Someday, lady, you'll accomp'ny me

I could've sworn I used this post title before... but I couldn't find it.  Doesn't matter.  I have had this song in my mind the last few days, and then I got "Roll Me Away," because it, too, was in my head.  I didn't really understand the feeling of wanting to just go back then, when those songs came out.  Now I do.  I wish I could've driven off and kept driving during my spring break.  It's OK though.  I did some different things last week after I got my medical stuff out of the way.  I had a fairly normal ultrasound, a cavity filled, blood work that I still haven't heard about... and then I moved a bunch of furniture from Mom's house and moved some out of here.  I rented a booth at an antique mall and a storage bin in Pleasant View.  Life is pretty good, I think.  I hope I feel the same way tomorrow after school.

Come on sugar, let me know!

Not really... the other day I thought, "Do ya think I'm sexy" would be a cool title for a blog entry... but next thing you know I'd be getting responses of naked people.  So I just put those words in the blog itself, and I'll take my chances.

Actually I have nothing sexy at all to tell in this post.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for many things in my life.  The $54 it cost to get Derek's car fixed - really thankful for that!  Praise God and thanks to Auto Service of Pleasant View.

Going to my brother's house for the big day tomorrow and may go to Dad's for awhile too.

A few weeks ago I got the urge - the quite sudden urge - to start working with pottery.  It was like I suddenly wanted to work with a pottery wheel.  I did some molding with clay, and I enjoyed that to some extent, but there aren't many real pottery classes around here.  So one day I thought I'd go to Hobby Lobby and see what kind of craft supplies they had and suddenly, I didn't want to do that anymore.  I decided to get back into crocheting.  I'm glad I did.  I am enjoying it even though all I've done so far is make a "bootie" for myself.  My feet get cold easily and then they hurt, but they hurt really bad if I wear socks!  So I'm making "booties" to wear around the house.  I may even line them with memory foam because they would then be a little more supportive for my arches and then the yarn wouldn't hurt my feet either.  (I have plenty of room in this first one I made.)

Back in black!

I am NOT celebrating Black Friday! (Actually, most people, excluding retailers, should call this "Red Friday." Or, everyone could call it "Green Friday.") Oh, I may go to the little gift store in Pleasant View & sample some of their hot apple cider. I may run through the little antique store there in town & see what they have. But at 4 AM I was snoozing in my warm, cozy bed! I liked what Pamela said about the things she didn't know she wanted...or needed...or just had to have. It's 5:30 AM where she is. I wonder if she's up yet?

After reading "Affluenza" I am just so annoyed with the whole commercial Christmas scene anyway. The crowds of people knocking each other down, the long lines & packed aisles, the shelves stripped bare of the very items I came to get (because I didn't beat people out of my way to get there first) - that stuff is straight from Satan. WWJD? Would Jesus knock somebody down to get an Island Barbie playset? We do all this to celebrate His birthday...?????!!!!!

Now, please don't get me confused with some radical who will protest by not spending a dime on anyone because that is so not true. I will probably spend in the neighborhood of $1200 for gifts for people. I have actually already spent around $400 of that. I will probably receive somewhere in the neighborhood of $200 for gifts for myself. Of course, Randy & my kids will get a lot too, so it's probably a pretty fair trade. It just seems like a lot out of my pocket.

If I had it my way, I'd cut my Christmas spending by a good two-thirds. Randy & I don't really get each other much, usually around $20 worth or something. We do spend a lot on the kids, but, we are very open with them now that they're older. I find it a lot easier to give them money & let them decide how to spend it. I like giving small thoughtful gifts too. For our parents, we usually try to be very generous too.

In general, we spend a lot less on his family than mine, simply because there are more people in mine. Now, this is not REALLY true because he has a lot more relatives than I do. We just don't exchange gifts with his three aunts, two uncles, all the associated aunts & uncles by marriage, or his eleven cousins & their spouses, or their children (I think there are 8 of them). We play Bingo on Thanksgiving for prizes we bring to exchange. That's just his mother's side - I really, truly have no idea how many cousins he has on his dad's side. His dad was one of ten kids.

