One of these nights...

One of these nights I'm gonna write something absolutely amazing and powerful and I'm really looking forward to it.

So far, I haven't figured out what that is, exactly... but I'm okay with that.  I'll keep on writing until I do.

I'd love to write more, and really, I DO write more than I post on this blog because I prefer not to just throw everything I think onto a blog like a diary for everyone in the universe to read.  I work a lot, and I love what I do 99.44% of the time but I would love to have more time to write.  I spend too much time trying to make money. Well, I might as well while I'm able and my kids aren't little anymore so that I can retire before I die.  I tell people I write every chance I get but it's really not true.  If it were true, I'd have a lot more material to read.  I have many, many stories in my head that I really should put into writing, because I know I'm not going to live forever (at least not in this realm, and I'm not sure how much of my brain will make it through the life I'm living now) and I don't want the stories and characters to die with me. After I'm gone my kids can pass this stuff on to other people, or just give them away, but hopefully, I'll get some of them out into the world and let the universe decide whether they're worth keeping.

There were also people who once walked this earth and not just through my brain whose stories shouldn't be forgotten either.  Those who passed after about 2005 will have more information about them on the Internet for future generations than those who passed before that, and there are stories in the old newspapers and databases for those who wish to look for those folks.  Still there are people who lived quiet and simple lives, whose stories weren't compelling Nicholas Sparks novel fodder (or even Lifetime movie fodder), who've left serious marks on the manuscript of my own life.  My grandmother was one... one of her father's seventeen children as well as one of her mother's eleven.  Her oldest sister Lorene was evidently unable to bear children of her own, but I never, ever heard her complain about that, or talk about it at all.  I never asked her why she didn't have children, maybe because I was afraid to bring it up.  Her husband had lost two children in the Christmas Eve crash that claimed his first wife and left him with only his son. Maybe she figured it might've been better to have had no children at all.  His son gave her four step-grandchildren that she dearly loved in her own quiet way.  She wasn't the kind of grandmother who took the kids to Opryland (actually they didn't have that on either side, but all their grandparents cared for them very much) but she baked them goodies and visited them and kept an eye on them and probably went to graduations and things like that, I don't remember.  She also kept a lot of other relatives, like me. 

She, like Granny, had a portrait of a handsome young man I never had the privilege to know, my uncle Olie.  His death at age 18 was one of those events you see in movies, where a local teenager gets really sick (or has an accident or gets shot or... you get the picture) and dies young and the whole town shuts down for the funeral.  But before I knew all that about the town's reaction, I knew that my grandmother and all her family lost a dear brother, son, grandson, and uncle.  I guess because he didn't live long enough to have children and grandchildren of his own, I felt sort of obligated to keep his memory alive.  I think others in my family might've felt that way too.  For example, my uncle Lanny put a new headstone on Olie's grave.  Lanny was just a little fella when Olie died; I think he was about 3.

These are just a few of the stories I'd like to share, as well as some of the fictional characters I've created over the years.  Some of my characters are loosely based on real people and real events, but in general most are purely made up.  Here's an example of that:  I used to wonder what it would've been like if Lorene and her first husband had adopted a child, or had a baby late in life. Everette was only in his early 40s when he died, so he would've died very early in this baby's life.  I came up with a lot of good stories and characters from that "what if" story. Many of my stories are "what ifs" or at least they start out that way.  I do a lot of research into the past to find details and ideas.  Like looking at Olie's death certificate and obituary. 

I need to be looking at the inside of my eyelids.  Gotta go make that money while it's there.

me and my drum

Have I written about this song?  It's on TV right now.  It was playing in the room when my grandfather passed away... in a few days that will have been seven years.  Or as he would say it, seb'm years.  I miss him all the time.

My blog hasn't been very active lately.  My focus of late has been set on preparing for the ARRT MRI registry. I still have about 90 procedures to log before I can take the test, and it isn't something you just walk in and do before you've seen 10 of them.  It's not like what I do in nucs, which is so repetitive and so ingrained into my brain that I can actually focus more on taking care of my patients and doing the many other things that are part of the job.  I do hope I can work at least part-time hours in MRI for my current employer, because I've been a part of that environment and I really, really like the pace and the interaction with the emergency room there.

I want to write about so much more.  I want to write about medicine, and education, and places and people and fiction and non-fiction.  I want to keep teaching CPR and doing nucs and MRI and hopefully some TEE too, although I think they're more likely to get one of the heart station techs for that.  I like being there.  I like what I do for a living.  I like doing it there and in the capacity I do because it is a good pace for me.  I'm getting old and I need all the help I can get.

