A couple years ago, I subscribed to Newspapers.com, which is really entertaining and wonderful for a trivia and history buff such as myself. Maybe we aren't supposed to remember all the people who died in the past, but there were lots of characters who have gotten lost in all the information out there these days. I wrote about some of them back in March and there are many others I could write about.
So, starting today (this is post 1 of 2 today), my blog is getting a new life. It's slow time at work now, the time of year when I have to look for work to get enough to pay the bills. Off the clock, my life is changing slowly, but changing none the less, and it may result in my having more time to devote to my already-existing side jobs of CPR instruction and writing non-fiction with a few fictional stories here and there.
Our 26-year-old daughter is moving home at some point in the next few months, and as I'm cleaning out our son's old bedroom to let her bring in her stuff, I'm moving things around and getting rid of things that mean nothing to me. There's plenty of that. I'm a packrat, not really to hoarder status because I have paths through all the rooms (LOL) but... just getting rid of things that I'm not attached to is working pretty well for now. A new storage unit business has been opened just down the road from us, and after the "bug man" comes, I'm going to rent one for her extra stuff and my CPR business storage. Since it's right down the road, it'll be easy to grab things as I go, kind of like I do from my garage now. But when the garage gets cleaned out... that'll give us more room too.
When we moved in here, we never dreamed we'd still be here 25 years later. Heck, we only had one baby and she was a toddler! We didn't even know there'd be a boy joining us in about 18 months! Things have changed a lot, mostly in the amount of crap we've managed to cram into this place. It became too small the day I moved the crib into the "storage room" so that boy would have a room of his own. I was never a great housekeeper, but when we got a dog who destroyed carpet and furniture, I was overwhelmed. I got depressed. Then we got computers that opened us up to all kinds of information and entertainment, so I became an even worse housekeeper. The kids weren't much help. We got more animals, then gradually they died out. By this time I wasn't working 40 hours a week or driving and working, I was teaching and driving so I never had any free time whatsoever to work on the house. When I went back to nucs and the kids were in college or on their own, I was physically just barely able to work and function, and I was scared of mice coming out of cabinets and closets that needed cleaning. I got two more cats, but physically I'm still not doing that great. I'm gradually getting better by making some changes that I won't go into here, but I'm looking forward to having more energy and if I can get the house cleaned up a little more (and I am getting there), writing will be easier because I won't feel like I should be doing something else instead!
Showing posts with label everyday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label everyday. Show all posts
Friday, August 17, 2018
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
One of these nights...
One of these nights I'm gonna write something absolutely amazing and powerful and I'm really looking forward to it.
So far, I haven't figured out what that is, exactly... but I'm okay with that. I'll keep on writing until I do.
I'd love to write more, and really, I DO write more than I post on this blog because I prefer not to just throw everything I think onto a blog like a diary for everyone in the universe to read. I work a lot, and I love what I do 99.44% of the time but I would love to have more time to write. I spend too much time trying to make money. Well, I might as well while I'm able and my kids aren't little anymore so that I can retire before I die. I tell people I write every chance I get but it's really not true. If it were true, I'd have a lot more material to read. I have many, many stories in my head that I really should put into writing, because I know I'm not going to live forever (at least not in this realm, and I'm not sure how much of my brain will make it through the life I'm living now) and I don't want the stories and characters to die with me. After I'm gone my kids can pass this stuff on to other people, or just give them away, but hopefully, I'll get some of them out into the world and let the universe decide whether they're worth keeping.
There were also people who once walked this earth and not just through my brain whose stories shouldn't be forgotten either. Those who passed after about 2005 will have more information about them on the Internet for future generations than those who passed before that, and there are stories in the old newspapers and databases for those who wish to look for those folks. Still there are people who lived quiet and simple lives, whose stories weren't compelling Nicholas Sparks novel fodder (or even Lifetime movie fodder), who've left serious marks on the manuscript of my own life. My grandmother was one... one of her father's seventeen children as well as one of her mother's eleven. Her oldest sister Lorene was evidently unable to bear children of her own, but I never, ever heard her complain about that, or talk about it at all. I never asked her why she didn't have children, maybe because I was afraid to bring it up. Her husband had lost two children in the Christmas Eve crash that claimed his first wife and left him with only his son. Maybe she figured it might've been better to have had no children at all. His son gave her four step-grandchildren that she dearly loved in her own quiet way. She wasn't the kind of grandmother who took the kids to Opryland (actually they didn't have that on either side, but all their grandparents cared for them very much) but she baked them goodies and visited them and kept an eye on them and probably went to graduations and things like that, I don't remember. She also kept a lot of other relatives, like me.
She, like Granny, had a portrait of a handsome young man I never had the privilege to know, my uncle Olie. His death at age 18 was one of those events you see in movies, where a local teenager gets really sick (or has an accident or gets shot or... you get the picture) and dies young and the whole town shuts down for the funeral. But before I knew all that about the town's reaction, I knew that my grandmother and all her family lost a dear brother, son, grandson, and uncle. I guess because he didn't live long enough to have children and grandchildren of his own, I felt sort of obligated to keep his memory alive. I think others in my family might've felt that way too. For example, my uncle Lanny put a new headstone on Olie's grave. Lanny was just a little fella when Olie died; I think he was about 3.
These are just a few of the stories I'd like to share, as well as some of the fictional characters I've created over the years. Some of my characters are loosely based on real people and real events, but in general most are purely made up. Here's an example of that: I used to wonder what it would've been like if Lorene and her first husband had adopted a child, or had a baby late in life. Everette was only in his early 40s when he died, so he would've died very early in this baby's life. I came up with a lot of good stories and characters from that "what if" story. Many of my stories are "what ifs" or at least they start out that way. I do a lot of research into the past to find details and ideas. Like looking at Olie's death certificate and obituary.
I need to be looking at the inside of my eyelids. Gotta go make that money while it's there.
So far, I haven't figured out what that is, exactly... but I'm okay with that. I'll keep on writing until I do.
I'd love to write more, and really, I DO write more than I post on this blog because I prefer not to just throw everything I think onto a blog like a diary for everyone in the universe to read. I work a lot, and I love what I do 99.44% of the time but I would love to have more time to write. I spend too much time trying to make money. Well, I might as well while I'm able and my kids aren't little anymore so that I can retire before I die. I tell people I write every chance I get but it's really not true. If it were true, I'd have a lot more material to read. I have many, many stories in my head that I really should put into writing, because I know I'm not going to live forever (at least not in this realm, and I'm not sure how much of my brain will make it through the life I'm living now) and I don't want the stories and characters to die with me. After I'm gone my kids can pass this stuff on to other people, or just give them away, but hopefully, I'll get some of them out into the world and let the universe decide whether they're worth keeping.
There were also people who once walked this earth and not just through my brain whose stories shouldn't be forgotten either. Those who passed after about 2005 will have more information about them on the Internet for future generations than those who passed before that, and there are stories in the old newspapers and databases for those who wish to look for those folks. Still there are people who lived quiet and simple lives, whose stories weren't compelling Nicholas Sparks novel fodder (or even Lifetime movie fodder), who've left serious marks on the manuscript of my own life. My grandmother was one... one of her father's seventeen children as well as one of her mother's eleven. Her oldest sister Lorene was evidently unable to bear children of her own, but I never, ever heard her complain about that, or talk about it at all. I never asked her why she didn't have children, maybe because I was afraid to bring it up. Her husband had lost two children in the Christmas Eve crash that claimed his first wife and left him with only his son. Maybe she figured it might've been better to have had no children at all. His son gave her four step-grandchildren that she dearly loved in her own quiet way. She wasn't the kind of grandmother who took the kids to Opryland (actually they didn't have that on either side, but all their grandparents cared for them very much) but she baked them goodies and visited them and kept an eye on them and probably went to graduations and things like that, I don't remember. She also kept a lot of other relatives, like me.
She, like Granny, had a portrait of a handsome young man I never had the privilege to know, my uncle Olie. His death at age 18 was one of those events you see in movies, where a local teenager gets really sick (or has an accident or gets shot or... you get the picture) and dies young and the whole town shuts down for the funeral. But before I knew all that about the town's reaction, I knew that my grandmother and all her family lost a dear brother, son, grandson, and uncle. I guess because he didn't live long enough to have children and grandchildren of his own, I felt sort of obligated to keep his memory alive. I think others in my family might've felt that way too. For example, my uncle Lanny put a new headstone on Olie's grave. Lanny was just a little fella when Olie died; I think he was about 3.
These are just a few of the stories I'd like to share, as well as some of the fictional characters I've created over the years. Some of my characters are loosely based on real people and real events, but in general most are purely made up. Here's an example of that: I used to wonder what it would've been like if Lorene and her first husband had adopted a child, or had a baby late in life. Everette was only in his early 40s when he died, so he would've died very early in this baby's life. I came up with a lot of good stories and characters from that "what if" story. Many of my stories are "what ifs" or at least they start out that way. I do a lot of research into the past to find details and ideas. Like looking at Olie's death certificate and obituary.
I need to be looking at the inside of my eyelids. Gotta go make that money while it's there.
