How can people have no feelings? Easy to be hard... easy to say no

I don't go political too much, but I have been hearing so much about healthcare reform, etc. lately. I have a lot to say about it, not as an employee but as a wife, mother, and daughter... as a woman, as a human.

No, health care is not a "right" per se, but in a country that wants to be one of the greatest, people should be able to access the necessary healthcare no matter their income. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If we have the right to life that means we have the right to do what's necessary to avoid death. Being ill can often feel like imprisonment, the opposite of liberty. One can be happy in poor health, but it's not easy. I have no problem with working to pay for my health insurance. The rock star and I always have. I also have no problem with my tax dollars helping people who truly cannot work to pay for their health insurance. For example, my mom had stage IV cancer and worked as a "cafeteria lady" far longer than most people in her condition would have because long-term disability wouldn't pay enough to maintain her coverage. She got a type of state-funded insurance, which she had previously when she was working in a job that did not provide insurance. Her doctor became angry when she changed coverage, but she had little choice if she wanted to buy food and have running water and electricity. Someone I knew years ago was paralyzed on a motorcycle. He has since passed, but he couldn't work. He was in his early 20s. Could you look him in the eye and tell him he didn't deserve healthcare???

http://www.salon.com/2017/05/02/alabama-congressman-people-who-lead-good-lives-dont-have-preexisting-conditions/

I read an article where a man said that people who lived right don't have pre-existing conditions. The writer specifically mentioned strokes, heart problems, and birth defects. The rock star had a stroke at age 4 (yes, four) because of a birth defect - a heart problem. Not only that, but my grandmother had a stroke at age six. I'm not kidding. Personally, I am INSULTED that I would be blamed for my child having a birth defect. Yes, I had one of those too. I still have him! I did not smoke or do drugs when I was pregnant. I had a cold and had to take some medicine early on, which was okayed by my doctor. I don't want to say I'm a victim, but I don't think it was my fault. Nor do I blame my father-in-law for becoming the father of the rock star ten months after coming home from Vietnam where he was often exposed to Agent Orange... he didn't get drafted, he enlisted... but no, it was not his fault that his son was born with a life-threatening heart defect. I read someone's comment that Jimmy Kimmel's child was born with a heart defect because it was "karma" because he made jokes about Donald Trump. I disagree. Besides, what did that tiny baby do to deserve that?

I have a pre-existing condition, though i wasn't born with it. I'll take responsibility for my Type 2 diabetes. I ate my way into it. I'm sure all those low-fat, high-carb foods I ate in attempts to lose weight and maintain it in my 20s and 30s didn't have anything to do with my body becoming insulin resistant. I had inherited a predisposition to blood sugar issues. And my mom's cancer? She didn't smoke, seldom drank, tried to eat right and maintain a healthy weight, and exercised regularly most of her adult life. So why did she get cancer? Oh, that was probably hereditary too. What do you think about people whose genetic profiles show predisposition to diseases? Should we deny coverage to those people because we know it's going to cost more to take care of them? You going to look me in the eye and tell me no? And the young but now deceased motorcyclist? What if I told you he was driving too fast and was at fault? Would you look him in the eye and deny him coverage after that?

I have a problem with people who think it's ok to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions. Even though our insurance pays for those, our dental insurance would NOT cover needed dental implants for our child who was born with a cleft palate, and had teeth that did not form enamel properly (a condition that also affected my brother, though his lip and palate were fine). He had two root canals that had broken in the growth and surgical process. He had one tooth I jokingly called a "bubba tooth" - he laughed at it too - but it really wasn't funny, it was only about half a tooth. This after nine years of braces, 12 years of dental appliances... in his (then) 18 years of life.

If my brothers, uncle, and I had not just sold my mother's house, I'd planned to refinance my car to borrow that money. We're talking five digits worth of money, and that's not counting the numbers on the right of the decimal. I felt like we were lucky. I'd rather have had my mom living in that house, but I felt she would have approved of the money being spent that way.

I agree that the ACA - "Obamacare," as it is so frequently called, is not really its name - needs work and maybe even replacement. I want to see pre-existing conditions left in. I say we do not need caps on coverage. My sweet rock star and son might have had to do without healthcare... and who knows when we'd have had to start doing without. My mom's insurance company re-analyzed several medicines over the years. I think they were surprised that someone who had been through all she had was still alive, so they didn't realize they had to keep paying for those drugs!

