Go on and roll the dice, you only live twice, do it or die.

A couple years ago, I subscribed to Newspapers.com, which is really entertaining and wonderful for a trivia and history buff such as myself.  Maybe we aren't supposed to remember all the people who died in the past, but there were lots of characters who have gotten lost in all the information out there these days. I wrote about some of them back in March and there are many others I could write about.

So, starting today (this is post 1 of 2 today), my blog is getting a new life.  It's slow time at work now, the time of year when I have to look for work to get enough to pay the bills.  Off the clock, my life is changing slowly, but changing none the less, and it may result in my having more time to devote to my already-existing side jobs of CPR instruction and writing non-fiction with a few fictional stories here and there.

Our 26-year-old daughter is moving home at some point in the next few months, and as I'm cleaning out our son's old bedroom to let her bring in her stuff, I'm moving things around and getting rid of things that mean nothing to me.  There's plenty of that. I'm a packrat, not really to hoarder status because I have paths through all the rooms (LOL) but... just getting rid of things that I'm not attached to is working pretty well for now.  A new storage unit business has been opened just down the road from us, and after the "bug man" comes, I'm going to rent one for her extra stuff and my CPR business storage.  Since it's right down the road, it'll be easy to grab things as I go, kind of like I do from my garage now.  But when the garage gets cleaned out... that'll give us more room too.

When we moved in here, we never dreamed we'd still be here 25 years later.  Heck, we only had one baby and she was a toddler! We didn't even know there'd be a boy joining us in about 18 months!  Things have changed a lot, mostly in the amount of crap we've managed to cram into this place. It became too small the day I moved the crib into the "storage room" so that boy would have a room of his own.  I was never a great housekeeper, but when we got a dog who destroyed carpet and furniture, I was overwhelmed. I got depressed.  Then we got computers that opened us up to all kinds of information and entertainment, so I became an even worse housekeeper.  The kids weren't much help. We got more animals, then gradually they died out.  By this time I wasn't working 40 hours a week or driving and working, I was teaching and driving so I never had any free time whatsoever to work on the house. When I went back to nucs and the kids were in college or on their own, I was physically just barely able to work and function, and I was scared of mice coming out of cabinets and closets that needed cleaning. I got two more cats, but physically I'm still not doing that great.  I'm gradually getting better by making some changes that I won't go into here, but I'm looking forward to having more energy and if I can get the house cleaned up a little more (and I am getting there), writing will be easier because I won't feel like I should be doing something else instead!

One of these nights...

One of these nights I'm gonna write something absolutely amazing and powerful and I'm really looking forward to it.

So far, I haven't figured out what that is, exactly... but I'm okay with that.  I'll keep on writing until I do.

I'd love to write more, and really, I DO write more than I post on this blog because I prefer not to just throw everything I think onto a blog like a diary for everyone in the universe to read.  I work a lot, and I love what I do 99.44% of the time but I would love to have more time to write.  I spend too much time trying to make money. Well, I might as well while I'm able and my kids aren't little anymore so that I can retire before I die.  I tell people I write every chance I get but it's really not true.  If it were true, I'd have a lot more material to read.  I have many, many stories in my head that I really should put into writing, because I know I'm not going to live forever (at least not in this realm, and I'm not sure how much of my brain will make it through the life I'm living now) and I don't want the stories and characters to die with me. After I'm gone my kids can pass this stuff on to other people, or just give them away, but hopefully, I'll get some of them out into the world and let the universe decide whether they're worth keeping.

There were also people who once walked this earth and not just through my brain whose stories shouldn't be forgotten either.  Those who passed after about 2005 will have more information about them on the Internet for future generations than those who passed before that, and there are stories in the old newspapers and databases for those who wish to look for those folks.  Still there are people who lived quiet and simple lives, whose stories weren't compelling Nicholas Sparks novel fodder (or even Lifetime movie fodder), who've left serious marks on the manuscript of my own life.  My grandmother was one... one of her father's seventeen children as well as one of her mother's eleven.  Her oldest sister Lorene was evidently unable to bear children of her own, but I never, ever heard her complain about that, or talk about it at all.  I never asked her why she didn't have children, maybe because I was afraid to bring it up.  Her husband had lost two children in the Christmas Eve crash that claimed his first wife and left him with only his son. Maybe she figured it might've been better to have had no children at all.  His son gave her four step-grandchildren that she dearly loved in her own quiet way.  She wasn't the kind of grandmother who took the kids to Opryland (actually they didn't have that on either side, but all their grandparents cared for them very much) but she baked them goodies and visited them and kept an eye on them and probably went to graduations and things like that, I don't remember.  She also kept a lot of other relatives, like me. 