Randy has a mom & a sister with a husband & two kids, one with a fiancee & soon-to-be stepson. I have a mom, a dad, a stepmother, two brothers, a sister-in-law, a niece, a nephew, a brother's girlfriend, & a grandfather. (Last year, I had a grandmother too.) I am not counting my stepmother's daughter, son, two granddaughters, parents, grandmother, brother, sister, in-laws, aunt, uncles, & nieces & nephews, the number of whom I have long since lost count. I don't exchange gifts with them. I used to give gifts to my stepbrother & stepsister, but now I just give to my step-nieces, because they are just little kids. And, we have - I have - several additional relatives who evidently have a lot of money, & for them to give all their great-nieces & nephews & cousins & the like gifts ranging from $10 to $40 is no big deal. For me, 7 cousins once removed plus their 6 parents plus their 2 grandparents plus all the others mentioned before - well, that adds up when you can barely hold your head above water. I tried not giving one year, thinking they would quit. No. So, we buy, they buy.

I feel compelled to share the fact that we see them once a year. Maybe twice, if someone gets sick or dies. I have other aunts, uncles & cousins who I do see & talk to more often (or at least I did while Granny was alive) but we haven't exchanged gifts in years.

For the record, I spent more on the distant relatives this year than I usually do. I didn't spend a lot per kid, but for the grownups, I bought things that meant something to me & I think will mean something to them as well.

I feel like complaining about this makes me sound really greedy. I really don't mind giving to all these people (though it seems a bit ridiculous to continue trading with the ones we only see once a year) but I wonder just how much of my debt that I struggle with year round for what seems like forever came from gifts I HAD to buy to keep the Santa myth going...& gifts I HAD to buy for people because I knew they were buying something for me.

Next year will hopefully be different & by that I mean, better. I restarted my Christmas Club account recently, so I shouldn't have that "OH MY GOSH!!! WHERE AM I GOING TO GET THE MONEY FOR THAT???" moment next year. I hope not, anyway. I am working so much more, surely we will manage to do better.

I may put up the tree today. Rachel got up early & made us some "Butter Braid." The choir sold them a month or so ago, so I bought two. Rachel fixed the first one a day or two after we got them. Today she fixed blueberry cream cheese. Yummmmm!!! I have another one ordered from a co-worker.

We went to Dover yesterday for Thanksgiving (where we played Bingo). We had a lot to eat there too! I didn't eat breakfast, which is unusual for me. Well, on the way down there I had a "Payday" candy bar, so that I wouldn't make a pig of myself. I didn't eat a huge dinner either, just a little cottage cheese & then some hot chocolate later. It's too bad I don't often have time for a nice lunch (& siesta to follow) during the workweek. That's usually the way I eat on Sundays. Late suppers don't go well with early mornings. They probably contribute to larger waistlines too.

Well, it's past nine now so I need to get busy. Can't sit here all day snoozing & goofing off.

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette!

I don't smoke. I smoked for about 15 minutes in my early 20's, never more than half a pack a day. I can see how people get hooked & have a hard time quitting. If they're like caffeine... Anyway, sometimes I can smell a cigarette & want one even now, all these years later.

Tonight I watched old cigarette ads on YouTube. I did not know that the Flintstones smoked Winstons. No lie. I DO - just barely - remember cigarette commercials (Marlboro, mainly), but none of the ones I saw tonight. After watching one, I remembered how I always wondered how people could ski and smoke at the same time. (That commercial is older than me, but I do remember seeing things like that in print ads.) Even then, I knew that water & cigarette paper didn't mix.

I DID know that some brands claimed health benefits. I used to go to a doctor who had cigarette ads framed on his office wall. I am pretty sure he did not smoke, but I'm sure he remembered "What cigarette do you smoke, doctor?"