When I was a new nuclear medicine tech back in the early 90s, occasionally I would see kids who had been born with cystic fibrosis (CF). Back then, a kid born with CF had a life expectancy of maybe 20 years. Now, babies born with the disease have a much longer life expectancy as more and more patients are living into their 40s and even beyond. If you put a cap on their benefits, some of those kids would not survive that long because they sometimes spend a lot of time in the hospital. I care, and that's because one of my childhood friends has a child with the disease. I don't know for certain but I would be beyond shocked if I learned that they had done anything at all during pregnancy to "deserve" a child with such a condition. No, that, like so many other things, is a GENETIC issue.

If you are healthy and have lived a "good" lifestyle, you are LUCKY. You won the genetic lottery. You may be taking good care of yourself and for that, you should be proud, but you should not judge others, for you do not know their stories. Can you honestly say you've never overeaten, or had too much ice cream, or just once, slept instead of working out? Can you truly say you've never broken the speed limit? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. As the saying goes, Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. (source unknown; attributed to Plato)

How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice

Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people be so heartless
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to give in
Easy to help out

And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice

Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend

How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no

Songwriters
Ragni, Gerome / Rado, James / Mac Dermot, Galt

Summer Improvements Week 0: It's a beautiful morning

 I should've started my series on Thursday.  That night I had a sink full of dishes that no one had touched for days.  I felt bad about it because I hadn't done them... but nobody else here had either!  (In my defense, I had transcription work Monday night and Tuesday night and choir practice at church Wednesday night - after working all day at school those days) Thursday night Randy had a dinner for work and I didn't want him to come home to this yet again.My plan was to take pictures as I made progress.  I took pictures as I waded through the dishes but didn't take one when I finished!  Well, it does look better.  With neuropathy, standing for long enough to wash that many in one session is not an option.  It took me four short sessions to do it (broken up by laundry-folding sessions) but three hours later I got it all done.  So far it still looks pretty good!!!

So today I started my walking program again.  There are so many dogs in this subdivision.  I don't mind dogs but all the barking... well, if their owners don't like it they shouldn't have dogs, right???  I no longer own a dog.  :(  I miss my dog.  I sometimes worry that people will be annoyed because the dogs are barking at me and it's all my fault for walking.  But since most of the neighbors are dog owners, I guess I'm worrying for nothing.  

I saw a lot of pretty birds today. 

I don't have a lot planned today.  I'm going to graduation tonight, but other than that just getting ready for homecoming, maybe doing a little housekeeping.  Not going home tomorrow. so I guess I'll call Mom.  I have to go into "town" at some point and deposit a check, get creamer, and I might look for some plants while I'm out.  I dreamed I got some... I also dreamed I went to Hawaii.

I actually made it all the way around the circle with the exception of the part between my house and the highway, then took a break in the hammock for 10 to 15 minutes, came in and had breakfast (a peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread).  Now I've got to get up and take my medicine, change the litter, and just do what comes up!

live like... you were dying???

The day Derek was born, I called our church (at the time). It was, after all, Wednesday evening and everyone would want to know. The young lady who answered the phone was a high school senior and the daughter of a couple who had made us feel so at home in our short time there. Now Derek is 17, and today that young lady's youngest son died at the age of 10, after fighting a brain tumor for over a year. I had hoped I would catch her to give her a cap Randy got. I'm sorry that I didn't get that cap to her and Andrew.

Shortly after I heard that, I read a blog post by a woman who has lost 200 pounds. It was called "45 Simple Actions to Start Losing Weight." One of the actions: "Deal with Stress." I'm not sure how to do that. I guess I need to figure that out. This woman wrote about the stress she had from her job. I know that feeling. Some days I hate it. This week, I'm trying to get everything done so I won't have to do it during Spring Break, next week. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to get everything in. I planned to go visit Billie and Andrew last weekend. I kept over-extending myself. I stayed too long at Mom's, then at Dad's, on Saturday. Not that I regret that, I don't regret visiting my parents at all... but then I was going to eat at a fundraiser with Randy. I then had to finish a transcription assignment that I didn't complete Friday evening, because I got a late start.