Thursday, June 01, 2017
It's Only Make-Believe
So I'm watching CNN and I think, what if there was a parody character called "Kellyanne Conway Twitty"??? And of course, I am not the first to think of this... I'm not sure who was, but Seth MacFarlane, for one, beat me to the punch.
Ah, Seth MacFarlane... I have mixed feelings about him... he is drop-dead gorgeous and insanely talented, but his sense of humor is no smarter than a fifth-grader. A precocious fifth-grader, but... anyway, great minds think alike, eh??? ;D
Seth either loves or loves to rag on ol' Conway. Like all Southern white kids in the 70s, I was exposed to regular doses of Conway Twitty. We watched all those GREAT country music TV shows every Saturday afternoon (as my Granny used to say about watching Andy Griffith) BECAUSE WE HAD TO. Now, I really love to wax nostalgic about the old country shows and seriously, they played a YUGE part in making me the music lover I am today. The TV alternatives were limited. Today's youngsters can not begin to imagine three or four channels. Even the "big three" have local networks!
I don't remember just three channels. I don't remember a time before PBS. I'm not sure when public TV came to Nashville, but I do remember seeing "Sesame Street" mentioned on another show, before I had discovered the Muppets. That was the first time I ever saw that my mom tried to hide things from me. She did not want me to start watching "Sesame Street" because she foresaw exactly what happened. She knew I'd get hooked. She didn't want to have to watch silly puppets!
If she were here, I would ask her if she really thought Gilligan was any better.
But back to Conway Twitty. I DID discover him when I was young, like age four, but that's when he looked like this (from "Hee Haw," by the way, and also used by Seth MacFarlane on "Family Guy"):
If I'd discovered him when he looked like he did in this next clip, I probably would have thought he was hot, like my aunt Peggy and a lot of other women who were young in the 1960s and 70s did. OMG. When Conway died on June 5, 1993, Peggy and one of her friends stayed up late, drinking adult beverages, crying and listening to his music, probably on vinyl... possibly on cassette... maybe, but probably not, on 8-track... and maybe on a CD... not everyone had a player then but they were gaining popularity. I understood that SHE liked him and I could understand, kind of, because I figured she was about 50 and he was probably about 50 and he sang all those sexy songs and had kind of a cool voice, but I didn't think he was HOT. But in this clip below, he was kind of cute, and that song is freakin' amazing:
Here is another phenomenal clip of the same song... I did not know this show existed. As performances go, it's not the best Conway ever did (although it might explain why he didn't dance much once color TV footage began), but it's a piece of broadcasting history for Dick Clark's intro alone. Conway looked very uncomfortable and staged, and had to be lip-synching (I just don't think there was any other way back then) but wow! What a lucky break for an Arkansas boy to share a TV audience with Fabian!
It's only make-believe... just like he's making believe he is singing... I have a real-life, not make-believe, Conway Twitty story. When I was 12, I ran into him - I mean, I literally ran.into.him - in a bowling alley in Hendersonville, TN. He was polite, maybe a little annoyed, but polite. Later I saw him playing in the 11th Frame Lounge, adjoining the bowling alley, just through the door. I didn't go in. That would've been a riot. I was there with my church youth group. He didn't look it in black-and-white, but he was in his mid-20s by the time he made it to Dick Clark's Beech-Nut Show. That makes me feel better. I think it's kind of creepy for an old woman to think such a young man would be attractive! But my daughter will be 25 this summer - NEXT MONTH! - so I guess that's why Conway looks like a kid in those video clips.
I have always had a great sense of imagination. I'm glad that it has grown up along with me, but I am really sorry that I haven't written everything I've dreamt up over the years. I created characters based on people I knew but mostly based on "what if" scenarios I dreamed up about them. I have a lot of these stories but now, I don't have nearly enough time to write about them. I'm trying, though. I'm busy in my "real job" but I have a lot more time than I let myself believe. I like writing non-fiction as well as fiction.. or maybe I should say, real life as much as make-believe. I'm blessed to have great memories and imagination for both.
Ah, Seth MacFarlane... I have mixed feelings about him... he is drop-dead gorgeous and insanely talented, but his sense of humor is no smarter than a fifth-grader. A precocious fifth-grader, but... anyway, great minds think alike, eh??? ;D
Seth either loves or loves to rag on ol' Conway. Like all Southern white kids in the 70s, I was exposed to regular doses of Conway Twitty. We watched all those GREAT country music TV shows every Saturday afternoon (as my Granny used to say about watching Andy Griffith) BECAUSE WE HAD TO. Now, I really love to wax nostalgic about the old country shows and seriously, they played a YUGE part in making me the music lover I am today. The TV alternatives were limited. Today's youngsters can not begin to imagine three or four channels. Even the "big three" have local networks!
I don't remember just three channels. I don't remember a time before PBS. I'm not sure when public TV came to Nashville, but I do remember seeing "Sesame Street" mentioned on another show, before I had discovered the Muppets. That was the first time I ever saw that my mom tried to hide things from me. She did not want me to start watching "Sesame Street" because she foresaw exactly what happened. She knew I'd get hooked. She didn't want to have to watch silly puppets!
If she were here, I would ask her if she really thought Gilligan was any better.
But back to Conway Twitty. I DID discover him when I was young, like age four, but that's when he looked like this (from "Hee Haw," by the way, and also used by Seth MacFarlane on "Family Guy"):
If I'd discovered him when he looked like he did in this next clip, I probably would have thought he was hot, like my aunt Peggy and a lot of other women who were young in the 1960s and 70s did. OMG. When Conway died on June 5, 1993, Peggy and one of her friends stayed up late, drinking adult beverages, crying and listening to his music, probably on vinyl... possibly on cassette... maybe, but probably not, on 8-track... and maybe on a CD... not everyone had a player then but they were gaining popularity. I understood that SHE liked him and I could understand, kind of, because I figured she was about 50 and he was probably about 50 and he sang all those sexy songs and had kind of a cool voice, but I didn't think he was HOT. But in this clip below, he was kind of cute, and that song is freakin' amazing:
Here is another phenomenal clip of the same song... I did not know this show existed. As performances go, it's not the best Conway ever did (although it might explain why he didn't dance much once color TV footage began), but it's a piece of broadcasting history for Dick Clark's intro alone. Conway looked very uncomfortable and staged, and had to be lip-synching (I just don't think there was any other way back then) but wow! What a lucky break for an Arkansas boy to share a TV audience with Fabian!
It's only make-believe... just like he's making believe he is singing... I have a real-life, not make-believe, Conway Twitty story. When I was 12, I ran into him - I mean, I literally ran.into.him - in a bowling alley in Hendersonville, TN. He was polite, maybe a little annoyed, but polite. Later I saw him playing in the 11th Frame Lounge, adjoining the bowling alley, just through the door. I didn't go in. That would've been a riot. I was there with my church youth group. He didn't look it in black-and-white, but he was in his mid-20s by the time he made it to Dick Clark's Beech-Nut Show. That makes me feel better. I think it's kind of creepy for an old woman to think such a young man would be attractive! But my daughter will be 25 this summer - NEXT MONTH! - so I guess that's why Conway looks like a kid in those video clips.
I have always had a great sense of imagination. I'm glad that it has grown up along with me, but I am really sorry that I haven't written everything I've dreamt up over the years. I created characters based on people I knew but mostly based on "what if" scenarios I dreamed up about them. I have a lot of these stories but now, I don't have nearly enough time to write about them. I'm trying, though. I'm busy in my "real job" but I have a lot more time than I let myself believe. I like writing non-fiction as well as fiction.. or maybe I should say, real life as much as make-believe. I'm blessed to have great memories and imagination for both.
Wednesday, May 03, 2017
How can people have no feelings? Easy to be hard... easy to say no
I don't go political too much, but I have been hearing so much about healthcare reform, etc. lately. I have a lot to say about it, not as an employee but as a wife, mother, and daughter... as a woman, as a human.
No, health care is not a "right" per se, but in a country that wants to be one of the greatest, people should be able to access the necessary healthcare no matter their income. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If we have the right to life that means we have the right to do what's necessary to avoid death. Being ill can often feel like imprisonment, the opposite of liberty. One can be happy in poor health, but it's not easy. I have no problem with working to pay for my health insurance. The rock star and I always have. I also have no problem with my tax dollars helping people who truly cannot work to pay for their health insurance. For example, my mom had stage IV cancer and worked as a "cafeteria lady" far longer than most people in her condition would have because long-term disability wouldn't pay enough to maintain her coverage. She got a type of state-funded insurance, which she had previously when she was working in a job that did not provide insurance. Her doctor became angry when she changed coverage, but she had little choice if she wanted to buy food and have running water and electricity. Someone I knew years ago was paralyzed on a motorcycle. He has since passed, but he couldn't work. He was in his early 20s. Could you look him in the eye and tell him he didn't deserve healthcare???
http://www.salon.com/2017/05/02/alabama-congressman-people-who-lead-good-lives-dont-have-preexisting-conditions/
I read an article where a man said that people who lived right don't have pre-existing conditions. The writer specifically mentioned strokes, heart problems, and birth defects. The rock star had a stroke at age 4 (yes, four) because of a birth defect - a heart problem. Not only that, but my grandmother had a stroke at age six. I'm not kidding. Personally, I am INSULTED that I would be blamed for my child having a birth defect. Yes, I had one of those too. I still have him! I did not smoke or do drugs when I was pregnant. I had a cold and had to take some medicine early on, which was okayed by my doctor. I don't want to say I'm a victim, but I don't think it was my fault. Nor do I blame my father-in-law for becoming the father of the rock star ten months after coming home from Vietnam where he was often exposed to Agent Orange... he didn't get drafted, he enlisted... but no, it was not his fault that his son was born with a life-threatening heart defect. I read someone's comment that Jimmy Kimmel's child was born with a heart defect because it was "karma" because he made jokes about Donald Trump. I disagree. Besides, what did that tiny baby do to deserve that?