She, like Granny, had a portrait of a handsome young man I never had the privilege to know, my uncle Olie.  His death at age 18 was one of those events you see in movies, where a local teenager gets really sick (or has an accident or gets shot or... you get the picture) and dies young and the whole town shuts down for the funeral.  But before I knew all that about the town's reaction, I knew that my grandmother and all her family lost a dear brother, son, grandson, and uncle.  I guess because he didn't live long enough to have children and grandchildren of his own, I felt sort of obligated to keep his memory alive.  I think others in my family might've felt that way too.  For example, my uncle Lanny put a new headstone on Olie's grave.  Lanny was just a little fella when Olie died; I think he was about 3.

These are just a few of the stories I'd like to share, as well as some of the fictional characters I've created over the years.  Some of my characters are loosely based on real people and real events, but in general most are purely made up.  Here's an example of that:  I used to wonder what it would've been like if Lorene and her first husband had adopted a child, or had a baby late in life. Everette was only in his early 40s when he died, so he would've died very early in this baby's life.  I came up with a lot of good stories and characters from that "what if" story. Many of my stories are "what ifs" or at least they start out that way.  I do a lot of research into the past to find details and ideas.  Like looking at Olie's death certificate and obituary. 

I need to be looking at the inside of my eyelids.  Gotta go make that money while it's there.

It's Only Make-Believe

So I'm watching CNN and I think, what if there was a parody character called "Kellyanne Conway Twitty"??? And of course, I am not the first to think of this... I'm not sure who was, but Seth MacFarlane, for one, beat me to the punch.



Ah, Seth MacFarlane... I have mixed feelings about him... he is drop-dead gorgeous and insanely talented, but his sense of humor is no smarter than a fifth-grader.  A precocious fifth-grader, but... anyway, great minds think alike, eh??? ;D

Seth either loves or loves to rag on ol' Conway.  Like all Southern white kids in the 70s, I was exposed to regular doses of Conway Twitty.  We watched all those GREAT country music TV shows every Saturday afternoon (as my Granny used to say about watching Andy Griffith) BECAUSE WE HAD TO.  Now, I really love to wax nostalgic about the old country shows and seriously, they played a YUGE part in making me the music lover I am today.  The TV alternatives were limited.  Today's youngsters can not begin to imagine three or four channels. Even the "big three" have local networks!

I don't remember just three channels. I don't remember a time before PBS. I'm not sure when public TV came to Nashville, but I do remember seeing "Sesame Street" mentioned on another show, before I had discovered the Muppets.  That was the first time I ever saw that my mom tried to hide things from me.  She did not want me to start watching "Sesame Street" because she foresaw exactly what happened. She knew I'd get hooked. She didn't want to have to watch silly puppets!

If she were here, I would ask her if she really thought Gilligan was any better.

But back to Conway Twitty.  I DID discover him when I was young, like age four, but that's when he looked like this (from "Hee Haw," by the way, and also used by Seth MacFarlane on "Family Guy"):



If I'd discovered him when he looked like he did in this next clip, I probably would have thought he was hot, like my aunt Peggy and a lot of other women who were young in the 1960s and 70s did. OMG. When Conway died on June 5, 1993, Peggy and one of her friends stayed up late, drinking adult beverages, crying and listening to his music, probably on vinyl... possibly on cassette... maybe, but probably not, on 8-track... and maybe on a CD... not everyone had a player then but they were gaining popularity.  I understood that SHE liked him and I could understand, kind of, because I figured she was about 50 and he was probably about 50 and he sang all those sexy songs and had kind of a cool voice, but I didn't think he was HOT.  But in this clip below, he was kind of cute, and that song is freakin' amazing:



Here is another phenomenal clip of the same song... I did not know this show existed.  As performances go, it's not the best Conway ever did (although it might explain why he didn't dance much once color TV footage began), but it's a piece of broadcasting history for Dick Clark's intro alone. Conway looked very uncomfortable and staged, and had to be lip-synching (I just don't think there was any other way back then) but wow! What a lucky break for an Arkansas boy to share a TV audience with Fabian!



It's only make-believe... just like he's making believe he is singing...  I have a real-life, not make-believe, Conway Twitty story.  When I was 12, I ran into him - I mean, I literally ran.into.him - in a bowling alley in Hendersonville, TN.  He was polite, maybe a little annoyed, but polite.  Later I saw him playing in the 11th Frame Lounge, adjoining the bowling alley, just through the door.  I didn't go in.  That would've been a riot. I was there with my church youth group.  He didn't look it in black-and-white, but he was in his mid-20s by the time he made it to Dick Clark's Beech-Nut Show.  That makes me feel better.  I think it's kind of creepy for an old woman to think such a young man would be attractive!  But my daughter will be 25 this summer - NEXT MONTH! - so I guess that's why Conway looks like a kid in those video clips.