So tonight I'm writing about writing.  I have been journaling as I usually do, documenting everything from my desire to drink a whole quart of boiled custard (not something I would recommend for a diabetic) to details of Randy's eye disease.  For me writing is not just something I do to document history or to tell stories, it's something that helps me sort through the insanity that runs through my brain. 

My brain has caused me a lot of trouble, which I'm trying to turn into something a little more constructive.  Depression, or bipolar disorder if you believe the most current diagnosis (and I do), has taken its toll on me and this house.  Chronic pain hasn't helped either.  Diabetic neuropathy has been horrible to me.  I'm not quite as heavy as I was, but I'm more crippled by it along with the degenerative changes I've had, like plantar fasciitis, arthritis, avascular necrosis, and other issues.  And somehow during the years of constant lesson planning and grading and exhaustion, I totally lost control of this house and my finances.  I've been working on the house, not just to create a more writing-conducive environment but because I need to organize the budget and paperwork.  It's really not that we can't pay the bills anymore, because we do a pretty good job of it.  I just need to get ready for the day when I can't drive to Nashville anymore, when it's time to move to assisted living or what have you.  Hopefully, that day is a long ways off.

Today I cleaned under my son's old bed and then moved the queen mattress and box springs into his old room.  I have a place for the twin mattress and frame and the old box spring is ready for the dump.  I have a box spring for the twin where it's going.  I moved my old recliner and took a TV into the kitchen/office and I am set up to get this room and all its paperwork under control so I can get out of debt.  I do see that as a possibility someday and it excites me.  Getting in there and working was exciting for me too.  So hopefully, in a few days, I'll be ready to start on some of the projects I think about all the time... like updating all my websites.  The Hee Haw almanac and website need a lot of work and I have some real goals to work on.  I need to get my ads up to date on all my sites and try to make them pay off a little.  I want to sell some of the collectible stuff I have and thin out my collections.  I want to write a lot more about country music history because there is a whole lot of it to share.  I want to write about not just the health issues I have but also those that are in the news and on the medical TV shows... about health education for health science teachers and college students who are interested in medicine.  And music... I want to market myself as well as our band.  I want to have information about my health and wellness business.  And lest I forget, this is where I sometimes do a little preaching.  So watch this space for more...

tapestry

Don't die of shock because I'm writing two days in a row!

I'm actually seeing some benefit in using this as a method for web curation.  I Tweet interesting articles but I don't think I can use Twitter in class.  Interestingly, Tumblr isn't blocked, or at least it wasn't earlier in the school year.

Here's an article from Neuroscience News about a polio-like illness recently found in California.  I'd just Tweeted about another one... that one was in the emergency medicine journal Medscape Emergency.

I'm teaching about ECGs right now.  Here's a blog I just found:  Keeping ECGs Simple

Professional dress article in NurseTogether.com... I may have to see if I can get into the "inner circle" of this site.  I'm sure I can add something!

I've been a little disturbed by this recent news:  Three Parents.  Can you see me shivering?  Eeehhwww.

Another possibly troubling lab test... new DNA test for Down Syndrome.  As a parent of a child born with a birth defect, I know that knowing what we were facing before he was born was a wonderful gift, but I wonder how this test will affect abortion rates.  I'm sure there will be many heated debates about this one (but hopefully, not on this blog...).

Growing up, the first person I ever knew with Downs was Dawn Hulsizer, who passed away Sunday night and was buried today.  My heart is so heavy for her family, but she is flying with the angels now.  I love the picture her family put on the funeral home website.  I can't help but wonder... what if we're not the "normal" ones, they are?  Or if they're the more advanced, evolved models of humanity? I can just hear her dad calling her "Dawnie" with his New York accent...

Anybody remember diagramming sentences?  Here's a fun article about those.  Speaking of sentences, here are some really strange sentences.

I've got to stop.  I could go on all night doing this.

Yet another type of testing in this article from NPR:  You got WHAT in the mail?

Autism diagnosis changes...

Finally, my new favorite website ever.  Weekly Top 40

He's Alive!

Happy Easter everybody!  I had a great Easter, though I didn't feel too great.  I ate a good breakfast and didn't feel much like eating lunch (but I did).  Since then I have just snacked a bit.  We went to Sunrise Service and then to regular worship where we sang in the cantata.  Then we went to Randy's mom's for lunch, with Rachel.  D had to work.

I really just wanted to post that I decided last week to put off working on the PhD until next year, if at all.  I was 22 when I got my BS, and I'll be 46 when I get my MAEd.  At that rate I'll be 70 when I get my PhD, and that's OK.  I don't know that I'll wait that long, but I don't know that I'll get it at all.  Maybe when I am not in school I will enjoy teaching more.  We shall see.  Part of me would like to get a degree in counseling also... my interest is in psychology and neuroscience... but we shall see.  I don't know that I have to get more formal education to learn more.