Then I had classwork to do before midnight Sunday night. Though I fooled around a little and napped on Sunday afternoon after lunch, I managed to get that done at a reasonable time. Then I didn't leave myself enough time to grade my students' work because when I got through with my classwork I played online Boggle for too long. I gave up Spider Solitaire for Lent and then turned around and started playing Boggle. I am not all that great at it, and last night I decided to give it up too.

Yesterday, a couple of students and I talked about that song, "Live Like You Were Dying." They didn't really get it. I said, you know, we shouldn't live our lives waiting for something to happen later. Live like you're dying doesn't mean lie in the bed waiting for the angels to escort you home. It means live now, instead of putting things off until later. I don't know if I adequately conveyed my feelings. But in the last two weeks, when so many people have died, it means so much more.

I started teaching in August of 2009 and in the whirlwind of never-ending work and the heat of that first classroom, I lost 13 pounds in 3 months. Since then I have put on almost 30 pounds. Oh, it varies from day to day. This morning it was actually 24.5 pounds. And in November 2008, I think I even weighed less than that Nov. 2009 weight. I hate that I've gained so much weight. I don't hate myself and I don't even hate my body, but I need to get in better shape because I want to be healthier. I know a great deal of my problem is stress. I come home, eat, and have to do more work before bed. Some nights (like tonight) I put off working until it's too late. I really don't waste a ton of time on Facebook, but I spend a lot of time looking for that elusive nuclear medicine job, or some other job that promises more money and more time to relax outside of work. Next thing I know, it's 10:30, I haven't read or relaxed, I'm depressed from not finding that "perfect" job, I've still got a sack full of ungraded work and piles of housework to do, and I need to get to bed.

I don't always work as efficiently as I should. Some days I write in my blog and spend 30 minutes on Facebook. I did a lot today and I could do a lot more. I could probably stay up all night. I stayed until 7:00 doing work and grading journals. I have two more classes of journals, posters to grade, and exams to grade. I'm going to bed. I need to start living again.

But I didn't want to turn this into a story about me. I wanted to say, we all need to live like we're dying. We need to live. We need to love. We may need to work too, but we can't keep putting off our lives, because the future isn't promised. Today is a gift and we need to be grateful for it.

It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

First let me say that I'm not referring to my marriage. Right now, that's fine. No complaints.

I picked this song for the title because today I've been bothered a bit by the mistakes I made in the past. While typing that sentence I wondered how many mistakes I've blogged about. I thought I'd read the entries from the month that had the most, July 2007...but I couldn't read them all because I remembered where they led, where I went the next few months. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I got the job I had wanted, the job that ended 18 months later. I had two grandparents living then...I don't have either one now. But that wasn't my fault and neither was the loss of my job. Still, even now I wonder how different my life would be if I'd stayed at Skyline instead of going to Clarksville Cardiology and then Vandy and then Dr. Mishra's and then Glencliff and then Springfield. I don't regret moving from Madisonville, or leaving the VA or leaving Northcrest. I would go back to any of them if offered the right job, but I don't regret any moves before leaving Skyline.

I don't know that regret is the right word for how I feel about the other moves. I had my reasons for leaving all of them. I thought Vandy would give me a more secure future and help get my kids through college. I thought I could make peace with my situation working for Dr. Mishra, but it was everything I didn't like about working in nuclear cardiology. I left the Cliff because I wanted to teach closer to home. I don't regret going to Springfield, and I'm not sure I regret going into teaching, but, I miss working in health care. And, I miss the money I used to make.

Nuclear medicine technology is an oft-misunderstood profession, as I've learned over the years, even since I left the field, as I wrote last night. All those years, I felt like it sounded impressive but it wasn't. Now, I think, that DID sound impressive, and in some ways it was, and all the while, I didn't like it.

I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I've raised two great kids, and for that I'm very happy and thankful. Otherwise, I've spent too much time eating, playing on the computer, driving too much, writing about nonsense, and learning about trivia. I haven't written anything great or accomplished great things either for God or my family. I live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes fall in the gap in between.