I have the day off tomorrow. Yippee!!! I'm going to lunch with my friend Cindy & her son Mason.

I also plan to do some stuff here at home. I need a change in my attitude about home. I have been rather disgusted with this house for awhile. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I've never been a great housekeeper, but that's not the only problem I have with the house. I have never been too fond of the location. Randy grew up here, but his family doesn't live close by & none of his friends do anymore either.

I like three things about the location. I like the fact that it's a nice little place to walk. It's not a very long road, but it's not too short either. I like the fact that it's close to our church, and several others, too! This puts us in close proximity to several other church families as well. And, I like the fact that it IS close to the interstate. Inside the house, it is not noticeable 90% of the time, but because the interstate exit is close, driving in bad weather is usually not that bad.

I dislike several things about the location. It is close to almost nothing except what I mentioned before. Not close to my workplace or Randy's, or to the school, or to our families, or to a grocery store, bank, restaurant or post office. Now, country living is all right, but when nothing is close to anything else, it does make things complicated. Time-consuming, too. I dislike the proximity to all the other houses. If I'm going to live 6 miles from the grocery store, I'd like to have a little privacy. Things have gotten a little better between us & the neighbors, but it's not private enough.

The kids want to live in Pleasant View, in a subdivision, or somewhere they can be close to their friends & their houses. I understand that, but it is of no consequence. They hate it here, & by the time we repair our financial situation so that buying a new home is a possibility (rather than a huge leap that could bite us hard), they will be grown & gone & then I'll be here in this house without them. Then, I'll be looking for a place with NO land & NO privacy so I won't have to take care of the yard when Randy can't do it anymore.

In general, there is not a lot I just love about the house. I am fairly indifferent about most things about it. I don't hate the yard. I sort of like the color of the brick. I sort of like the fact that it's brick. Most of the things I like best are the things I had something to do with changing from the original. I like the central heat & air. I bought that. I like the floor in the living room. Randy installed that. I like the vinyl siding. My dad & brother added that. I like the bathroom we had repaired. I paid for that too.

When Granny died, I went to her house & picked up the country music DVD's I made for her. I joked that I always knew I'd have to bring those back home someday, but I figured by then I'd have more room to store them. And you know what? I still can't believe she's really gone. It just doesn't seem possible. I keep thinking that I'll go to her house & she'll be sitting there in that old blue chair that used to belong to Randy's dad, & she'll be watching basketball...or the Food Network...or the news, with the cat on her lap. But I know that's not true.

Anyway, I don't have much room to store the DVD's or anything else, either. I try not to envy the people who do, but it's hard when all your co-workers, your brother, & your kids' friends live in houses that are 2 or 3 times bigger than yours, with paved driveways & permanently installed dishwashers & more than one bathtub. I think, in general, that most Americans have more house than they need. Seems like everyone wants one that's bigger & better than the neighbors'. And, really, people build too many of them too. Here in TN, though, seems like once they get built, they get filled up. Where do these people come from??? This size house was fine for families 30 years ago, so why isn't it now??? We have too much stuff.

So, on that note, I'm going to bed. I can't sit here & ramble on about it. It makes me angry to think about Randy's attitude about it, the kids' attitude about it, my attitude about it, & the reality that no matter what attitude we have, we are stuck here for at least another year.

The road is long, with many a winding turn.

Although August 2007 was a month full of blessings, I can't say I was sad to see it go when I pulled the page off the calendar this morning. Like I said last night, it has been the hottest & driest summer on record here in Tennessee & I know a lot of farmers who are glad to see it come to an end.

Writing two days in a row is pretty good for me these days - I worked 50+ hours this week, so writing wasn't exactly my first priority when I got home.