I have a pre-existing condition, though i wasn't born with it. I'll take responsibility for my Type 2 diabetes. I ate my way into it. I'm sure all those low-fat, high-carb foods I ate in attempts to lose weight and maintain it in my 20s and 30s didn't have anything to do with my body becoming insulin resistant. I had inherited a predisposition to blood sugar issues. And my mom's cancer? She didn't smoke, seldom drank, tried to eat right and maintain a healthy weight, and exercised regularly most of her adult life. So why did she get cancer? Oh, that was probably hereditary too. What do you think about people whose genetic profiles show predisposition to diseases? Should we deny coverage to those people because we know it's going to cost more to take care of them? You going to look me in the eye and tell me no? And the young but now deceased motorcyclist? What if I told you he was driving too fast and was at fault? Would you look him in the eye and deny him coverage after that?
I have a problem with people who think it's ok to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions. Even though our insurance pays for those, our dental insurance would NOT cover needed dental implants for our child who was born with a cleft palate, and had teeth that did not form enamel properly (a condition that also affected my brother, though his lip and palate were fine). He had two root canals that had broken in the growth and surgical process. He had one tooth I jokingly called a "bubba tooth" - he laughed at it too - but it really wasn't funny, it was only about half a tooth. This after nine years of braces, 12 years of dental appliances... in his (then) 18 years of life.
If my brothers, uncle, and I had not just sold my mother's house, I'd planned to refinance my car to borrow that money. We're talking five digits worth of money, and that's not counting the numbers on the right of the decimal. I felt like we were lucky. I'd rather have had my mom living in that house, but I felt she would have approved of the money being spent that way.
I agree that the ACA - "Obamacare," as it is so frequently called, is not really its name - needs work and maybe even replacement. I want to see pre-existing conditions left in. I say we do not need caps on coverage. My sweet rock star and son might have had to do without healthcare... and who knows when we'd have had to start doing without. My mom's insurance company re-analyzed several medicines over the years. I think they were surprised that someone who had been through all she had was still alive, so they didn't realize they had to keep paying for those drugs!
When I was a new nuclear medicine tech back in the early 90s, occasionally I would see kids who had been born with cystic fibrosis (CF). Back then, a kid born with CF had a life expectancy of maybe 20 years. Now, babies born with the disease have a much longer life expectancy as more and more patients are living into their 40s and even beyond. If you put a cap on their benefits, some of those kids would not survive that long because they sometimes spend a lot of time in the hospital. I care, and that's because one of my childhood friends has a child with the disease. I don't know for certain but I would be beyond shocked if I learned that they had done anything at all during pregnancy to "deserve" a child with such a condition. No, that, like so many other things, is a GENETIC issue.
If you are healthy and have lived a "good" lifestyle, you are LUCKY. You won the genetic lottery. You may be taking good care of yourself and for that, you should be proud, but you should not judge others, for you do not know their stories. Can you honestly say you've never overeaten, or had too much ice cream, or just once, slept instead of working out? Can you truly say you've never broken the speed limit? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. As the saying goes, Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. (source unknown; attributed to Plato)
No, health care is not a "right" per se, but in a country that wants to be one of the greatest, people should be able to access the necessary healthcare no matter their income. We have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If we have the right to life that means we have the right to do what's necessary to avoid death. Being ill can often feel like imprisonment, the opposite of liberty. One can be happy in poor health, but it's not easy. I have no problem with working to pay for my health insurance. The rock star and I always have. I also have no problem with my tax dollars helping people who truly cannot work to pay for their health insurance. For example, my mom had stage IV cancer and worked as a "cafeteria lady" far longer than most people in her condition would have because long-term disability wouldn't pay enough to maintain her coverage. She got a type of state-funded insurance, which she had previously when she was working in a job that did not provide insurance. Her doctor became angry when she changed coverage, but she had little choice if she wanted to buy food and have running water and electricity. Someone I knew years ago was paralyzed on a motorcycle. He has since passed, but he couldn't work. He was in his early 20s. Could you look him in the eye and tell him he didn't deserve healthcare???
http://www.salon.com/2017/05/02/alabama-congressman-people-who-lead-good-lives-dont-have-preexisting-conditions/
I read an article where a man said that people who lived right don't have pre-existing conditions. The writer specifically mentioned strokes, heart problems, and birth defects. The rock star had a stroke at age 4 (yes, four) because of a birth defect - a heart problem. Not only that, but my grandmother had a stroke at age six. I'm not kidding. Personally, I am INSULTED that I would be blamed for my child having a birth defect. Yes, I had one of those too. I still have him! I did not smoke or do drugs when I was pregnant. I had a cold and had to take some medicine early on, which was okayed by my doctor. I don't want to say I'm a victim, but I don't think it was my fault. Nor do I blame my father-in-law for becoming the father of the rock star ten months after coming home from Vietnam where he was often exposed to Agent Orange... he didn't get drafted, he enlisted... but no, it was not his fault that his son was born with a life-threatening heart defect. I read someone's comment that Jimmy Kimmel's child was born with a heart defect because it was "karma" because he made jokes about Donald Trump. I disagree. Besides, what did that tiny baby do to deserve that?
I have a pre-existing condition, though i wasn't born with it. I'll take responsibility for my Type 2 diabetes. I ate my way into it. I'm sure all those low-fat, high-carb foods I ate in attempts to lose weight and maintain it in my 20s and 30s didn't have anything to do with my body becoming insulin resistant. I had inherited a predisposition to blood sugar issues. And my mom's cancer? She didn't smoke, seldom drank, tried to eat right and maintain a healthy weight, and exercised regularly most of her adult life. So why did she get cancer? Oh, that was probably hereditary too. What do you think about people whose genetic profiles show predisposition to diseases? Should we deny coverage to those people because we know it's going to cost more to take care of them? You going to look me in the eye and tell me no? And the young but now deceased motorcyclist? What if I told you he was driving too fast and was at fault? Would you look him in the eye and deny him coverage after that?
I have a problem with people who think it's ok to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions. Even though our insurance pays for those, our dental insurance would NOT cover needed dental implants for our child who was born with a cleft palate, and had teeth that did not form enamel properly (a condition that also affected my brother, though his lip and palate were fine). He had two root canals that had broken in the growth and surgical process. He had one tooth I jokingly called a "bubba tooth" - he laughed at it too - but it really wasn't funny, it was only about half a tooth. This after nine years of braces, 12 years of dental appliances... in his (then) 18 years of life.
If my brothers, uncle, and I had not just sold my mother's house, I'd planned to refinance my car to borrow that money. We're talking five digits worth of money, and that's not counting the numbers on the right of the decimal. I felt like we were lucky. I'd rather have had my mom living in that house, but I felt she would have approved of the money being spent that way.
I agree that the ACA - "Obamacare," as it is so frequently called, is not really its name - needs work and maybe even replacement. I want to see pre-existing conditions left in. I say we do not need caps on coverage. My sweet rock star and son might have had to do without healthcare... and who knows when we'd have had to start doing without. My mom's insurance company re-analyzed several medicines over the years. I think they were surprised that someone who had been through all she had was still alive, so they didn't realize they had to keep paying for those drugs!
When I was a new nuclear medicine tech back in the early 90s, occasionally I would see kids who had been born with cystic fibrosis (CF). Back then, a kid born with CF had a life expectancy of maybe 20 years. Now, babies born with the disease have a much longer life expectancy as more and more patients are living into their 40s and even beyond. If you put a cap on their benefits, some of those kids would not survive that long because they sometimes spend a lot of time in the hospital. I care, and that's because one of my childhood friends has a child with the disease. I don't know for certain but I would be beyond shocked if I learned that they had done anything at all during pregnancy to "deserve" a child with such a condition. No, that, like so many other things, is a GENETIC issue.
If you are healthy and have lived a "good" lifestyle, you are LUCKY. You won the genetic lottery. You may be taking good care of yourself and for that, you should be proud, but you should not judge others, for you do not know their stories. Can you honestly say you've never overeaten, or had too much ice cream, or just once, slept instead of working out? Can you truly say you've never broken the speed limit? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. As the saying goes, Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. (source unknown; attributed to Plato)
How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Who care about strangers
Who care about evil
And social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend
Care about the bleeding crowd?
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend
How can people be so heartless
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to give in
Easy to help out
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to give in
Easy to help out
And especially people
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Who care about strangers
Who say they care about social injustice
Do you only
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend
Care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needing friend?
