in the Tennessean today and it got me to thinking too. It was about a woman who has dementia - and she's 49. I'll be 45 in a few weeks. That's scary.

So I was looking at "Pick the Brain." It's one of my favorite websites. I check it two or three times a week, sometimes more. I like it on Facebook, so that helps remind me to check it often. It's an inspirational - motivational site, which is something I've found really helpful over the last year. Anyway, I was reading about how "I'm the problem" and it reminded me of how often I've looked at my life and wondered, why did I end up (insert fault here... I'll give you some ideas... fat, broke, living in a perpetually-dirty house that isn't worth what I owe...)? The "fat" part - strangely, being fat doesn't bother me as far as my appearance goes, because even though I'm heavier than I've ever been, I'm still sort of in the middle. I know many thinner people and many fatter people. I still look all right, most of the time. It's my health that worries me. I wonder if my feet would feel better if I wasn't carrying around all the extra weight. I know my knees would.

I have a wonderful marriage. But sometimes I wonder - does Randy secretly wish he'd married the girl who married an astronaut? Would he have been better off if he had? Would she? I don't know. We'll never know. It doesn't matter, really. It didn't happen.

The more important question is, what can I do to become what I want to be? Or who I want to be? Am I ready to make the changes I need to do what I want???

live like... you were dying???

The day Derek was born, I called our church (at the time). It was, after all, Wednesday evening and everyone would want to know. The young lady who answered the phone was a high school senior and the daughter of a couple who had made us feel so at home in our short time there. Now Derek is 17, and today that young lady's youngest son died at the age of 10, after fighting a brain tumor for over a year. I had hoped I would catch her to give her a cap Randy got. I'm sorry that I didn't get that cap to her and Andrew.

Shortly after I heard that, I read a blog post by a woman who has lost 200 pounds. It was called "45 Simple Actions to Start Losing Weight." One of the actions: "Deal with Stress." I'm not sure how to do that. I guess I need to figure that out. This woman wrote about the stress she had from her job. I know that feeling. Some days I hate it. This week, I'm trying to get everything done so I won't have to do it during Spring Break, next week. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to get everything in. I planned to go visit Billie and Andrew last weekend. I kept over-extending myself. I stayed too long at Mom's, then at Dad's, on Saturday. Not that I regret that, I don't regret visiting my parents at all... but then I was going to eat at a fundraiser with Randy. I then had to finish a transcription assignment that I didn't complete Friday evening, because I got a late start.

Then I had classwork to do before midnight Sunday night. Though I fooled around a little and napped on Sunday afternoon after lunch, I managed to get that done at a reasonable time. Then I didn't leave myself enough time to grade my students' work because when I got through with my classwork I played online Boggle for too long. I gave up Spider Solitaire for Lent and then turned around and started playing Boggle. I am not all that great at it, and last night I decided to give it up too.

Yesterday, a couple of students and I talked about that song, "Live Like You Were Dying." They didn't really get it. I said, you know, we shouldn't live our lives waiting for something to happen later. Live like you're dying doesn't mean lie in the bed waiting for the angels to escort you home. It means live now, instead of putting things off until later. I don't know if I adequately conveyed my feelings. But in the last two weeks, when so many people have died, it means so much more.

I started teaching in August of 2009 and in the whirlwind of never-ending work and the heat of that first classroom, I lost 13 pounds in 3 months. Since then I have put on almost 30 pounds. Oh, it varies from day to day. This morning it was actually 24.5 pounds. And in November 2008, I think I even weighed less than that Nov. 2009 weight. I hate that I've gained so much weight. I don't hate myself and I don't even hate my body, but I need to get in better shape because I want to be healthier. I know a great deal of my problem is stress. I come home, eat, and have to do more work before bed. Some nights (like tonight) I put off working until it's too late. I really don't waste a ton of time on Facebook, but I spend a lot of time looking for that elusive nuclear medicine job, or some other job that promises more money and more time to relax outside of work. Next thing I know, it's 10:30, I haven't read or relaxed, I'm depressed from not finding that "perfect" job, I've still got a sack full of ungraded work and piles of housework to do, and I need to get to bed.

I don't always work as efficiently as I should. Some days I write in my blog and spend 30 minutes on Facebook. I did a lot today and I could do a lot more. I could probably stay up all night. I stayed until 7:00 doing work and grading journals. I have two more classes of journals, posters to grade, and exams to grade. I'm going to bed. I need to start living again.