I was reading some of my favorite blogs, & Pamela from "A Christian Home" shared a song that mentioned "skipping the book to read the final chapter," describing how we humans tend to want to view the destination as more important than the journey. That reminded me of my commute to Nashville. I thought back to the days when I worked at the VA (which is just across the street from where I park for my new job) & I made that commute five days a week, instead of four. I learned to love the journey. I hated that it took me so far away from my little ones who were preschoolers at the time, & I didn't always like being in the car for so long, but I loved the routes & alternate routes.

For one thing, once you get away from the urban sprawl, the scenery is beautiful. Even with the mostly brown grass, the hills are still verdant. With fall rapidly approaching, I have those colors to anticipate. After that season I love most comes the season I like least: when the days are so short. With my new work hours, this means I'll be making that commute in the dark both ways. We do have windows in our work area. I'll see my house in the daylight three days each week. As the days lengthen, if we get any snow, the hills will look like a Christmas card. I'll see them once the interstate is cleared for driving. Gradually, the brown branches will be covered in shades of yellowish-green, almost lime, then deeper & deeper to finally a forest green again.

Along the way there aren't a lot of places I can stop & grab the necessities of life, like milk & bread, but there are more now than there were ten years ago. Especially in Pleasant View, which has boomed since I left the VA. Back then I had to go to "The View" every day, since the kids stayed there while I was in Nashville, but now they get to & from there by bus. It's nice that I can stop there to pick up dinner if I need to, which I haven't yet, but it's nice to know it's there.

I do truly love the journey.

Listen to your heart

As I am writing this, I am unable to type a title in under "title." So, hopefully by the time you are reading this, I will have that fixed. If not, well, I'm going to call this one "Listen to Your Heart."

That's a whole lot easier said than done. If I followed my heart, I might change jobs once a week. Maybe more often than that. I've followed my heart all the way to over-my-head debt, trying to start my own business & be my own boss.

I pass the old tea room in Pleasant View on a regular basis. It's been sitting empty for 10 months now...still for sale...& every time we go by it Rachel says, "I wish I could have a bakery there." Of course, she will be a sophomore when school starts next month. I don't think the bakery's coming soon.

I think a bakery would be a good thing to have in Pleasant View, though I'm afraid if that happens it'll be someone else's investment, not mine. I know running a bakery is no picnic. I've seen how that works. I do love to bake but I'm afraid I'd hate it if paying my mortgage depended on it.

I am running out of time to write tonight. I've spent this evening taking R to piano, putting a new ringtone on my BlackBerry (not as easy as giving Cingular $1.99) and making sure the bills are going to get paid. Now I need to go to bed. So...maybe I'll write more about what's on my heart later.

Never say goodbye.

Tonight I'm going to wax nostalgic for a bit.

You see, here in Middle Tennessee, a unique and special man is leaving the airwaves, signing off after 41 years on the air. Well, maybe he was actually on air somewhere before 1967, but he's been at NewsChannel 5 since 1966. His name is Chris Clark.

Chris Clark has been at Channel 5 ALL MY LIFE. Not that the man is old. He is 68, but he looks like he's got plenty of years left. One of my co-workers said, "I remember when he came to Channel 5." I said, "I don't." Other news reporters have come & gone. The "competition," WSMV, Channel 4, has been home to John Tesh & Pat Sajak. Chris himself hired a young Oprah Winfrey. On the Channel 5 website, it says he is the longest-running anchor in Channel 5 history. Well, DUH! I wonder how many news reporters ANYWHERE have lasted at one station longer than 41 years. Not many, I would wager.

Here is an excerpt (well, most of) the e-mail I sent to Chris:

I was born in Nashville in 1967 & have lived in the Channel 5 Viewing Area
my entire life - in Ridgetop, Goodlettsville, Greenbrier, Clarksville, & Pleasant View. When I was 22 & moved to Madisonville, KY, I was so relieved to see that WTVF was on the local cable!!! My husband can vouch for the fact that when I was homesick, I would watch Channel 5 just to get a little dose of home. (Although I was known to cry at the sight of a Tennessee Pride sausage commercial. Something about tasting the sunrise, I guess.)