I need a friend
How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
Songwriters
Ragni, Gerome / Rado, James / Mac Dermot, Galt
Ragni, Gerome / Rado, James / Mac Dermot, Galt
Monday, March 20, 2017
Loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be...
Well, you can say that again. I'm still waiting for my tour bus and swimming pool. Hahaha! I can't really complain, though. He's a good husband and he's bringing home dinner!!! Also, our band is playing this weekend... but more about that later.
So I have a lot of big plans for my writing and webpages. I know, I say that about once a year, but maybe God is trying to tell me something.
For one thing, I'm not getting a lot of work hours right now, and this was supposed to be one of my busy times. In February, I had 21.5 weekdays scheduled to work in March. By March 1, two days had already been canceled. On March 3, a tech called about her upcoming some surgery, which will put her out 8 weeks. She works 4 days a week. Of course, I have some days I'm scheduled to go other places. I can only be one place at a time, but the lead tech knows this, and I'm sure they'll work out the details when it gets a little closer.
On March 6, I learned that I wouldn't be needed on the 7th as well as the 12th through the 15th. They also cancelled 4 more weeks scattered through the rest of the year at that location. On the 7th, I learned they could not use me on the 8th. I called the CPR office and was able to pick up a few days there. That day, the surgery date was set for the above-mentioned tech, so I was able to make some plans, which included two days of teaching CPR, including the 13th and 14th. Naturally, as soon as I did that, a coworker asked if I could work on the 14th, so I canceled that day too. A few hours later, the lead tech asked if I could work on the 13th. I told her that I had just canceled 3 CPR days and I need CPR to keep the wolf from the door during the slow times, but I'd work in the morning if she needed me to, and she took me up on that. So, I ended up working a half a day on the 13th, then rushing over to teach CPR. On my way home, I got a text message saying that they did not need me on the 14th after all. Unfortunately, they didn't need me to teach CPR by then either. Last night they called me in to work today, where I learned that I am no longer needed Wednesday through Friday. So I was planning to work 21.5 days and I'll end up with 13.5, unless something changes.
And so it goes.
Besides that, I've been inspired to do a lot more writing. A few months ago, I started subscribing to a website called newspapers.com. I'd heard of it before, when I was teaching, but I didn't subscribe because I didn't think I could get my money's worth out of it. In one of my "fact-finding missions" I do researching sometimes, I discovered an article on the site and it suddenly dawned on me... I could use it to help me with Hee Haw, country music history, Frank Sutton history, Ridgetop history, and the list goes on. We're playing this coming Saturday night, the 25th, in Dickson, TN, at the VFW. I don't know the time, I would guess 8:00 pm, but I will try to get that updated ASAP. I also want to get the Brewer's Chapel page updated. In the next few months we will be getting a new pastor. This is pretty standard procedure, Methodists switch out pastors every few years and our pastor's getting ready to retire. He has had some health issues in the past, but this past year has been particularly hard on him. I am not sure what to expect from our new pastor, but we have had this website for a long time that I haven't been updating, and I think if we want more younger people involved in the church, a strong web presence would be a good thing... and that includes getting control of the Brewer's Chapel Facebook page. A former pastor started it, which is cool, but since he's somewhere else, we need to get that. I don't mind updating it, either, as long as I don't have to tweet!
Those two things alone would be plenty of writing, but the Hee Haw page needs some serious updating too. One of those days off this week I will go to Springfield, to the library to do some research, and to take some pictures of the Royal Inn before it gets torn down. Now, it may be years before they tear the place down, but it could be tomorrow! There is a man named James Lileks, a writer and reporter in Minneapolis who has a website with motel postcards, etc. Really, he has a veritable treasure trove of modern American history. I need to send him a picture of the Royal Inn if I can get one before they tear it down, since he has one from there. Maybe I can send him a link to that pic on the FB "You Know You're From Springfield, TN if..." page, too. I'm sure Bill Jones would enjoy Lileks' webpage. It'd also be good if I can get it on my Royalty page too.
So I have a lot of exciting ideas for my webpages. Another idea I'm considering is oral history type stuff, or interviews with older folks. I think there are organizations like libraries that have organized programs for this, so I'll have to check into it. Another oral history idea I have is doing people's memories it Brewers Chapel in a online type thing, maybe on the web page.
But if you will, bear with me a couple of weeks because I'm scheduled to take the MRI registry exam on Friday, March 31. I will be doing a lot of studying for that in the next couple weeks. After that, I plan to be writing a lot. Of course, if I'm working in MRI a lot at that time, then I won't really have a lot of time to work on writing then either, but I'm pretty motivated right now. I've discovered that I can dictate while I'm driving. I can set up the phone and the iPad both to record my dictation, and I can also use the voice recognition to record on the other one so I can put them together when I get home. That's what I've done today. It's taken me some time, but I still have several hours before I have to go to bed, so I can study after dinner.
So I have a lot of big plans for my writing and webpages. I know, I say that about once a year, but maybe God is trying to tell me something.
For one thing, I'm not getting a lot of work hours right now, and this was supposed to be one of my busy times. In February, I had 21.5 weekdays scheduled to work in March. By March 1, two days had already been canceled. On March 3, a tech called about her upcoming some surgery, which will put her out 8 weeks. She works 4 days a week. Of course, I have some days I'm scheduled to go other places. I can only be one place at a time, but the lead tech knows this, and I'm sure they'll work out the details when it gets a little closer.
On March 6, I learned that I wouldn't be needed on the 7th as well as the 12th through the 15th. They also cancelled 4 more weeks scattered through the rest of the year at that location. On the 7th, I learned they could not use me on the 8th. I called the CPR office and was able to pick up a few days there. That day, the surgery date was set for the above-mentioned tech, so I was able to make some plans, which included two days of teaching CPR, including the 13th and 14th. Naturally, as soon as I did that, a coworker asked if I could work on the 14th, so I canceled that day too. A few hours later, the lead tech asked if I could work on the 13th. I told her that I had just canceled 3 CPR days and I need CPR to keep the wolf from the door during the slow times, but I'd work in the morning if she needed me to, and she took me up on that. So, I ended up working a half a day on the 13th, then rushing over to teach CPR. On my way home, I got a text message saying that they did not need me on the 14th after all. Unfortunately, they didn't need me to teach CPR by then either. Last night they called me in to work today, where I learned that I am no longer needed Wednesday through Friday. So I was planning to work 21.5 days and I'll end up with 13.5, unless something changes.
And so it goes.
Besides that, I've been inspired to do a lot more writing. A few months ago, I started subscribing to a website called newspapers.com. I'd heard of it before, when I was teaching, but I didn't subscribe because I didn't think I could get my money's worth out of it. In one of my "fact-finding missions" I do researching sometimes, I discovered an article on the site and it suddenly dawned on me... I could use it to help me with Hee Haw, country music history, Frank Sutton history, Ridgetop history, and the list goes on. We're playing this coming Saturday night, the 25th, in Dickson, TN, at the VFW. I don't know the time, I would guess 8:00 pm, but I will try to get that updated ASAP. I also want to get the Brewer's Chapel page updated. In the next few months we will be getting a new pastor. This is pretty standard procedure, Methodists switch out pastors every few years and our pastor's getting ready to retire. He has had some health issues in the past, but this past year has been particularly hard on him. I am not sure what to expect from our new pastor, but we have had this website for a long time that I haven't been updating, and I think if we want more younger people involved in the church, a strong web presence would be a good thing... and that includes getting control of the Brewer's Chapel Facebook page. A former pastor started it, which is cool, but since he's somewhere else, we need to get that. I don't mind updating it, either, as long as I don't have to tweet!
Those two things alone would be plenty of writing, but the Hee Haw page needs some serious updating too. One of those days off this week I will go to Springfield, to the library to do some research, and to take some pictures of the Royal Inn before it gets torn down. Now, it may be years before they tear the place down, but it could be tomorrow! There is a man named James Lileks, a writer and reporter in Minneapolis who has a website with motel postcards, etc. Really, he has a veritable treasure trove of modern American history. I need to send him a picture of the Royal Inn if I can get one before they tear it down, since he has one from there. Maybe I can send him a link to that pic on the FB "You Know You're From Springfield, TN if..." page, too. I'm sure Bill Jones would enjoy Lileks' webpage. It'd also be good if I can get it on my Royalty page too.
So I have a lot of exciting ideas for my webpages. Another idea I'm considering is oral history type stuff, or interviews with older folks. I think there are organizations like libraries that have organized programs for this, so I'll have to check into it. Another oral history idea I have is doing people's memories it Brewers Chapel in a online type thing, maybe on the web page.
But if you will, bear with me a couple of weeks because I'm scheduled to take the MRI registry exam on Friday, March 31. I will be doing a lot of studying for that in the next couple weeks. After that, I plan to be writing a lot. Of course, if I'm working in MRI a lot at that time, then I won't really have a lot of time to work on writing then either, but I'm pretty motivated right now. I've discovered that I can dictate while I'm driving. I can set up the phone and the iPad both to record my dictation, and I can also use the voice recognition to record on the other one so I can put them together when I get home. That's what I've done today. It's taken me some time, but I still have several hours before I have to go to bed, so I can study after dinner.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Happy, happy birthday, blog!