I'm not Lisa. My name is Julie.

My name is not Julie.  Nor was the woman's singing this song - that would've been Jessi Colter, the undeniably hot wife (now widow) of Waylon Jennings.  My really pretty stepsister looks a lot like a young Jessi, to me.  Yes, I am a little jealous - Jessi was hot, but also extremely cool.  Still is, really.

That link will take you to a YouTube video of her singing on "Hee Haw" and, of course, if you know me, you'll know I've written a bunch of stuff about that show.

I didn't start this post with the intention of writing about Jessi Colter.  I wanted to write about someone named Julie, Julie London.  She was another hot but extremely cool lady.  Yes, I really AM heterosexual.  I promise.  But when you're a kid, you often admire the beautiful women in your life and in front of you on the TV.  I haven't forgotten this!

With this sort of mindset, the other morning I was fighting the urge to go back to sleep.  The night before, I'd been up late and I read the IMDb profile I linked above, and I thought, I really need to watch some "Emergency."  So that morning when I was dragging, I thought, "What would Dixie McCall do?"  Dixie, of course, was the name of Julie's character, the unflappable, consummate ER nurse who was, in my humble opinion, perfect for the job.  She stood up for others, whether they be the patient or a co-worker, whenever necessary.  She offered a listening ear or a hand to hold.  She was efficient and professional, caring and yet direct.  She was smart and always knew what to do.  I still want to be Dixie when I grow up.

What would Dixie have done that early morning?  Why, she'd have gotten up and made a pot of coffee and gotten down to business!  I could've made a pot of coffee, but I've been drinking tea more lately.  I had a jug in the kitchen, so I poured myself a big glass and got on with my day.  I had an observation that day.  I don't know yet how it went (my meeting is tomorrow) but I felt cool, calm, unflappable, and interesting.  I created a meme and put it on my desktop both at home and work, and even printed a copy for my desk at work:

You may copy it... I don't remember where the picture came from either so I deserve no credit.  It's good to have it.  I sat down here awhile ago and I saw that picture and I thought... Dixie would sit here and do her lesson plans!

Of course I sat here and wrote this post instead... but I'll get to work on those lesson plans right away.  I just had to share this with my "fans."  (tee, hee... these probably never get read!)

And I don't know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all

It was the song from the 80s that I play sometimes and always think of someone who didn't turn out to be my soulmate, but who has been in my thoughts at least once a day, every day, ever since.  Not in such a way that it ruins my life, more in a wow, that was a fun memory kind of way.  Or yeah, Jeff used to do that, I wonder if he still does.  Things like, the Seahawks were his team, or he had a Herschel Walker "You lied like a dawg" t-shirt, or that he would never admit it to his friends but he liked Air Supply.

He and most of his friends were brainy and somewhat immature, in an innocent and sweet way.  They weren't out tearing up the neighborhood; they were renting movies, hanging out at houses with pool tables and Ataris, ordering pizza, playing football and/or basketball in the backyard, and collecting comic books.  If they were 17 now, they'd be playing video games like my son.  It was sort of like a high school version of "The Big Bang Theory."  There were a few of us girls who had classes with this crowd.  I saw a few of us there today.  If girls who hang out with gay men are "f@g hags" (and I apologize for being offensive, I would never refer to a person that way myself, but I have friends who referred to themselves that way) what are girls who hang out with nerds called?  They weren't really nerds, at least, I thought they all had good qualities.  Brains and wit were far more entertaining than popularity and obsession with looking good.

So today I went to the funeral home to visit a childhood friend, a mutual friend of ours, a former classmate (a grade younger) and even a short-time boyfriend.  His mom died on the 17th.  I sat next to Jeff, another former classmate a grade younger, longtime friend, former neighbor, and sometimes boyfriend in the old days.  I went out with him 3 weeks before I married Randy.  Bill said Randy and I were people who needed that time of trial, that idea of, well, we've tried everything else, and this is what's right for us.  I guess that was true.  We've been together for a long time - and married for 23.5 years.

When you're happy in your relationship, and I am, and I'm pretty sure Randy is too, it's good to see your exes in happy relationships too.  I like Jeff's wife.  She is so sweet, and she tries to take care of Jeff's dad, and he needs that.  I almost wish I could set him up with Mom because they could both use the company.  But, he doesn't need to have to take care of anybody and she's not able to.  And Bill seems to be happy too.  His girlfriend is cute, and seems kind and sweet.

So yeah.  I'm happy for them all.  Really and truly.