Chris, you have been one of the family. Your smiling face entered our living room every night at 6 sharp. When I was starting kindergarten my mom said, "You'll sit at a desk," & immediately I thought of Chris Clark & the news desk at Channel 5. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed when I got to school!

NewsChannel 5 without Chris Clark will be like fries without ketchup & cereal without milk - it'll still be NewsChannel 5 but it won't be the same!!!

Wishing you all life's blessings & especially a long, healthy & happy retirement!

I didn't share the story about my grandparents' dog, Dixie. She used to get excited at 10 pm every night because it was time for her evening treat. Granddaddy swore she could tell time because she would look at the clock. I countered that it was because she recognized Chris Clark's voice over the TV. Maybe we were both right.

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said about this man who has, in my mind, been synonymous with Channel 5 and Nashville news in general. When I was a kid, I thought he was at least as knowledgeable & popular as Walter Cronkite; as a young adult, I realized he was only human & wasn't perfect about everything, but you have to say this for the man - a more dedicated newsman you'll never find. I mean, 41 years at one job! That says it all.

Best wishes, Chris - we'll see you then.

I've got a mansion, just over the hilltop

And I can't wait to be there!!!

I started to name tonight's missive "nuts & bolts, nuts & bolts...". You know what comes next. If you don't...sorry. Ask a cheerleader.

I could use a cheerleader right now. Today has been a hard day. Work was stressful enough. Outside of work was stressful, too. Randy was home trying to get some work lined up for our plumbing. Randy & I don't do major plumbing or other major household repairs very well. By that I mean, not only do we not know beans about major problems, we don't emotionally handle those kind of problems well either. Give us a new surround sound or TiVo or computer network, we can handle that. We can scan your photos & mail them around the world. We can sing whatever you want to hear. We can produce musically talented younguns. But we can just barely plunge the toilet.

I really am not being fair when I say that. Randy can change a washer or even the sink or toilet itself. I can install washing machines. I can MacGyver my way into rigging together a toilet flush apparatus out of paper clips. I highly recommend a plunger for every commode in the house. And, as I said, Randy can even put in new toilets like a pro. But we are the dream customers for plumbers, because we will - left to our own devices - agree to pay whatever the plumber says we should. You say gold pipes are today's standard? Sure. They cost how much? Well, if we gotta have 'em.

My co-workers think I married an idiot. Well, I COULD sit back & compare husbands & get into vile name-calling, but I am gonna take the high road here. I didn't marry an idiot. As I said, he's a whiz at the wiring & sound stuff. And, he knows the difference in conjugating verbs & dangling participles. (Boy, has THAT been financially lucrative. Just like my knowledge of principles of accounting, identifying wildflowers, & comparing the vegetation of north- & south-facing slopes.) He's a good cook. He's a good daddy. He is a sweetheart who hung my new hammock, which I bought with my birthday money & immediately felt guilty about (turns out, though, the cost of the hammock is just a drop in the bucket, pun intended, in the grand scheme of the 21st century Watergate scandal). He hates me right now. I don't think there's anything I can say that would help that. I didn't tell him he was an idiot. He inferred it from what I said about my co-workers. And I didn't tell him everything they said. Nor did I tell them everything he said.

I am not going to say anything when he gets off the phone with his mama either. She's in there giving him names of plumbers too. When I did that I got lambasted. I don't hear him giving her down the road. (Honestly, though, I would worry if I did.) No, I am gonna take the high road here & NOT say, "See, even SHE thinks you could do better than that estimate you got." For all I know, he might've told her what a meanie I was, & THEN she went & got more numbers.

No, that's not what happened. She told her sister, who told her that we were getting reamed! & gave her a number for us to call. So she called to tell Randy, who felt more like an idiot.