TEN years ago today this blog moved from MSN Spaces to Blogger. TEN years. A chronicle of my life... 20% or so of my life... documented on the 'Net for all the world to see. Yes, there were times there were gaps of up to 11 months. Two different years that I posted only 5 times. But, I can look back and smile, remembering things like my little girl putting the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier when she was 13. Now she is 23... and almost 24.
I can't believe it's been 10 years since I started this blog. Time flies, whether you're having fun or not!
I updated my health blog this morning and will update the Brewer's Chapel blog in the near future... maybe tonight.
Life is good and keep looking for more updates!
I can't believe it's been 10 years since I started this blog. Time flies, whether you're having fun or not!
I updated my health blog this morning and will update the Brewer's Chapel blog in the near future... maybe tonight.
Life is good and keep looking for more updates!
Sunday, August 02, 2015
Working for a living...
So tonight I'm sitting here halfway watching TV and halfway working. I need to figure out how much work I need to do outside of my part-time jobs this week. But Hee Haw is on! That's actually pretty good inspiration for working on webpages. I'm doing nukes tomorrow. I've got a doctor appointment Tuesday and then working afterward, then all day Wednesday, and teaching CPR the end of the week in Springfield and at Vandy. This is my "audition" with Vandy so I hope I "pass."
I figure blogging is a good start to my workweek.
Tonight's the weekly Arbonne sales call for our team. I have asked two people to host for me in the last 2 days, 3 really, but 2 are hosting together. They scheduled a date for me, next month, but that's all right... better than no date at all. The third didn't, yet, but maybe soon. I'm going to make some ads to put on my pages. I don't like to work too much on Sundays... I think we all need to rest one day a week if we can.
I'm pushing the 80/20 rule on eating. I'm only following about 50/50 right now! No, maybe 60/40. I'm working at it. I went to the Y in Clarksville today and that was a good thing.
I figure blogging is a good start to my workweek.
Tonight's the weekly Arbonne sales call for our team. I have asked two people to host for me in the last 2 days, 3 really, but 2 are hosting together. They scheduled a date for me, next month, but that's all right... better than no date at all. The third didn't, yet, but maybe soon. I'm going to make some ads to put on my pages. I don't like to work too much on Sundays... I think we all need to rest one day a week if we can.
I'm pushing the 80/20 rule on eating. I'm only following about 50/50 right now! No, maybe 60/40. I'm working at it. I went to the Y in Clarksville today and that was a good thing.
Sunday, March 09, 2014
Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one...
I'd planned to use this post to document my progress on the "40 bags in 40 days" project for Lent. You know, 40 bags of decluttering... however, I've been working a lot! I didn't do any decluttering on Ash Wednesday because I went to Randy's mom's house for dinner, but I DID clean up Sonny's bathroom and that WAS one bag of trash.
On Day 2 of Lent I cleaned off the bathroom counter. Photos to come later. Three bags resulted from that - one trash bag and two smaller gift bags, one for each child.
I went back to work after all the snow on Friday, and then worked in home health Friday night. I worked Saturday morning and evening, and in between I went to Nashville and took back the rental car and finally got my car back, went to eat with Randy, his mom, his sister and her friend, and went to the karaoke pizza place. Today I worked in the morning, napped awhile in the afternoon, and have been lazy, watching TV and playing online since. So I guess I'm three days behind, because I really shouldn't count all three bags from Thursday.
Well... that's all I've got to say about that, so far. More later...
On Day 2 of Lent I cleaned off the bathroom counter. Photos to come later. Three bags resulted from that - one trash bag and two smaller gift bags, one for each child.
I went back to work after all the snow on Friday, and then worked in home health Friday night. I worked Saturday morning and evening, and in between I went to Nashville and took back the rental car and finally got my car back, went to eat with Randy, his mom, his sister and her friend, and went to the karaoke pizza place. Today I worked in the morning, napped awhile in the afternoon, and have been lazy, watching TV and playing online since. So I guess I'm three days behind, because I really shouldn't count all three bags from Thursday.
Well... that's all I've got to say about that, so far. More later...
Sunday, March 24, 2013
I'm not Lisa. My name is Julie.
My name is not Julie. Nor was the woman's singing this song - that would've been Jessi Colter, the undeniably hot wife (now widow) of Waylon Jennings. My really pretty stepsister looks a lot like a young Jessi, to me. Yes, I am a little jealous - Jessi was hot, but also extremely cool. Still is, really.
That link will take you to a YouTube video of her singing on "Hee Haw" and, of course, if you know me, you'll know I've written a bunch of stuff about that show.
I didn't start this post with the intention of writing about Jessi Colter. I wanted to write about someone named Julie, Julie London. She was another hot but extremely cool lady. Yes, I really AM heterosexual. I promise. But when you're a kid, you often admire the beautiful women in your life and in front of you on the TV. I haven't forgotten this!
With this sort of mindset, the other morning I was fighting the urge to go back to sleep. The night before, I'd been up late and I read the IMDb profile I linked above, and I thought, I really need to watch some "Emergency." So that morning when I was dragging, I thought, "What would Dixie McCall do?" Dixie, of course, was the name of Julie's character, the unflappable, consummate ER nurse who was, in my humble opinion, perfect for the job. She stood up for others, whether they be the patient or a co-worker, whenever necessary. She offered a listening ear or a hand to hold. She was efficient and professional, caring and yet direct. She was smart and always knew what to do. I still want to be Dixie when I grow up.
What would Dixie have done that early morning? Why, she'd have gotten up and made a pot of coffee and gotten down to business! I could've made a pot of coffee, but I've been drinking tea more lately. I had a jug in the kitchen, so I poured myself a big glass and got on with my day. I had an observation that day. I don't know yet how it went (my meeting is tomorrow) but I felt cool, calm, unflappable, and interesting. I created a meme and put it on my desktop both at home and work, and even printed a copy for my desk at work:
You may copy it... I don't remember where the picture came from either so I deserve no credit. It's good to have it. I sat down here awhile ago and I saw that picture and I thought... Dixie would sit here and do her lesson plans!
Of course I sat here and wrote this post instead... but I'll get to work on those lesson plans right away. I just had to share this with my "fans." (tee, hee... these probably never get read!)
That link will take you to a YouTube video of her singing on "Hee Haw" and, of course, if you know me, you'll know I've written a bunch of stuff about that show.
I didn't start this post with the intention of writing about Jessi Colter. I wanted to write about someone named Julie, Julie London. She was another hot but extremely cool lady. Yes, I really AM heterosexual. I promise. But when you're a kid, you often admire the beautiful women in your life and in front of you on the TV. I haven't forgotten this!
With this sort of mindset, the other morning I was fighting the urge to go back to sleep. The night before, I'd been up late and I read the IMDb profile I linked above, and I thought, I really need to watch some "Emergency." So that morning when I was dragging, I thought, "What would Dixie McCall do?" Dixie, of course, was the name of Julie's character, the unflappable, consummate ER nurse who was, in my humble opinion, perfect for the job. She stood up for others, whether they be the patient or a co-worker, whenever necessary. She offered a listening ear or a hand to hold. She was efficient and professional, caring and yet direct. She was smart and always knew what to do. I still want to be Dixie when I grow up.
What would Dixie have done that early morning? Why, she'd have gotten up and made a pot of coffee and gotten down to business! I could've made a pot of coffee, but I've been drinking tea more lately. I had a jug in the kitchen, so I poured myself a big glass and got on with my day. I had an observation that day. I don't know yet how it went (my meeting is tomorrow) but I felt cool, calm, unflappable, and interesting. I created a meme and put it on my desktop both at home and work, and even printed a copy for my desk at work:
Of course I sat here and wrote this post instead... but I'll get to work on those lesson plans right away. I just had to share this with my "fans." (tee, hee... these probably never get read!)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Someday, lady, you'll accomp'ny me
I could've sworn I used this post title before... but I couldn't find it. Doesn't matter. I have had this song in my mind the last few days, and then I got "Roll Me Away," because it, too, was in my head. I didn't really understand the feeling of wanting to just go back then, when those songs came out. Now I do. I wish I could've driven off and kept driving during my spring break. It's OK though. I did some different things last week after I got my medical stuff out of the way. I had a fairly normal ultrasound, a cavity filled, blood work that I still haven't heard about... and then I moved a bunch of furniture from Mom's house and moved some out of here. I rented a booth at an antique mall and a storage bin in Pleasant View. Life is pretty good, I think. I hope I feel the same way tomorrow after school.
Monday, March 11, 2013
'Cause we live in a time when meaning falls in splinters from our lives
Today has been a hard day.
It has been a month now, and I can't say it makes sense yet. I feel terrible, like somehow I let her down by not being able to keep her alive. She wanted to live, so badly. And yet I know that she wouldn't want to come back now. She suffered so much. I think she just got so tired.
I miss her. I wish I could have kept her with me for the rest of my life, but only if she was healthy and enjoying life, and not having to go through all that chemo and radiation. I thought about that occasionally, like what if we were out on a Sunday afternoon and had an accident and went together? But that's not the way it happened and for the family's sake, I know that's a good thing.