I haven't even made the most of this summer. I haven't cleaned the house as well as I should've, gotten in shape, or done enough fun stuff. Heck, I haven't even worked hard enough, because I haven't planned at all for this coming semester. And, it's coming fast. Not only that, but I've bitten off more than I can chew. But, I've done that for a reason. I have to do what I have to do.

Right now, I need to do laundry. So, I'll write more later.

Thunder only happens when it's raining.

I could've sworn I used this title before, but I couldn't find it. I could've spent the whole day reading old blog posts. I enjoyed revisiting 2006, when my kids were 11 and 14, Rachel, a freshman in high school. Life's changed a lot since then! Now she's a freshman at Lipscomb. She came home yesterday and we were glad to see her. Driving's going all right for Derek. I wish he'd get a job. I am home today because an old injury has reared its ugly head again. I don't want to go into detail, but it's been a physically miserable last few days. I attended the Lay Speaking Course on Saturday & though I couldn't get comfortable physically, it was very uplifting and thought-provoking. Now, I have to write a sermon before the next one. Just add that to the list...laundry, housecleaning, lesson plans, dishes, supper, exercise, money management...and all that when the pain's under control! Well, on that note I guess I'll get up and get moving. We're supposed to have storms today. Stay dry!

My soul's like a wheel that's turning.

So in all of this, I have had some interesting insights.

A day or two ago, I read a little in one of Shonda Parker's books, about how we have the ability to be content in our sufferings, as Paul was in Philippians. I guess I had never thought much about it...being content in all circumstances, because we can do everything through Christ, who strengthens us. In the past, I had found that verse about doing everything to be overwhelming, like an excuse to load me up with things to do. This time the part about contentment stuck out for me. God just wants me to be CONTENT where I am.

A few weeks ago I made some peace with the fact that I got laid off way back when. I got to thinking that some of the bad events of 2009 and 2010 would've still happened even if I had been at Vandy. Granddaddy's death had nothing to do with where I worked. Tracey's didn't either. I probably would've kept working out, but I might have even been worse off if I'd been working at Vandy when I hurt my foot, and that was part of how I put on weight. I could very well have done that at Rachel's graduation or some other event. So, I can't blame all this on Vandy, even if I miss the money a whole lot. This makes me feel a bit more content teaching. Of course, having two weeks off is nice too.

When I felt that God wanted me to be a teacher, I had been thinking maybe He was calling me to some form of ministry. I could maybe see myself being a lay speaker but never a church pastor. I don't like confrontation that much. I think singing is my ministry and teaching is a way I can have a little time during summers & winter breaks to do it.

takin' care of business

so today i am at the y. i have no capital letters and little punctuation on this phone. as a writer, this bothers me.

thankful. really thankful.

saw a saying that really spoke to me the other day. it said, when there is no song in your heart, sing anyway. oh the times these past two years when i have had no song and did not feel like singing.

another moment...sitting at a red light listening to pandora radio and this song about going through the motions came on...i dont recall all the words but it said something about not wanting to look back on life and say what if i had given it all, instead of going through the motions.

no question marks either on this phone...

after my doctor visit wednesday i realized i miss health care somewhat. i dont feel i should quit teaching at this point for many reasons, not the least of which is the lack of nuc med jobs. i like some things about teaching anyway. i would like to pick up extra cash. i could teach some cpr classes. after talking to a student and getting dazzling remarks about my writing from a professor, i thought about trying to do some freelance medical writing. today i also feel i need to try to pick up some nursing home singing gigs.

i know that sounds like a lot. compared to the last two years, its a breeze.

you can count on me...

I am thinking about using my journal to write a book about my first year in the classroom. I tried to come up with song lyrics that summed up each month last school year. In August, the title would have been, "A Change is Gonna Come." In September I was still overwhelmed and in the honeymoon stage. I picked "Dancin' in the Moonlight" for that one. October brought the end of the honeymoon phase and "The Thrill is Gone." In November, "There's a New Kid in Town" reflected the changes when Sarah came. I picked "Like a Rock" for December, with my strong resolve when Granddaddy passed. January was another story, with "Hopelessly Devoted to You." ("If I Can't Have You" would've been good too.) February, I chose "Rollercoaster" to describe the emotional upheaval in my house, and in March, "With a Little Luck" seemed to sum up my optimism. In April, I chose this song..."Count on Me" by Jefferson Starship. It was a song that reminded me of those happy moments in 1978, and the words of the title seemed to echo my sentiment for Glencliff as the job possibilities at other places came and went. (But more on that later.) With the flood on May 1, picking a song for that month was easy - "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"