I have always had a great sense of imagination. I'm glad that it has grown up along with me, but I am really sorry that I haven't written everything I've dreamt up over the years.  I created characters based on people I knew but mostly based on "what if" scenarios I dreamed up about them.  I have a lot of these stories but now, I don't have nearly enough time to write about them. I'm trying, though. I'm busy in my "real job" but I have a lot more time than I let myself believe.  I like writing non-fiction as well as fiction.. or maybe I should say, real life as much as make-believe.  I'm blessed to have great memories and imagination for both.

I can see clearly now

And so will you after you read this!

(Note: I actually wrote this on Friday, 4/14... not today, Easter Sunday! He is risen!!!)

I wanted to clarify something from my last post. I am beyond happy with the rockstar. I don't want to go back in time and change anything. 

Everybody has regrets. Lots of people say "no regrets," but we all know they're trying to convince themselves. When I look back on life, it's easy to see that sometimes I settled for less than I should have, not just in romance but in other ways too.  I regret letting people treat me badly, including Donnie and, at times, the rockstar (though I also regret some things I said and did to him, but you know, another story for another day). I'm no diva expecting the royal treatment, but I'm not a doormat and I've let a lot of people walk on me in the last 49.95 years. 

I'm thankful for the Donnie experience. It that taught me what not to do with a good relationship. I'm thankful I didn't throw myself at Robert. What if he had liked brunettes better? Or tall girls? Or men? He might've broken my heart too. More importantly, he might've kept me from marrying the rockstar, which was obviously meant to be. 

Clearly, it wasn't meant to be with Robert.

I'm glad I saw the picture back in 2015 because:

1) When Donnie contacted me that fall to tell me how he regretted being immature in 1985, I was going through a very rough patch in my marriage. That's over now, thank God, but if I hadn't had the reminder of my regret at not breaking up with Donnie earlier, I might've been easily swayed.  THEN, you wanna talk about some regrets... I'm sure I'd have a book full.

2) I had a great story to add to a sermon about not writing because of my unresolved feelings about John-Boy. Robert kind of looked like Richard Thomas back in the day.

3) I learned about what an inspiring woman Robert's mother was, and I got to meet the family!

It's all right now, Heaven should be proud

Nervous.

Just like when I was 18.

And it took about 45 minutes to get up the nerve to go up and talk to them. But I did, and now I’ll tell you about it.

Some stories develop a life all their own. Maybe it's a writer thing or an OCD thing, but some events in life turn into more than you expected. Sometimes one plus one equals more than two. Like when I sat watching CMT while Derek was in surgery, and saw a one-time promo video with Buck Owens and his “right-hand man,” and my mission became learning about this Don Rich guy, and… here I am 22 years later, still writing about Hee Haw.

So it is with today's blog entry.

While subbing at a high school in August 2015, I saw class composite pictures dating back to the 1960s. I recognized two brothers, Robert and Michael (not their real names) in the class of 1982 from their jobs in the college bookstore.  Robert frequented the Placement Office, my work-study job. I submitted his resume’ for every potentially fitting job, because even at age 18, I recognized that he was a good worker. I also thought he was gorgeous.

My first year of college, my boyfriend Donnie lived 35 miles away.  (Again, all names have been changed to protect the innocent… and the guilty.) Our romance the summer after graduation was fun and intense.  After college began and football season ended, things got weird.  This guy who’d proposed in my driveway and wanted me home every weekend suddenly stopped inviting me to family dinners. Donnie’s perfect date was semi-pro wrestling. That was fun at first, but got old quick. I wanted him to visit me, like other girls’ boyfriends.  My roommate left every weekend, so we would've had the dorm all to ourselves, but he didn't want to “make that drive.” He preferred my grandparents' house while they wintered in Florida, or his neighbor's shack, where we could hang out on their waterbed.

I was miserable, but I felt committed to Donnie.  In high school, I embarrassed myself by throwing myself at boys I liked. At least with Donnie, I didn’t have to be rejected by anyone else. I thought I should be satisfied. In general, he wasn’t a bad person. He went to church (but never mine, only his mama's), and didn’t drink or do drugs, but, as he even admitted to me years later, he was immature. Honestly, I wasn't much better.  I said all that to say that if I ever thought about taking a chance with Robert (and I did, quite often), I didn't act on it because I felt obligated to Donnie. 

Eventually, he got tired of pretending he wanted to be married, and decided we should take a break. I don’t think I ever cried. I was tired of playing the game too. It was a little too late for me to get to know Robert, as he was about to graduate.  My life got exponentially better though, and fast.  Within a year, I was dating "the rock star." Donnie wanted me back later, but I was done.

But enough about my history.