This experience has changed me and I'm not sure I like the way I have turned out, but I have learned a lot about myself in the past month.
I know that life is short. I have spent too much time playing cards and looking at silly blogs and tumblrs. I am going to use my spring break a little more wisely than I have in the past. I am going to declutter my house 15 minutes at a time. Yes, that's a FlyLady concept but please don't put me on the email list! I have to declutter my emails!!! :D
I know that life is short and we should do things we want to do and things we think will make a difference in the world, even if the difference seems small. I have searched my heart and my soul to figure out if I am headed in the right direction.
I have had to face some of my past, not that I have a lot of regrets, but I think we should learn from our past, and one mistake I have made over and over and over again is that I seem to never be happy. Is that why I can't get a nuclear medicine job in Nashville, because I have the reputation for never being content where I am? I know that's why I have such a dirty house, because I was never happy living here. I wanted to live in Ridgetop. Now, I don't have much reason to. Mom's gone, Grandaddy's gone, and Randy works 40 miles from there. This house is 17.5 miles from his work and 18.5 miles from mine... and I only work 10 months out of the year.
I like my car, though.
I may not always like teaching but I like my classroom. I could improve it, but I like it.
It's late and I have an appointment early. It may not ever make sense, but maybe I can be at peace with that.
It has been a month now, and I can't say it makes sense yet. I feel terrible, like somehow I let her down by not being able to keep her alive. She wanted to live, so badly. And yet I know that she wouldn't want to come back now. She suffered so much. I think she just got so tired.
I miss her. I wish I could have kept her with me for the rest of my life, but only if she was healthy and enjoying life, and not having to go through all that chemo and radiation. I thought about that occasionally, like what if we were out on a Sunday afternoon and had an accident and went together? But that's not the way it happened and for the family's sake, I know that's a good thing.
This experience has changed me and I'm not sure I like the way I have turned out, but I have learned a lot about myself in the past month.
I know that life is short. I have spent too much time playing cards and looking at silly blogs and tumblrs. I am going to use my spring break a little more wisely than I have in the past. I am going to declutter my house 15 minutes at a time. Yes, that's a FlyLady concept but please don't put me on the email list! I have to declutter my emails!!! :D
I know that life is short and we should do things we want to do and things we think will make a difference in the world, even if the difference seems small. I have searched my heart and my soul to figure out if I am headed in the right direction.
I have had to face some of my past, not that I have a lot of regrets, but I think we should learn from our past, and one mistake I have made over and over and over again is that I seem to never be happy. Is that why I can't get a nuclear medicine job in Nashville, because I have the reputation for never being content where I am? I know that's why I have such a dirty house, because I was never happy living here. I wanted to live in Ridgetop. Now, I don't have much reason to. Mom's gone, Grandaddy's gone, and Randy works 40 miles from there. This house is 17.5 miles from his work and 18.5 miles from mine... and I only work 10 months out of the year.
I like my car, though.
I may not always like teaching but I like my classroom. I could improve it, but I like it.
It's late and I have an appointment early. It may not ever make sense, but maybe I can be at peace with that.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
I will wait, I will wait for you...
I like this song. It's actually being performed on the Grammys right now. I am really out of touch most of the time but I like this song and these guys.
I have spent a lot of time waiting in the last few days. Waiting for Mom to take the next breath when she laid there on the bed breathing and then not breathing again for 15 or 20 seconds. She's been like this since Friday. I went home today because I needed to go home, I guess. I have cried and I have slept and I've eaten. My mind is shot... maybe my body is too, but it's probably better than my mind.
I suspect that my next journal entry will be describing the end of her journey. Maybe then I will be able to make sense of it all.
I have spent a lot of time waiting in the last few days. Waiting for Mom to take the next breath when she laid there on the bed breathing and then not breathing again for 15 or 20 seconds. She's been like this since Friday. I went home today because I needed to go home, I guess. I have cried and I have slept and I've eaten. My mind is shot... maybe my body is too, but it's probably better than my mind.
I suspect that my next journal entry will be describing the end of her journey. Maybe then I will be able to make sense of it all.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
And I don't know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all
It was the song from the 80s that I play sometimes and always think of someone who didn't turn out to be my soulmate, but who has been in my thoughts at least once a day, every day, ever since. Not in such a way that it ruins my life, more in a wow, that was a fun memory kind of way. Or yeah, Jeff used to do that, I wonder if he still does. Things like, the Seahawks were his team, or he had a Herschel Walker "You lied like a dawg" t-shirt, or that he would never admit it to his friends but he liked Air Supply.
He and most of his friends were brainy and somewhat immature, in an innocent and sweet way. They weren't out tearing up the neighborhood; they were renting movies, hanging out at houses with pool tables and Ataris, ordering pizza, playing football and/or basketball in the backyard, and collecting comic books. If they were 17 now, they'd be playing video games like my son. It was sort of like a high school version of "The Big Bang Theory." There were a few of us girls who had classes with this crowd. I saw a few of us there today. If girls who hang out with gay men are "f@g hags" (and I apologize for being offensive, I would never refer to a person that way myself, but I have friends who referred to themselves that way) what are girls who hang out with nerds called? They weren't really nerds, at least, I thought they all had good qualities. Brains and wit were far more entertaining than popularity and obsession with looking good.
So today I went to the funeral home to visit a childhood friend, a mutual friend of ours, a former classmate (a grade younger) and even a short-time boyfriend. His mom died on the 17th. I sat next to Jeff, another former classmate a grade younger, longtime friend, former neighbor, and sometimes boyfriend in the old days. I went out with him 3 weeks before I married Randy. Bill said Randy and I were people who needed that time of trial, that idea of, well, we've tried everything else, and this is what's right for us. I guess that was true. We've been together for a long time - and married for 23.5 years.
When you're happy in your relationship, and I am, and I'm pretty sure Randy is too, it's good to see your exes in happy relationships too. I like Jeff's wife. She is so sweet, and she tries to take care of Jeff's dad, and he needs that. I almost wish I could set him up with Mom because they could both use the company. But, he doesn't need to have to take care of anybody and she's not able to. And Bill seems to be happy too. His girlfriend is cute, and seems kind and sweet.
So yeah. I'm happy for them all. Really and truly.
He and most of his friends were brainy and somewhat immature, in an innocent and sweet way. They weren't out tearing up the neighborhood; they were renting movies, hanging out at houses with pool tables and Ataris, ordering pizza, playing football and/or basketball in the backyard, and collecting comic books. If they were 17 now, they'd be playing video games like my son. It was sort of like a high school version of "The Big Bang Theory." There were a few of us girls who had classes with this crowd. I saw a few of us there today. If girls who hang out with gay men are "f@g hags" (and I apologize for being offensive, I would never refer to a person that way myself, but I have friends who referred to themselves that way) what are girls who hang out with nerds called? They weren't really nerds, at least, I thought they all had good qualities. Brains and wit were far more entertaining than popularity and obsession with looking good.
So today I went to the funeral home to visit a childhood friend, a mutual friend of ours, a former classmate (a grade younger) and even a short-time boyfriend. His mom died on the 17th. I sat next to Jeff, another former classmate a grade younger, longtime friend, former neighbor, and sometimes boyfriend in the old days. I went out with him 3 weeks before I married Randy. Bill said Randy and I were people who needed that time of trial, that idea of, well, we've tried everything else, and this is what's right for us. I guess that was true. We've been together for a long time - and married for 23.5 years.
When you're happy in your relationship, and I am, and I'm pretty sure Randy is too, it's good to see your exes in happy relationships too. I like Jeff's wife. She is so sweet, and she tries to take care of Jeff's dad, and he needs that. I almost wish I could set him up with Mom because they could both use the company. But, he doesn't need to have to take care of anybody and she's not able to. And Bill seems to be happy too. His girlfriend is cute, and seems kind and sweet.
So yeah. I'm happy for them all. Really and truly.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Some people call me the Space Cowboy...
I couldn't decide on a song title for today's post. Yesterday was Christmas, and Mom is doing better so I didn't need anything else for Christmas. Randy was really disappointed that we had to spend our Christmas money on Rachel's car. He never would tell me what he wanted to get me... or what he secretly wanted to spend that money on... but I wasn't disappointed at all.
Well, I don't like to post about job stuff, not anymore, but I am going to admit that I'd been interested in a nuc med job. I miss working in nuc med and not just because teaching is a stressful job. (Nucs could be stressful too.) Today I talked to a former co-worker who is the imaging director at her current workplace. She was not very encouraging (it's a long story but she was very nice), though she did say she'd consider me for summer PRN work. I have 2 possibilities for that, which is better than where I've been in the past.
So, I guess I'm staying in the classroom. Last semester ended on a sad note. I can't go into all the details but all of you know about what happened in Connecticut at the end of the semester. That happened right after I had a not-so-hot observation and right before I got a threatening email. I felt like there was a huge shadow hanging over the idea of having two weeks off. On the other hand, I was looking forward to having two weeks - or at least one - to plan ahead. I've done a little of that today and I'm glad. I'm not ready, but I'm feeling a lot better about it.