As school ended, I thought I had made up my mind to stay at Glencliff. Then, I heard there would probably be a position at Sycamore. I applied. The next day the county posted on their website that they're looking for health science teachers but specifically put, "Must have RN license." In other words, "we got your resume, health science teacher without an RN license, but we want you and everyone else to know, we're only interested if you're a nurse, because one of these days we're going to offer the ONE course the state of TN requires to be taught by an RN. We haven't yet but we will." I wrote ugly things about this in my journal, but, que sera sera.

Well, that's all I have to say about that.

There were openings in Montgomery County, all gone now. One was taken by a teacher who left and went to Ft. Campbell. She tried to recruit me for Ft. Campbell and now she's going back to teaching. Ft. Campbell never called, by the way, and I wasn't all that fired up about going back to nucs so soon anyway. The money would be nice, though. One was taken by a teacher from Robertson County, which never posted that opening. I wonder if they were going to downsize anyway? There WAS an opening in Robertson County but it was as far from here as Glencliff is, and taking on two schools. I thought about it, but was kind of waiting for some other stuff to happen at the time, so I didn't apply. Had it been closer to home, I'd have been more interested.

So, at this point I think it's safe to say I'm going back to the Cliff next year, and I'm actually very happy about it. I have a new classroom and two of the three preps I had last year, with one added that I don't know much about but I'm excited to have. I have plans for HOSA and I think it will be a good year.

I hope my health will cooperate. Since school's been out, I've had an ear infection, stomach troubles, and a heel spur...plus, I'm waiting for the results of some lab work that could be life-changing. We shall see what this brings. I had really hoped to get into shape this summer but between a sore foot, giving up my Y membership because of money, and the extreme heat for this point in the year, I have just not been able to get anywhere. Still, I am LOVING the summer. It is GREAT to have days off.

Derek's mowing at Me-maw's today & Rachel's helping at a camp. Randy was off last week but had to go back today. I'm going to do some homework for my two summer courses now. Later, I'll do a little planning for the school year, and later, go to class. Summer is great.

I only have about 5 minutes in my schedule for writing today, but I have a lot to write about!

Emotionally, the last few weeks have been rotten. Two months ago today Granddaddy passed, and since then it's been a wild ride (just read my last post if you don't believe it!). I am getting better, really. I don't feel like I'm going through the motions anymore, and I don't feel like I'm going to die myself all the time. I feel like I'm still living in a blur sometimes.

I realize now that I had a lot - a LOT - of wounds that needed healing. I am reconnecting with a lot of people from my younger days, and that is helping me a lot. I'm also realizing how blessed I am with friends I've made in the last few years. Sometimes I still wish I could go back in time and have one more day...or just to go back a month or two or three and have one more chance to say some things...or just to say hey...but it is too late and there's nothing I can do now to change it.

Well, it's been 10 minutes now & I have to walk the dog & finish getting ready for work. That is a tough one. It is really hot in my classroom & I'm frustrated because I suck as a disciplinarian. I have come to the realization that part of my problem is my passive-aggressive nature. I am not really assertive. I tend to avoid confrontation until I can't take it anymore and then I go off. This tendency has ruined several good jobs for me and it could ruin my teaching career. I don't have time to do another class.

I also think I could benefit from some exercise. I love to exercise but sometimes I have a difficult time making myself do it...especially now that I have little free time (I am going to be sorry I sat here & typed for 20 minutes). I'm going to get up & go now. It's going to be a great day!

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody, baby

This song said it all in 1979.

I was 12 years old and madly, crazy in love with Tracey Evetts. He was two years older than me and I thought he was the most beautiful creature God put on this earth. He played baseball for my dad and he left his glove in the truck at the end of the season. I slept with it under my pillow for a year.

He had a blue bike and I had a red one. Our grandparents lived in the same neighborhood (and had for 75 years). From Tracey, I learned how to play "Galaga" because that game was at the grocery store. He knew I existed, but I'm sure he just thought I was a silly little girl.