Believe it or not, I can find things to be thankful for. It seems like a pipe dream to imagine moving out of this house & into something I might dream about. Unfortunately, I owe too much on this one & houses seem really, really expensive here to me. I found this article - America's 10 most overpriced housing markets - & believe it or not, I didn't find Clarksville, Pleasant View or even Nashville on the list!

Ten more things I'm thankful for, & then I have to get ready for bed.

1. My patients were all really nice today, &
2. All the stress tests went well.
3. I spoke to both my brothers - even the one who lives in NJ - today. And -
4. They're both doing fine.
5. I made it to Derek's band concert tonight just in time, & didn't even have to exceed the speed limit. much.
6. I am SO glad I have been using the CPAP. Without it, I wonder how I would be functioning right now.
7. I am SO glad I got rid of all those attempts at side businesses that sucked out a lot of my time & benefitted me very, very little. If I were still doing all that stuff, I wonder how much more of my time they'd be draining.
8. I am SO glad I got back into Southern Gospel music, because without the positive, upbeat messages I feed my mind, I would really be down & out right now.
9. I am SO thankful I won that mp3 player at the state nuclear medicine meeting 10 days ago, because it has kept me entertained & given me a lot more inspiration to sing!
and finally, though this might seem a little crazy...
10. I am SO thankful I read Vestal Goodman's biography, Vestal! this weekend, because I need all the inspiration I can get. And how they got money in miraculous situations - yes, Lord, I needed that.
Two more? Three? I got paid today. I have a check I forgot to cash from my grandmother. I also got a check for $50 from a prescription program Randy's enrolled in, where we get our copay back every month. And, they sent us next month's coupon too. Praise the Lord!

Quick, easy, & almost painless.

I've changed some of the You Tube videos tonight. I have been really, really busy the last day or two. Work has been crazy, life has been crazy, but all's well & we're getting through it. Just wanted to drop in & comment a little. I don't believe in reincarnation, & I don't think my mom does either, but I've heard her say, "In my next life, I'm gonna be..." when she's seen something or someone that has a pretty sweet existence. So, along those lines, in my next life, I don't want to know how to drive. I want to live a life where I can walk anywhere I need to go.

When I was a teenager, I walked all the time. I went to my grandmother's & walked to the store, to all my friends' houses (the ones who lived in town, anyway) & to the post office. I didn't walk to work because I didn't WANT to. But I probably could have. Occasionally I walked to school or home from school - usually, since my house was right along the way, I could catch a ride. And then, I WANTED to drive. I would drive for hours. Huh. Gas wasn't $3 a gallon, either. It was about $0.60 per back then.

Now, I drive all the time, when I'm not working. I left the house at 7:20 am. I took the kids to school - 9 miles - then went to work - 20 more miles. Got there about 8:20. Left there at 5 pm. Went through the Walgreens drive thru on the way home, because they have it down & it really is faster through the drive up window. Got home at 5:30. Rachel had a piano lesson at 6, a half-hour away. While she was practicing, I ate. Then I got cash & took her thru the drive-thru. Then we went to the grocery store on the way home. I got home at 8:15. I put up the groceries & sat down here at the computer. In a few minutes I will go back to the bedroom & read for awhile before giving it up for the night. I put, oh, I'm guessing about, let's see...9, 20, 15, 15, 1, 1, 15...76 miles on the car today. I think. That's better than it used to be. When I worked in Nashville, I put 56 miles on the car just going back & forth to work. Then the kids had ball practice & stuff to do, & there wasn't even a drive-thru anywhere close.

Where we live is somewhat of a central location, being 25 miles from my family, 14 from Randy's mom (opposite directions, of course), 15 miles from each of our workplaces (which are about 8 miles apart, I guess), & 9 miles from the kids' school. And we are really close to church - it's only about 1.5 miles away. But that's the only place we're close to (except for 2 convenience stores within a mile of us) & of course, none of the places I mentioned before are close to each other. Rachel likes to go to another church on Wednesday nights. That's 12 miles in another direction, & in the middle of nowhere. I mean, it's as far from civilization as we are out here. Unfortunately, being far from civilization does not equal privacy. Nothing against the neighbors (today, anyway) but we are surrounded. Most of the time, though, people leave us alone. That's a good thing.