But I didn't want to turn this into a story about me. I wanted to say, we all need to live like we're dying. We need to live. We need to love. We may need to work too, but we can't keep putting off our lives, because the future isn't promised. Today is a gift and we need to be grateful for it.

Gotta keep those a-lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with you

"I, I love the colorful clothes she wears..."

I love to wear colorful clothes, but mostly, I wear black these days, because I don't have much time for, or interest in, shopping. I've been in one of my funky moods where I spend all my non-working hours online looking for a second (or third, or fourth, or whatever) job. I WAS spending a lot of time playing Spider Solitaire, so I consider this an improvement.

Don't worry about me though, I'm really not depressed. I laugh a lot and I am happy with all the relationships in my life. I'm looking forward to Christmas. I feel a lot of good vibrations!!! I just have too much going on. Like...

Teaching: I've got a lot more grading to do, and I've had a busy week. Next week we have exams and then...2.5 weeks off!!! This semester has flown by, and I can't believe it's almost over. I have 4 observations next semester :\ Not sure how I feel about that. If I can get through them, I'll be ready to get my license advanced. On the other hand, sometimes I think I'd go back to nuc med...if anyone had an opening...if anyone would even consider me if they did.

Other jobs: Nuc med's not hiring. CNA jobs are out there, but I haven't even gotten to a real interview. Don't know if it's the fact that I have another job, or because I have more education, or because nobody wants someone who's had five jobs in five years. (Actually, this time last year I'd had six jobs in 5 years, but I've been at this one for a year and a half.) I'm working as a test proctor this Saturday, and I got a part-time online position today that I need to finish training to do. Writing is possibly another income stream...see below...

Preaching: I have to speak Sunday! Am I ready? No. Am I close? Well, if having an idea counts, then yeah.

Studying: I'm in the last week of online classes this semester. Sigh. I only have one big assignment left and uploading a few small ones onto my portfolio. Haven't decided if I'm going to take classes next semester, or wait awhile...I don't know. A lot going on, you know???

Writing: This is actually a pretty exciting time in my writing life. I'm the Nashville Southern Culture Examiner for examiner.com. Read all about it! I also have other writing ideas. I'm thinking I'll update my websites during Christmas break. I get a lot of interest in the site, but I really don't update it much. If I'm not in class, though, I might have time for updating ads and content.

Home: Rachel comes home next week...Derek's in school until the 22nd (I think)...after Christmas it's Randy's busy season. The house is a mess, though maybe better than usual. Still don't have the tree up, still haven't figured out how much more shopping I need to do.

Singing: Nothing much to tell here. I sang at church and then the Messiah on Sunday. Though I loved it, I'm glad to have a break. I'll probably sing at the Christian Care Center at some point during the Christmas break. We'll see.

Well, I'm going to bed now. Maybe I'll get enough sleep to get up on time!!!

How could I be without your love

I really wasn't writing with the intention of waxing poetic about my husband. I couldn't think of a "how to" song that I wanted to post. I like this one, though. It's pretty.

I have spent my evening searching "How To" articles online for help with a class assignment. The hardest part so far has been figuring out what I want to learn. I’m not saying I know how to do everything, because I don’t (as you’ll learn by reading this), but sometimes I feel like I know how to do too many things. I have craft supplies I don’t have time to use, holiday decorations I don’t have time to put out, and websites I don’t have time to maintain. I don’t always have time to go to the grocery store, much less cook. The things I’d like to learn how to do are too complex to learn in a Web tutorial. There are the intangibles, like “How to get a job in a stagnant field from which you were laid off,” or“How to find time to keep your house looking immaculate clean decent while you work full-time, take two graduate courses, raise a teenager, have three indoor pets, support a college student, stay married, and go to church.” Then, there’s the way too involved for the Web stuff, like “How to become a massage therapist,” or “How to make some extra money (for supporting that college student).” I’d like to solve problems. How about, “How to cure cancer,” or “How to stop domestic violence”?

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably thinking I need to find “How to Get a Positive Attitude!”

Seriously…maybe there’s a story there.