In 7th grade, we had this unspoken agreement. When he got on the bus at the high school, he knew he had a seat next to me. I don't remember telling people not to sit there, but I must have let it be known that was his seat. He was a pest. I loved it, but I never let on. I still sort of liked him then, but by then, I was spending a lot of time on the phone with one of his buddies. As teenage "love" goes, his buddy thought I was a silly little girl, and had a crush on another girl.

In 9th grade I fell for him all over again. I don't really remember what went right, or what went wrong that time. I do remember Mom telling me she didn't know why I kept fooling with him, that he didn't care a thing about me, and that I could find someone who DID care about me. Tracey fell in love with another girl, and eventually they got married. Meanwhile, I dated several people, some who cared a lot, and others who really didn't. Most of them didn't pass muster with the parents either. I wondered if they ever thought they'd have been better off if I'd held out for Tracey. (Truthfully, looking back, I know my mom didn't. Don't know how Daddy felt though.)

A few years later, I got married too. One day we happened to be staying in the same place, with relatives at the lake, and he told me how impressed he was at what I was doing. It was nice.

Our lives went different ways. He got divorced. At that time, Randy and I were in Madisonville, having a baby. Randy and I hit a rough patch a little later, around the time we moved back to Tennessee. By then, he was married again, and they were having a baby. I only saw him once in all those years after that. He didn't quite look like the cute little boy who rode the blue bicycle...but then, I didn't look the same either. I couldn't hold that against him. He signed my guestbook on Classmates about 18 months ago. I thought that was nice.

All through these years I have loved those same songs I liked in 1978 and 1979. It was the music I loved when I was 12 years old, when life was fun, when I believed I would grow up to be pretty, and successful, and have everything I dreamed I would have. Good memories.

I loved living in my hometown. It's a good place. I live about 30 minutes from there now. You can live in town and walk to the store, or to school, or to the Post Office. You don't have to drive 5 miles to get a gallon of milk. If you do drive 5 or 6 miles, you can sit down and eat at any kind of restaurant or shop at any kind of store. (Of course, you only have to drive 10 miles for that here.) The best thing about it was that all my family was/is right there. I have often told people I miss those days when my parents and their friends would get together, and how the best times of my childhood were those neighborhood 4th of July parties and gatherings. Some people there still have those kind of get-togethers with their school buddies. I didn't know this until recently. I learned this when he died a little over 2 weeks ago.

I learned this on Facebook. It may sound superstitious, but I'll never check my Facebook during lunch on an "A" day again. It's a school thing - we have classes on alternating days. On A days my planning period is 1st; on B days it's last period. So...I have to plan for B days at the end of A days. I checked Facebook at lunch, didn't have a planning period afterward, left, distraught, at the end of the day and came in at the beginning of the next week on a B day for which I hadn't planned properly. No. I'll never do it again. I depend too much on my ability to plan for the next day, and I can't take a chance on being devastated at the end of the day.

It made me sad for his wife and his daughter. It made me thankful to have my sweet Randy. It made me feel old to think it has been that long - 30 years - since we rode the bus and he hit me with the two big nails he soldered together. It made me feel strange to realize that what I am now is all because of those days and the things I did then. It made me feel empty to think of all that I have missed living here, where I have nothing in common with my neighbors and my family's 30 minutes away and my kids don't go to school with the children of my classmates.

I have spent too much time on the computer when I should have been doing things with people. A lot of those times I was here because Randy was doing his own thing, either playing cards or playing music, and the kids were too little to leave alone, and I didn't have the money to pay someone to watch them while I did my own thing. Now they are bigger, and they don't need me as much as they did then. Rachel will be in college this time next year.

I've had a great life not living in Ridgetop. I've made a lot of friends over the years. I still see people from Ridgetop a lot. I get home often. (Probably not often enough!) In some ways, though, I've missed out on a lot.