I don't know how we could realistically make life easier. I can think of several unrealistic ways. As long as the kids are in school, I won't be moving closer to work. The cost of housing skyrockets the closer you get to the school, & besides, moving there would be further from work. I figure in seven years, it won't matter how close we are to the school anyway. As long as I'm married to Randy (& that's not really negotiable), quitting work & homeschooling aren't options. And even if I DID do that, we'd still have to go to piano lessons & the grocery store. That leg of the trip was 32 miles. And if I'd had to fetch that prescription (which I might've talked Randy into doing), then it would've been another 30 miles - only a tad less than what I put on the car as it is. And, Randy made two trips to Clarksville today anyway - Derek needed a posterboard for a project & he didn't tell me, he told Randy, who said, "Well, we'll go out to eat while we're up there."

I am thankful that I have a car. How messed up would my life be without one???

It's a beautiful morning!

And, so I hear on NewsChannel 5, it's gonna be a beautiful day! In a way, all days are beautiful. I've been looking forward to a nice, sunny, comfortable day though. It's been too cool, or windy, or rainy, or something to be comfortable outside for a couple of weeks now. So I plan to get out there & enjoy this day.

I had a strange dream last night. I think it was brought on by being pulled in too many directions at once. That, & the fact that Derek forgot I was picking him up after school yesterday, so he rode the bus home. Meanwhile, I was at the school with smoke spewing out of my ears because I couldn't get to the elementary school in time to meet the bus because the traffic is SO bad in Pleasant View in the afternoons. I had plans to take him to a store in Ashland City before picking up the dog at 4:30 in Pleasant View, but I had to go the 8 miles in the opposite direction to the house. Well, things worked out. When Randy got home, he took Derek shopping (which is something I hate to do anyway), & Rachel & I went to pick up Bonnie.

In my dream we were visiting Randy's great-aunt, recently widowed, who lived behind a park. (In reality, he DOES have a great-aunt who was widowed within the last year. She doesn't live near a park, to my knowledge. My mom & grandfather do, though.)

Derek was playing football in said park with a junior pro league. I went with one of the other moms (who lives near us, in real life) to a house where some of the moms were sitting by windows, watching their sons play, but most were in other rooms sitting around gossiping. The mom who took me there just left me with this group of women I barely knew. (In real life, this would probably happen; this mom is kind of like that.) The ones who were friendly to me were the "snobby" moms; the more down-to-earth moms (whom I'd probably really be more comfortable with) were snobby to me.

After a while, I decided to find Randy & Rachel. I'm not sure what Randy was doing but Rachel had gone with some of her friends to work at this store downtown (which looked more like Goodlettsville, which in reality is a lot further away than it was in the dream). I called Randy & asked him to meet me. Then I thought I'd drive downtown & get Rachel & then meet Randy. But instead of being a short drive (as I thought it would be in the dream), traffic there was awful (ha! just like Pleasant View) because they were having some sort of festival (which, in real life, is happening in downtown Clarksville this weekend). So I try to call Randy to let him know, but his cell phone is in the truck with me. I try calling Rachel, but someone else has her phone. I go to Rachel's workplace. I can't get hold of her - she's in another location. Finally, I get Rachel when a bus arrives, carrying employees from one work locale to another. I was letting Rachel have it for not keeping her cell phone nearby when the mom who took me to the football mom house appears out of nowhere & says, "I need you to come with me." I said, "I know Randy's mad, but he needs to hear what happened." When I got to him, he was yelling & really letting me have it. Then the alarm went off. What a relief!!!

The moral of the story: who knows??? It was just a dream, right???