Well, I don't like to post about job stuff, not anymore, but I am going to admit that I'd been interested in a nuc med job. I miss working in nuc med and not just because teaching is a stressful job. (Nucs could be stressful too.) Today I talked to a former co-worker who is the imaging director at her current workplace. She was not very encouraging (it's a long story but she was very nice), though she did say she'd consider me for summer PRN work. I have 2 possibilities for that, which is better than where I've been in the past.
So, I guess I'm staying in the classroom. Last semester ended on a sad note. I can't go into all the details but all of you know about what happened in Connecticut at the end of the semester. That happened right after I had a not-so-hot observation and right before I got a threatening email. I felt like there was a huge shadow hanging over the idea of having two weeks off. On the other hand, I was looking forward to having two weeks - or at least one - to plan ahead. I've done a little of that today and I'm glad. I'm not ready, but I'm feeling a lot better about it.
Saturday, December 01, 2012
Come fly away, let's fly, let's fly away...
Are you familiar with the FlyLady? I have been a fledgling off-and-on for awhile. I don't usually like adhering to a "system" unless it's something I've designed myself (for example, I go through my list every morning - I made it up one summer when I was having a hard time getting up at a "decent" hour and getting ready to go anywhere - for some reason I have no problem remembering "Tea, hair, meds, dress, teeth, eat, phone."). So, I've struggled with sticking to the FlyLady system too.
A lot of people who know me probably think I am fairly organized. Most of them might be surprised if they came to my house and saw it in the pigsty condition in which it usually stays. Many things have contributed to this. It started when I was working part-time at NorthCrest and I felt guilty because I didn't have my house clean all the time. Well, I guess really it started before that. I was "born organized" as FlyBabies say, but when I started dating Randy I discovered that one could survive while flying by the seat of the pants (Not to be confused with "FLYing.") not just where cleaning is concerned but in many other ways as well. A few years later I wanted to fill my house with more little ones - so I ended up with 3 cats and a dog - and my house got messier and messier. Then my health started interfering, where I couldn't stand up for long periods of time. And somewhere in there my work schedule started interfering too. Not only was I working at home just to keep up, I was taking online classes... and of course I had to rebel and do nothing to "relax."
So the house is a wreck.
I REALLY want to clean it up and post pictures of before and after. I am not sure I want people to know how bad it is, but maybe once I get it under control I'll be okay with it. One challenge I have is that it's kind of like catching up on your laundry or your dishes or for us teachers, catching up all the grading... just because you get it completely clean (or caught up) doesn't mean you never have to clean it again. It's a constant job; it never really ends. The FlyLady system has a lot of built-in routines to address this issue. I am going to try it again. Now if this works I will have to write another blog entry about self-discipline and the Word of God... but more on that later.
A lot of people who know me probably think I am fairly organized. Most of them might be surprised if they came to my house and saw it in the pigsty condition in which it usually stays. Many things have contributed to this. It started when I was working part-time at NorthCrest and I felt guilty because I didn't have my house clean all the time. Well, I guess really it started before that. I was "born organized" as FlyBabies say, but when I started dating Randy I discovered that one could survive while flying by the seat of the pants (Not to be confused with "FLYing.") not just where cleaning is concerned but in many other ways as well. A few years later I wanted to fill my house with more little ones - so I ended up with 3 cats and a dog - and my house got messier and messier. Then my health started interfering, where I couldn't stand up for long periods of time. And somewhere in there my work schedule started interfering too. Not only was I working at home just to keep up, I was taking online classes... and of course I had to rebel and do nothing to "relax."
So the house is a wreck.
I REALLY want to clean it up and post pictures of before and after. I am not sure I want people to know how bad it is, but maybe once I get it under control I'll be okay with it. One challenge I have is that it's kind of like catching up on your laundry or your dishes or for us teachers, catching up all the grading... just because you get it completely clean (or caught up) doesn't mean you never have to clean it again. It's a constant job; it never really ends. The FlyLady system has a lot of built-in routines to address this issue. I am going to try it again. Now if this works I will have to write another blog entry about self-discipline and the Word of God... but more on that later.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Come on sugar, let me know!
Not really... the other day I thought, "Do ya think I'm sexy" would be a cool title for a blog entry... but next thing you know I'd be getting responses of naked people. So I just put those words in the blog itself, and I'll take my chances.
Actually I have nothing sexy at all to tell in this post.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for many things in my life. The $54 it cost to get Derek's car fixed - really thankful for that! Praise God and thanks to Auto Service of Pleasant View.
Going to my brother's house for the big day tomorrow and may go to Dad's for awhile too.
A few weeks ago I got the urge - the quite sudden urge - to start working with pottery. It was like I suddenly wanted to work with a pottery wheel. I did some molding with clay, and I enjoyed that to some extent, but there aren't many real pottery classes around here. So one day I thought I'd go to Hobby Lobby and see what kind of craft supplies they had and suddenly, I didn't want to do that anymore. I decided to get back into crocheting. I'm glad I did. I am enjoying it even though all I've done so far is make a "bootie" for myself. My feet get cold easily and then they hurt, but they hurt really bad if I wear socks! So I'm making "booties" to wear around the house. I may even line them with memory foam because they would then be a little more supportive for my arches and then the yarn wouldn't hurt my feet either. (I have plenty of room in this first one I made.)
Actually I have nothing sexy at all to tell in this post.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for many things in my life. The $54 it cost to get Derek's car fixed - really thankful for that! Praise God and thanks to Auto Service of Pleasant View.
Going to my brother's house for the big day tomorrow and may go to Dad's for awhile too.
A few weeks ago I got the urge - the quite sudden urge - to start working with pottery. It was like I suddenly wanted to work with a pottery wheel. I did some molding with clay, and I enjoyed that to some extent, but there aren't many real pottery classes around here. So one day I thought I'd go to Hobby Lobby and see what kind of craft supplies they had and suddenly, I didn't want to do that anymore. I decided to get back into crocheting. I'm glad I did. I am enjoying it even though all I've done so far is make a "bootie" for myself. My feet get cold easily and then they hurt, but they hurt really bad if I wear socks! So I'm making "booties" to wear around the house. I may even line them with memory foam because they would then be a little more supportive for my arches and then the yarn wouldn't hurt my feet either. (I have plenty of room in this first one I made.)
Friday, November 16, 2012
I tell it like it used to be.
Yesterday I had this song on my mind. I guess you could take it different ways. I am not living in the past like the writer of the song. It was more like telling it like it will be.
Sometimes I have to fight the negative thoughts in my head. Don't we all, sometimes? Like, I sometimes find myself thinking, "I'm depressed" for no apparent reason. Oh, I have as many reasons as most people to be depressed: a stressful job, more month than money, car troubles once or twice a month, a sick relative (or two or three) at least that often... I could go on, but I won't because I don't want to get depressed. I have just as many, if not more, reasons NOT to be depressed: a wonderful husband, amazing children, a good family, a warm house and a steady job, a great church family and good friends, and I could go on and on.
So yesterday when "I'm depressed" entered my head, I thought, "No, I used to be."
And I thought, I could apply that to so many other negatives in life, not just mine but others' lives as well.
I'm lazy. No, I used to be. Now I'm not.
I'm selfish. No, I used to be. Now I'm giving and caring.
Maybe it's crazy to carry on both sides of a conversation in your mind, but then again, maybe it used to be. Maybe now I'm rational.
Sometimes I have to fight the negative thoughts in my head. Don't we all, sometimes? Like, I sometimes find myself thinking, "I'm depressed" for no apparent reason. Oh, I have as many reasons as most people to be depressed: a stressful job, more month than money, car troubles once or twice a month, a sick relative (or two or three) at least that often... I could go on, but I won't because I don't want to get depressed. I have just as many, if not more, reasons NOT to be depressed: a wonderful husband, amazing children, a good family, a warm house and a steady job, a great church family and good friends, and I could go on and on.
So yesterday when "I'm depressed" entered my head, I thought, "No, I used to be."
And I thought, I could apply that to so many other negatives in life, not just mine but others' lives as well.
I'm lazy. No, I used to be. Now I'm not.
I'm selfish. No, I used to be. Now I'm giving and caring.
Maybe it's crazy to carry on both sides of a conversation in your mind, but then again, maybe it used to be. Maybe now I'm rational.
Friday, August 03, 2012
you might think I'm delirious...
Oh, it was back in the day. Way, way back in the day... a lot of water's gone under the bridge since then - the Prince Green bridge, or its predecessor, which I hit in my big old land barge Catalina - and I am reliving it tonight on Facebook. I heard this song the other day and I would've posted on Tim Horn's wall how this reminded me of going to Ridgecrest, but I had posted a link to "PYT" on Tim's wall the day before and God knows I don't need anybody thinking I'm fooling around with somebody because I posted songs from 1984 on their Facebook wall.
I normally don't like to think about 1984 much, and especially not this time of the year and now, my baby is starting HIS senior year and I know exactly how many years it's been (do the math! there's a teacher answer for you). But for some reason, this year has mellowed my memory of 1984 and I can deal with the ugly memories... most of them anyway. The ones I don't like to remember are the ugly ones caused by me. The other not-so-pretty memories, well, they are what they are and at least I still have them.