This year has been particularly hard because it takes me 30 or more hours a week to prepare for the 40 I spend teaching, and after you count the 10 hours a week I spend commuting and the 10 I spend eating breakfast, showering, reading the paper, checking email, etc. every week, and the 56 I should spend sleeping, that only leaves 22 hours a week to do everything else. That sounds like a lot until you think of what all has to be done. Church is 2 or more hours a week. (I'm glad I became a Methodist! If I were still Baptist that would be more like 5 or 6 hours.) Going to Mom's takes 30 minutes each way, so if I visit for 2 hours, that's 3 hours total. That leaves 17 hours, divided over 7 days...meaning, I only have about 2.5 hours a day to relax and that's not really accurate because I have to do things like go to the grocery store, pharmacy, etc. I'd like to work out more often, but that's 30 minutes each way travel time and 30 minutes of exercise. And, of course, I spend about an hour of my day on Facebook, but I do get a little social interaction out of that. It's no wonder I feel isolated, though.

I didn't make new year's resolutions this year. Today, though, Feb. 1, I am making new month's resolutions. In my journal, sometime around Jan. 1, I wrote that I need to be happy with the life I have. I do intend to do that. I also intend to start spending more time with my friends while I can.

Just sing, sing a song

This month is just about over. It has been quite surreal.

Today's title came from FlyLady. The song got stuck in my head.

This month, I have received two of those phone calls everyone dreads, both with happy outcomes. The one where you see your child's number on the caller ID, and a deputy talks when you say, "Hello." This same deputy escorted this child home from a sleepover gone awry, one where kids I didn't know were part of the party went out vandalizing and took my son, who sat on the side of the road and watched. Then there's the one where your little girl is crying and saying, "Mom, I didn't mean to..." five minutes after the car left the house with her and her little brother in it. All the questions follow: "Did you wreck? Are you hurt? Did you hit another car?" It was a minor fender-bender. Well, heck, it didn't even bend any fenders, just got a lot of dirt stuck to the wheel wells. Happy endings.

This month, I have sung in two nursing homes, both with happy outcomes. I am scheduled to sing in two more, and one of the first ones again. I'm also scheduled to sing in two churches other than my own this month. I am nervous, and scared, yet excited beyond my ability to communicate. I suppose I am living the dream. In that respect, my life is going great. I'm not overwhelmed with bookings and opportunities, but they're out there, & I'm getting there.

I created a website for my budding gospel music career. I think I've had 100 visitors. One was a man in Washington who wants me to send him a video for his TV show. I need to work on that soon.

I got a Facebook account. I have over 100 friends so far. I know a lot of people.

We got a settlement from the accident in October, which we were not expecting (well, we weren't until about two weeks ago). This was a good thing.

Mom's doctor decided to investigate the headaches she started having between Christmas and New Year's, and found that the abnormality seen on the PET scan in the fall that he originally thought benign because of her blood work wasn't really benign after all, and had spread to multiple areas.

That was a bad, bad day. That was two weeks ago. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, like my legs were going out from under me. I had to lie down on one of the stretchers in one of the stress rooms to get the rest of the information from my brother.

I was doing a pretty good job of updating the Hee Haw page until that happened. Now I just don't really care again, for which I am genuinely sorry, but not sorry enough to get back to the pages yet. Maybe soon.

Rachel learned today that she didn't get into Governor's School. Now she wants to go to Costa Rica again. She is already going in March. I don't know about her going in June. I do know that her brother can't go with her. I can't afford for him to go too AND go to Philadelphia for the 8th grade trip. Maybe next year.

We have had snow and ice, not as much ice as our neighbors just north of us who had ice and no power for days. The snow hung around until this morning. There might even be a little here & there waiting for the next one to show up Monday.

I saw my son get awards for scoring high on a pre-ACT type test & for participating on the wrestling team, I sang at church three times, one solo, once with Randy, & once with Rachel. I saw Gold City in Erin, I worked out a few times, we celebrated Mom's 60th birthday & I decided to go back to chorus this semester.

I worked a lot of hours, probably mostly because we've had someone out almost all month. She worked 4 days all month, I think. Maybe 3. Work is still going, thank God. It's tight there like everywhere else, but I feel OK about it. Just tired.

No wonder I am tired. I have had several months' worth of excitement.

I hope this whirlwind isn't indicative of what's to come the rest of the year. I have a feeling it is just the beginning of the storm.

Singing as I go

Life has been busy, as usual. Maybe more than usual.

