Thursday, December 29, 2016

I'm only human... of flesh and blood I'm made...

I don't know why I've had this song on my mind today, but I looked it up and it was released in August 1986.  I associated it with college, and I guess that's why... that was right before my 2nd year at APSU.  I think if I ever write my Rhonda/Tony/Steve/Robbie story, and I'm sure I will, that song would be really good because the way it happened was that Rhonda and Tony were separated in the summer of 1985, and that was when Steve (or Allen Sinclair, or something) came to the house and Robbie came along about 7 or 8 months later, in the winter of 1986, after Rhonda and Tony had gotten back together.  That was, of course, before Rhonda and Sonny Stevens hooked up - what a weird match that was - and then she and Tony got back together again.

Reconciliation was a theme in several of my stories. My parents didn't get divorced until I was well into my 20s. Actually, I think I was closer to 30, but I try not to remember. I have always had a really good memory, but I'm starting to lose whole pieces, entire chunks of my past.  I need to start writing more, and yet, I feel like I write all the time.  I have many, many, many old fictional stories as well as true history to tell, and I feel like I'm running out of time to tell my tales.  Will I die before I get all my stories out there?  SHOULD I get all my stories out there???

I'm not sure I should try and publish all my stories (haha, really, I probably shouldn't publish any of them), but I definitely want to put them all down.  Maybe someone will enjoy them someday.  At least all my characters.  I don't write too many more characters but the two I've developed in the past year or so, in the time since I saw a certain picture at a certain school where I used to substitute, are some of my very favorites and in my opinion, two really good characters.  I'm ready to do more work in that area. I'd always hoped that someday I would be able to write and garden and do more fun stuff than work all the time.  Now I don't have much choice.  I need to work for the money, while I'm still mostly able to do so, but full-time nuc med work is hard to find these days in Nashville. Every job I apply for gets taken by some fresh-out-of-school kid who doesn't require as much money, but though I make more hourly, I don't make more overall. Subbing is terribly hard on me, mentally and physically, for the small amount that I make. I need to do more nucs but I really can't create more demand for that.  I knew what I was getting into when I went there, and I thought I could make enough on the side to make it work out.  But subbing doesn't really give me the amount of joy I thought it would. I just don't have the stamina to keep up with the little ones and the bigger ones give me headaches.

Honestly, I think the time has come for me to spend my days off working on the house and creating a balance between home and health and working and writing, something that will be sort of an investment for the years to come mentally, physically, and financially.  I wish I could go back and start all over in a lot of ways and financially probably most of all.  I don't regret some of the foolishness in which I've "invested" - Avon was a lesson and really should've been the lesson to end all lessons, but I had to get "robbed" one more time before that lesson sunk in - but I do wish I'd wasted less and invested more.  All the money I've spent on cell phone coverage and packages and gas for cruising and fast food and ice cream and interest on credit cards and late payments and Lord only knows what other fees... just because I have had no balance in my life.  All things in moderation, it's in the Bible and also something I believe to be the "gospel" truth, and yet I am so human.  I screw up every day.  Why does "bad" food taste so good?  Why does the grass look greener on the other side?  Why do we abuse our bodies so?  Why does alcohol feel so good when it's destroying our livers?  Why does sugar taste so good when it's destroying our entire bodies?  Why do we want what we can't have?  Because we're only human. 

Friday, December 09, 2016

me and my drum

Have I written about this song?  It's on TV right now.  It was playing in the room when my grandfather passed away... in a few days that will have been seven years.  Or as he would say it, seb'm years.  I miss him all the time.

My blog hasn't been very active lately.  My focus of late has been set on preparing for the ARRT MRI registry. I still have about 90 procedures to log before I can take the test, and it isn't something you just walk in and do before you've seen 10 of them.  It's not like what I do in nucs, which is so repetitive and so ingrained into my brain that I can actually focus more on taking care of my patients and doing the many other things that are part of the job.  I do hope I can work at least part-time hours in MRI for my current employer, because I've been a part of that environment and I really, really like the pace and the interaction with the emergency room there.

I want to write about so much more.  I want to write about medicine, and education, and places and people and fiction and non-fiction.  I want to keep teaching CPR and doing nucs and MRI and hopefully some TEE too, although I think they're more likely to get one of the heart station techs for that.  I like being there.  I like what I do for a living.  I like doing it there and in the capacity I do because it is a good pace for me.  I'm getting old and I need all the help I can get.

So tonight I'm writing about writing.  I have been journaling as I usually do, documenting everything from my desire to drink a whole quart of boiled custard (not something I would recommend for a diabetic) to details of Randy's eye disease.  For me writing is not just something I do to document history or to tell stories, it's something that helps me sort through the insanity that runs through my brain. 