Summer's about over for me. We had open house at school tonight. Down here in the extremely hot South we send our kids back to school in the heat of August so we can spend a ton of money on air conditioning (and believe you me, we need our air conditioning in our schools without windows). It gets earlier and earlier too, although I will say that the August 7 start date is a few days later than the August 4 start date we had my first year in our neighboring county to the east-northeast. Usually, we get out in mid- to late- May and that makes coming in from bus duty soaked with sweat a little more worthwhile.
Every year I say I'm going to be a little tougher than I was the year before, and every year I end up being a pushover. I don't want to be meaner than I ought to be, but I don't want to be a pushover, either. I'm praying and honestly, at the moment, I feel like I'll be all right. I know I can make it. I know I can handle it.
I do know that one thing I need to do, in order to make it, is to go to bed and get some well-deserved rest.
I normally don't like to think about 1984 much, and especially not this time of the year and now, my baby is starting HIS senior year and I know exactly how many years it's been (do the math! there's a teacher answer for you). But for some reason, this year has mellowed my memory of 1984 and I can deal with the ugly memories... most of them anyway. The ones I don't like to remember are the ugly ones caused by me. The other not-so-pretty memories, well, they are what they are and at least I still have them.
Summer's about over for me. We had open house at school tonight. Down here in the extremely hot South we send our kids back to school in the heat of August so we can spend a ton of money on air conditioning (and believe you me, we need our air conditioning in our schools without windows). It gets earlier and earlier too, although I will say that the August 7 start date is a few days later than the August 4 start date we had my first year in our neighboring county to the east-northeast. Usually, we get out in mid- to late- May and that makes coming in from bus duty soaked with sweat a little more worthwhile.
Every year I say I'm going to be a little tougher than I was the year before, and every year I end up being a pushover. I don't want to be meaner than I ought to be, but I don't want to be a pushover, either. I'm praying and honestly, at the moment, I feel like I'll be all right. I know I can make it. I know I can handle it.
I do know that one thing I need to do, in order to make it, is to go to bed and get some well-deserved rest.
Monday, May 28, 2012
SI... oh, who cares. When you close your eyes, do you dream about me?
Do you remember this song? I do. Does it have any significant meaning for today's post? Well, it has a significant meaning for today. I woke up early this morning, dreaming about someone from my past. And in my dream I must have been watching something that would have happened 25 plus years ago and I said, "It's all right. One day he is going to realize what he's missed out on and it's going to be too late."
And he did.
And it was.
And now I have these dreams from time to time and sometimes they worry me because back in the day I would dream about him two nights in a row and find out that something had happened, like his grandmother died, and there was something else, but I don't remember what. Maybe when his aunt died, I don't know. I didn't have a premonition about his mother, I can tell you that. Well, I did in a way... a few months before she died I dreamed about him and wondered. Nothing specific though.
I am still working on improvements (cleaning, specifically) and starting tomorrow (it's a holiday weekend) I'll go back to working on something for school every day, or every weekday at least. I'm trying to do healthy things for myself too and I'm learning about herbs again. I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I have toyed with the idea for a long time, but yesterday I was talking with my mom about... of all things, medical marijuana. Now, we didn't get into the whole, "This could be good for you," thing. Nothing that deep, of course; it was more speculation on whether someone we know from a state where medicinal use is legal has a prescription. She says no but this person is using it illegally. I said maybe he or she is, maybe he or she is not, but if this person is using it, he/she very likely has an rx. Mom didn't think this person had the financial resources to get a prescription. It was at that point I stopped arguing with her because... well, there comes a point in family arguments/discussions where tensions and voices are raised and motives are questioned (and you really do not want to know what motives have been questioned in the past). We had not come to that point yet and I didn't think it was worth going there. And somehow my thought process came around to what would I do if I couldn't teach anymore... I guess because the subject of our discussion is unemployed. I thought, nuc med jobs are scarce everywhere, and if for some reason I couldn't teach, I'd want to move somewhere like Arizona and become a midwife or an herbalist or something like that. I think another thought on my mind was what someone like Mom would do. I don't know what she is going to do now. I don't know how long she can keep her disability, her insurance, and all of that. And how many people are out there who don't have insurance? Who don't have treatments for diseases like cancer? There's a lot to think about.
So is that what I need to do? I don't think so. I think teaching is the thing for me right now. Someday it may not be, and when that happens, at least I know there are options out there.
And he did.
And it was.
And now I have these dreams from time to time and sometimes they worry me because back in the day I would dream about him two nights in a row and find out that something had happened, like his grandmother died, and there was something else, but I don't remember what. Maybe when his aunt died, I don't know. I didn't have a premonition about his mother, I can tell you that. Well, I did in a way... a few months before she died I dreamed about him and wondered. Nothing specific though.
I am still working on improvements (cleaning, specifically) and starting tomorrow (it's a holiday weekend) I'll go back to working on something for school every day, or every weekday at least. I'm trying to do healthy things for myself too and I'm learning about herbs again. I've been thinking about this for awhile, and I have toyed with the idea for a long time, but yesterday I was talking with my mom about... of all things, medical marijuana. Now, we didn't get into the whole, "This could be good for you," thing. Nothing that deep, of course; it was more speculation on whether someone we know from a state where medicinal use is legal has a prescription. She says no but this person is using it illegally. I said maybe he or she is, maybe he or she is not, but if this person is using it, he/she very likely has an rx. Mom didn't think this person had the financial resources to get a prescription. It was at that point I stopped arguing with her because... well, there comes a point in family arguments/discussions where tensions and voices are raised and motives are questioned (and you really do not want to know what motives have been questioned in the past). We had not come to that point yet and I didn't think it was worth going there. And somehow my thought process came around to what would I do if I couldn't teach anymore... I guess because the subject of our discussion is unemployed. I thought, nuc med jobs are scarce everywhere, and if for some reason I couldn't teach, I'd want to move somewhere like Arizona and become a midwife or an herbalist or something like that. I think another thought on my mind was what someone like Mom would do. I don't know what she is going to do now. I don't know how long she can keep her disability, her insurance, and all of that. And how many people are out there who don't have insurance? Who don't have treatments for diseases like cancer? There's a lot to think about.
So is that what I need to do? I don't think so. I think teaching is the thing for me right now. Someday it may not be, and when that happens, at least I know there are options out there.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
SI wk 0 day 6: School's out for summer
Not quite forever just yet...
I really enjoyed my day today. I wasn't at school all that long and I came home and piddled around here after that. I decided that every day I'm going to try to do several things.
One, I'm going to do something each day to improve my health. Today... well, I ate broccoli and cheese for supper, along with baked beans. Not the healthiest meal but not the worst either. I didn't exercise today because my feet have hurt just about all day. I relaxed. Isn't that good?
Two, I'm going to do something fun every day, or some kind of treat to myself. Now you have to realize that I can have fun with a lot of different things! I did several fun things today. I watched "The Women of SNL" which was pretty funny. I've relaxed on the hammock several times (isn't that healthy too?). I worked on my Jux account, because I'm thinking about trying to sell some medical photography. Maybe...
Three, I'm doing something school-related each day because I have lots of good ideas and I'd like to get ahead of the game. I had to set a limit on that - no more than four hours a day. There will be days when I have to do more than four hours a day, because of professional development and such. I'm excited though. Today was a half-day so there was my four hours.
Four, I'm going to do something spiritual every day. That's sort of broad... a lot of things fit in here. Doing something for somebody would fit, as would singing in a nursing home. Could I count meditating in the hammock here?
Finally, I'm going to do something for the home each day. I washed dishes and a load of clothes. I folded a load of clothes, and I dusted the dresser in the master bedroom. I had to deal with Sonny's urine... don't want to talk about that. I haven't done a lot of housework but I've done something today and will improve tomorrow.
I really enjoyed my day today. I wasn't at school all that long and I came home and piddled around here after that. I decided that every day I'm going to try to do several things.
One, I'm going to do something each day to improve my health. Today... well, I ate broccoli and cheese for supper, along with baked beans. Not the healthiest meal but not the worst either. I didn't exercise today because my feet have hurt just about all day. I relaxed. Isn't that good?
Two, I'm going to do something fun every day, or some kind of treat to myself. Now you have to realize that I can have fun with a lot of different things! I did several fun things today. I watched "The Women of SNL" which was pretty funny. I've relaxed on the hammock several times (isn't that healthy too?). I worked on my Jux account, because I'm thinking about trying to sell some medical photography. Maybe...
Three, I'm doing something school-related each day because I have lots of good ideas and I'd like to get ahead of the game. I had to set a limit on that - no more than four hours a day. There will be days when I have to do more than four hours a day, because of professional development and such. I'm excited though. Today was a half-day so there was my four hours.
Four, I'm going to do something spiritual every day. That's sort of broad... a lot of things fit in here. Doing something for somebody would fit, as would singing in a nursing home. Could I count meditating in the hammock here?
Finally, I'm going to do something for the home each day. I washed dishes and a load of clothes. I folded a load of clothes, and I dusted the dresser in the master bedroom. I had to deal with Sonny's urine... don't want to talk about that. I haven't done a lot of housework but I've done something today and will improve tomorrow.
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