I went to Google. I typed in “how to” and then started with a, went to b, c, d, etc. all the way through the alphabet. Did you know you can learn to roll a joint on the Internet? I don’t need to know how to do that. After going through the alphabet I thought I’d start over and type ab, ac, ad, and so forth. You can learn how to abort a baby on the Internet. I would say, “Well, I never!” but unfortunately, I am NOT surprised at that. I didn’t know how valuable some of my knowledge was…such as “How to elope” (been there, done that), “how to flirt” (how do you think I learned how to elope?), “how to give a hickey” (not going there) and “how to do an EKG” (well, I did know that was valuable). Still, I kept going.

I got to “ezine” and almost stopped there, but the thought of adding another responsibility to my list seemed too daunting.

How to hook up a laptop to your TV…hmm…

How to make a QR code…that could be good.

How to build apps for smartphones…NOW WE ARE TALKING.

How to organize your home…maybe this is what I need, really.

It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

First let me say that I'm not referring to my marriage. Right now, that's fine. No complaints.

I picked this song for the title because today I've been bothered a bit by the mistakes I made in the past. While typing that sentence I wondered how many mistakes I've blogged about. I thought I'd read the entries from the month that had the most, July 2007...but I couldn't read them all because I remembered where they led, where I went the next few months. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I got the job I had wanted, the job that ended 18 months later. I had two grandparents living then...I don't have either one now. But that wasn't my fault and neither was the loss of my job. Still, even now I wonder how different my life would be if I'd stayed at Skyline instead of going to Clarksville Cardiology and then Vandy and then Dr. Mishra's and then Glencliff and then Springfield. I don't regret moving from Madisonville, or leaving the VA or leaving Northcrest. I would go back to any of them if offered the right job, but I don't regret any moves before leaving Skyline.

I don't know that regret is the right word for how I feel about the other moves. I had my reasons for leaving all of them. I thought Vandy would give me a more secure future and help get my kids through college. I thought I could make peace with my situation working for Dr. Mishra, but it was everything I didn't like about working in nuclear cardiology. I left the Cliff because I wanted to teach closer to home. I don't regret going to Springfield, and I'm not sure I regret going into teaching, but, I miss working in health care. And, I miss the money I used to make.

Nuclear medicine technology is an oft-misunderstood profession, as I've learned over the years, even since I left the field, as I wrote last night. All those years, I felt like it sounded impressive but it wasn't. Now, I think, that DID sound impressive, and in some ways it was, and all the while, I didn't like it.

I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I've raised two great kids, and for that I'm very happy and thankful. Otherwise, I've spent too much time eating, playing on the computer, driving too much, writing about nonsense, and learning about trivia. I haven't written anything great or accomplished great things either for God or my family. I live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes fall in the gap in between.

I haven't even made the most of this summer. I haven't cleaned the house as well as I should've, gotten in shape, or done enough fun stuff. Heck, I haven't even worked hard enough, because I haven't planned at all for this coming semester. And, it's coming fast. Not only that, but I've bitten off more than I can chew. But, I've done that for a reason. I have to do what I have to do.

Right now, I need to do laundry. So, I'll write more later.

I'm walking on sunshine!

Ever since I decided to ease up on myself ten or twelve days ago, life has been amazing.

Physically, the water experiment seems to be going well. I did not get all my water in today. I will do better tomorrow. I feel better, my skin is better, and I worked out today. I don't have to be skinny, but I'd like to be strong and active. Regular exercise helps me control my sugars, even if I don't change my diet. I'm planning to do more this summer, but I didn't want to wait that long to get started.

Mentally, things are all right. School is getting to those final days when nobody - including me - wants to do anything! Fortunately, I have some interesting topics going on so they're having a good time and doing something too. I'm getting ready to go back to school this summer. I've decided to get a master's in instructional technology. I feel like it's a good way to incorporate my website and computer expertise with education, and to broaden my horizons as well. I think the classes sound very interesting. I am also working on a trial article for an online publication. More on that later, I hope! There are also interesting things going on in Randy's work. They have announced that they're going to a larger building in Clarksville. There will certainly be some changes but not all the details are available yet.

Spiritually, I could be doing better. I feel that God is with me, working on me, and helping me in all ways. He's been good to me, but I really haven't been as good to Him as I should be. I've been thanking Him...but I could do better. Well, I will do better on that too.

The kids are doing great and Randy's doing all right too. Rachel will be coming home this week!

Now I am getting sleepy and I know I need to get in the kitchen & wash dishes. Just wanted to jot down the good stuff going on right now.