My brain has caused me a lot of trouble, which I'm trying to turn into something a little more constructive.  Depression, or bipolar disorder if you believe the most current diagnosis (and I do), has taken its toll on me and this house.  Chronic pain hasn't helped either.  Diabetic neuropathy has been horrible to me.  I'm not quite as heavy as I was, but I'm more crippled by it along with the degenerative changes I've had, like plantar fasciitis, arthritis, avascular necrosis, and other issues.  And somehow during the years of constant lesson planning and grading and exhaustion, I totally lost control of this house and my finances.  I've been working on the house, not just to create a more writing-conducive environment but because I need to organize the budget and paperwork.  It's really not that we can't pay the bills anymore, because we do a pretty good job of it.  I just need to get ready for the day when I can't drive to Nashville anymore, when it's time to move to assisted living or what have you.  Hopefully, that day is a long ways off.

Today I cleaned under my son's old bed and then moved the queen mattress and box springs into his old room.  I have a place for the twin mattress and frame and the old box spring is ready for the dump.  I have a box spring for the twin where it's going.  I moved my old recliner and took a TV into the kitchen/office and I am set up to get this room and all its paperwork under control so I can get out of debt.  I do see that as a possibility someday and it excites me.  Getting in there and working was exciting for me too.  So hopefully, in a few days, I'll be ready to start on some of the projects I think about all the time... like updating all my websites.  The Hee Haw almanac and website need a lot of work and I have some real goals to work on.  I need to get my ads up to date on all my sites and try to make them pay off a little.  I want to sell some of the collectible stuff I have and thin out my collections.  I want to write a lot more about country music history because there is a whole lot of it to share.  I want to write about not just the health issues I have but also those that are in the news and on the medical TV shows... about health education for health science teachers and college students who are interested in medicine.  And music... I want to market myself as well as our band.  I want to have information about my health and wellness business.  And lest I forget, this is where I sometimes do a little preaching.  So watch this space for more...

Saturday, July 02, 2016

Don't waste a moment wondering why...

Well, I can't be a Cheatham Countian and not mention the most famous person who ever came from here, the late and definitely great Pat Summitt.  She died this week (in case you have been in a coma and somehow missed that).  Honestly, I don't have much more to say tonight, God rest her soul.

I do think tonight's song lyric sounds like something a coach would say... lyrics from "Do It or Die" by Atlanta Rhythm Section...

Don't let your troubles make you cry
Don't waste a moment wondering why
When everything goes wrong
You have to go on
And do it or die

Do it or die now
Stand your ground
Don't let your bad breaks go gettin' you down
Even when times get rough
And you've had enough
You still gotta try

Do it no matter what the people say
They don't even know you
Die before you let them stand in your way (Don't you know that)
You should know that... life is a gamble all along
Winners or losers you keep rollin' on
So go on and roll the dice
You only live twice
So do it or die

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Happy, happy birthday, blog!

TEN years ago today this blog moved from MSN Spaces to Blogger.  TEN years.  A chronicle of my life... 20% or so of my life... documented on the 'Net for all the world to see.  Yes, there were times there were gaps of up to 11 months.  Two different years that I posted only 5 times.  But, I can look back and smile, remembering things like my little girl putting the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier when she was 13.  Now she is 23... and almost 24.

I can't believe it's been 10 years since I started this blog.  Time flies, whether you're having fun or not!

I updated my health blog this morning and will update the Brewer's Chapel blog in the near future... maybe tonight.

Life is good and keep looking for more updates!

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

There's a church in the valley by the wildwood...

So today some of my friends posted a picture of themselves in front of a little country church with the caption, "The church in the wildwood."  Our church isn't exactly in the wilderness, but it's in the country and a sweet little place you'd hear that song. In fact, we sang it Sunday. 

It's appropriate because today, I'm gonna preach!  No, seriously I'm not "preaching" but I have prepared a "sermon" of sorts based on last week's lectionary passages. It was Pentecost Sunday and with that in mind, let me refer you to the biblical passages of the lectionary:;; and 

When I read these three passages I looked for a common theme and here is what I find:  glorify God. We are His creation and He rejoices in His creation. Our job is to bring Him glory. How do we do that? That's in the passages too:  we praise Him and obey His commandments. Jesus said in the passage from John that those who love Him will keep His commandments. I didn't really understand this until I had children. Then I realized that my rules for my kids were for their protection. And so were many of God's rules for us. One example is "Thou shalt not covet."  Yeah. I know. We ALL covet. Maybe we don't covet our neighbor's wife... Maybe instead we covet his Corvette or his bass boat or his lake frontage or something else, but coveting is part of our nature. But God said not to covet. Isn't life easier when we don't spend our time worrying about keeping up with the Joneses?  God had our best interest in mind when He made that commandment, and the others too. 

Jesus said that for those He loved, who loved Him, He would send the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, to dwell within us. And the  power of the Holy Spirit is great. We can't do a lot on our own but Jesus said if we ask in His name we can do all the things He could do. Remember some of those things, like healing lepers and blind people and crippled people??? He said all we have to do is ask. In His name. Now if we ask in Jesus' name we need to be asking for something Jesus would approve of, don't you think? Like healing or something else to - you guessed it, to glorify God.  So remember that. We have the power, He gets the glory. Amen!