Well, I'm not going to analyze my dream, or anything else for that matter. I think, instead, I'll go outside & get the paper & let the pets out for some sunshine. I'm still a little sleepy.

How ya' gonna keep 'em down on the farm?

As I recall, this song had a message like, "How are you going to keep the kids on the farm once they've seen Paris?" Or, for that matter, any big city?

In January, Randy & I chaperoned a church youth trip to "Warmth in Winter," an annual gathering of teenaged Methodists & their brave adult advisors. This was our third year, & we've almost got the job down now. One of the boys asked why anyone would want to live in a city the size of Nashville. Most of the other youth agreed in their doubts about city living. They've never lived anywhere larger than Clarksville (which is no small town anymore - it's well over 100,000). Most of them haven't ever lived anywhere bigger than Pleasant View (population somewhere around 3600 - which is about 1500 more than it was when we moved out here in 1993). All of them currently live out here in the country between those two municipalities, out here where subdivisions and cattle farms co-exist, where the Interstate & the old Dixie Bee Line connect us to the nearby state capitol, where roads are named after people's great-grandparents.

I felt like the closest thing to an expert on the matter, having a brother who lives in Weehawken, NJ & works in Manhattan. I told him that some people like living close to work, where they can have a nice dinner after work or see the Titans play and not worry about parking or driving home late at night. Having worked in Nashville for several years and always living way out of town, I can appreciate that desire. I can also appreciate the desire to live in the country.

I've spent a lot of time pondering these things lately. I've pondered a lot of things. Most of them seem kind of insignificant. Here are a few sample questions.

Should I cut my hair? Almost everyone I work with thinks long hair looks terrible on older women. I'm only 39. But I'm almost 40! I hate when my hair looks bushy. I used to look good with short hair. But I think I look old with short hair now. I have a lot of gray, but I like the color of my hair. If I let my hair grow it will be wild and unprofessional looking. But I would love to have long hair, if only just so I could say I'm not disobeying I Corinthians 11.

But are we supposed to be wearing headcoverings too???

Why am I haunted by my decision to get out of the nursing program back in 1987? Didn't I really want to be a technologist, & nuclear medicine seemed like the perfect marriage of patient care & technology for me? Didn't I want to be a technologist, like, as long as I knew what one was??? Why haven't I felt as respected as a technologist? Why do I think I have to be a nurse to get respect? Would I really get more respect as one? Why is it so hard for someone like me to go back to college to get my RN degree? And why do I even want to?

Why didn't I know when I was younger that...I would wish I hadn't taken birth control pills? That I would wonder what it would've been like to have as many kids as God would have given me? That I would regret having epidural anesthesia? That I would regret using disposable diapers, and being in debt so much that I never got to be a solely-at-home mom? That I would wish I'd started homeschooling the kids in 1997? That I would wish I'd been more active & less interested in the computer???

Why can't I agree with Randy that our life isn't so bad...that cheap & easy (& overprocessed) food from Wal-Mart is best...that I need to work a 40-hour week in a hospital job even if it means driving 40 miles one way to work...that two kids was more than enough...that women wearing pants & short hair is not necessarily a bad thing...that public schools are better than homeschooling...that constant TV & movie entertainment is a necessity instead of a luxury...that eating home-grown food is a luxury & not a necessity? Why can't I be a good housekeeper and work full time like his mom did? With very little help from his dad, who preferred working outside the house instead?

Where did these zillions & zillions of homeschooling, homesteading women find the men who wanted their wives to live that way??? And for the record, NO, I'm not looking for a man!!! Though Randy & I disagree on a lot of stuff, we do love each other very much. But if they could teach Randy what they know...naah, I don't think I'd want to change him that much. I just wonder though.

I DO know why there are few blogs for & by Christian women like me, who don't live on a farm, who don't homeschool, who watch TV. BECAUSE ALL THE OTHERS ARE BUSY DOING HOUSEKEEPING JOBS & I'M SITTING HERE AT THE DANG COMPUTER.