Wrestling season is in full force & that's kept us occupied. Here's a link to our local paper, which mentions Derek in the Nov. 24 edition on page 12. (It's actually page 17 but each 2 pages are in one PDF.) That's not Derek in the picture! He is still learning the moves. When he has lost matches, it's been because he really didn't know how to get out of them! He has come a long way, though. I'm proud of him.

One night he had four matches within an hour. He lost them all. That was hard on him. It was hard on his mama too.

Though Rachel's activities haven't taken as much of my time, I've enjoyed watching her perform at the choir's Veterans' Day concert & the school's talent show. She is working a lot & always on the go.

Thanksgiving is upon us & we are thankful for a lot of things. Mom & Granddaddy are doing fairly well. Randy's still with us & still walking on both feet after this year of leg problems & car accidents. The kids are doing great. My job is going all right & my health is better than usual. (And, usually, it's pretty good!) There's a lot of trouble & trials in the world, but there's a bright & a sunny side of life too.

I feel like all the parts of my life are full & rich right now, even though I do seem to have a difficult time working in enough physical activity. That's a project for another day. I try to fit in plenty of time to be artistic, whether it's writing or singing or another form.

As for writing, I am trying to figure out how to use speech recognition so I can dictate stories while I drive to work. I really haven't done as much writing as I should lately.

I definitely work in time for music. I've been fooling with the guitar and the autoharp, preparing for the cantata with the choir, & hoping to do some recording very soon. I would really like to have some kind of "sampler" to give to people. I would like to sing Southern Gospel in some other churches or maybe at nursing homes. I've had two sermons & a sign I pass every day all telling me I need to go forward with this. But I also have the desire to sing more classical music. I miss having some kind of "class" experience where I learn skills to get better. I got a little tired of that, but I miss it now that it's not there. Because of that, I'm also planning to audition for the Vanderbilt Community Chorus again. I auditioned last year & didn't make it, probably because they had too many women singers & not enough men. This year they have a new director.

I liked singing in the Music City Community Chorus & Renee, the director, is great, but it did not work so well with my schedule. The Vanderbilt chorus rehearses on the night prior to my regularly scheduled day off. I don't have to drive so far to get there (I really don't have to drive any extra at all) & I don't have to work the next day! They also don't have weekend sectionals, which were hard for me to make because I live so far out. I'm glad I got out when I did this semester, because I don't think I'd be doing so well fitting 1-2 chorus rehearsals in with two wrestling matches & two church choir practices every week.

As for other art, I'm doing a lot of cross-stitching at these wrestling matches. They are rather long events. The regular matches take about 4 to 5 hours from start to finish. Tournaments are all day events. Saturday we got to Harpeth at 7 a.m. & got home about 4:30. And we were some of the early ones to leave! I like to watch, but it's also nice to have time to cross-stitch. I was glad to have a whole day to do it, but my butt was about sick of those bleachers.

Well, I am late getting to bed. I have a big week ahead.

As promised, here is what I've been up to.

In my last post I promised to do less editorializing & more reporting of my life's events. So here I am!

On Wednesday we bought the replacement truck for Randy. It's new to us, but not brand new. It's a fire-engine red Ford Explorer Sport Track. It's sharp, & he really likes it, which is the most important thing, I guess.

Last night I went to Derek's first wrestling match. They actually wrestled against two teams so it was a long night. Derek did not win either of his matches but you have to start somewhere. His first match went quickly but he fought a little harder on the second & showed a little more skill.

Physical activity is something our family hasn't been really into until the last year. I can't say we're all more active than we used to be. Derek has really taken the bull by the horns, though, as he chose to play football this past spring & fall & now has gone into wrestling to keep himself conditioned. He has lost a little weight, but mostly went from stocky to slim & trim by growing up seven inches in two years. He is much more active than he used to be, too. He still eats us out of house & home, but that is an expense I am glad to bear right now.

After being sick a couple weeks ago, I am ready to get back on track with my fitness program. I was working out 6-10 hours a week a couple of months ago, but things happen to get you off track. So, I'm ready to start again. I think this evening I'll try to do something, either go to the Y or pop in a dance tape or something. Then tomorrow before I go to Bowling Green for the educational meeting, I'll do Tae Bo with my tape. I'm excited!