That day I subbed and saw the composite pic, I wondered what had happened to Robert, and to a lesser extent, Michael. Did they live close by? Did they have children at the school? So when I got home, I did what everybody does in 2017, or at the time, 2015, I Googled them. I saw Robert still had the job I almost kept him from getting.  But more on that later. Neither one married.

I found their names in the obit for their father, who left several siblings, his wife, Edith, 10 sons, and four daughters. That’s right, 14 kids.  I looked for an obituary for Edith. There wasn’t one, but I found the 1975 Tennessean article spotlighting this amazing family who built a beautiful home on a farm and made it work. My imagination whirled: what a life story! I wanted to interview this woman who grew up in Indiana during the Depression, became a “WAC” when it wasn’t all that common for a woman to do so, married someone she met at the end of the war, moved to his home state and contributed to the baby boom - in a big way. But these days, if someone walked up to my door and wanted to talk about my life story and maybe publish an article about me, I'd probably leave them on the porch, so I never approached any of them. 

The 1975 article grazed over the deaths of two additional children; being a morbidly curious nut, I learned that the first, a girl, died shortly after birth, and the third, a boy, at around age 6. Another died in his 40s, leaving nine sons and four daughters to survive Edith, who died this past Sunday of pneumonia.  I have a morbid habit of looking at funeral home websites and newspaper obituaries. I don’t do it every day, but several times a week.  I’ve said before that good Southerners look at the obituaries to find out who they need to visit and bring a casserole.

Today I got to meet several of them.  I sat in the back of the chapel for a long time, observing. Nervous, like I was still 18.  Finally, I got up and walked to the front, where I told Robert my story about wanting to meet his mother. I conveniently left out the part about often wishing I had taken a chance and flirted with him back in the day.  That, too, is a story for another time. I believe I've shared enough of it today.

I also shared my story with Michael, two sisters, and another brother. I told them all my regrets at not getting to meet her. I don’t think I sounded too creepy. If you’re honest, and sincerely show interest in people, they realize you aren't out to hurt them.  I try to be charming too. Hahaha… I realize not everyone has honest motives, and some people use their charm with very impure motives, but that’s not me.  I met two more brothers before I left.  Sweet folks. I may tell more of this woman's story in another blog entry. She lived a long, full life. She was a veteran. She was a super mom – didn’t have a job outside the home but successfully raising all those children and running a farm with her husband - she was an inspiration to me, and I didn't even know her.

I don’t know if this is a nationwide thing, but in the South, funeral homes hand out little folded papers with a picture of the deceased, dates and places of birth and death, surviving family members, etc.  Inside Edith’s, Proverbs 31:10-31 was printed.  I believe it described her well.  You should look it up, but here are a few verses:

^10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school, it's a wonder I can think at all.

Watching Soundbreaking, one of my favorite PBS shows... tonight it's about the early days of music video... when I was in high school. It was a great time to be alive!!! :D  I was into videos for sure. My dad hated MTV and called it "Hell Music." Did that stop me from watching it, oh, hell, no! I loved it. It was a great turning point in music history. Video may have killed the radio star, but it sure opened up a lot of doors for a lot of people.

Today I took the MRI ARRT registry exam and... well, I think it went all right, but I'll know for sure in a week or two. After all the studying, it's a wonder I can think at all. But now, at least until I know how I did, I can start focusing on the next challenge... which will be writing and web development.  I do have to do my taxes (yuck) and work on bill-paying (double yuck). I have plenty of work to keep me busy this upcoming week, and lots coming up in the next few months, which is a good problem to have.

Loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be...

Well, you can say that again.  I'm still waiting for my tour bus and swimming pool. Hahaha!  I can't really complain, though.  He's a good husband and he's bringing home dinner!!!  Also, our band is playing this weekend... but more about that later.

So I have a lot of big plans for my writing and webpages. I know, I say that about once a year, but maybe God is trying to tell me something. 

For one thing, I'm not getting a lot of work hours right now, and this was supposed to be one of my busy times.  In February, I had 21.5 weekdays scheduled to work in March. By March 1, two days had already been canceled. On March 3, a tech called about her upcoming some surgery, which will put her out 8 weeks. She works 4 days a week. Of course, I have some days I'm scheduled to go other places. I can only be one place at a time, but the lead tech knows this, and I'm sure they'll work out the details when it gets a little closer.

On March 6, I learned that I wouldn't be needed on the 7th as well as the 12th through the 15th.  They also cancelled 4 more weeks scattered through the rest of the year at that location. On the 7th, I learned they could not use me on the 8th.  I called the CPR office and was able to pick up a few days there. That day, the surgery date was set for the above-mentioned tech, so I was able to make some plans, which included two days of teaching CPR, including the 13th and 14th. Naturally, as soon as I did that, a coworker asked if I could work on the 14th, so I canceled that day too.  A few hours later, the lead tech asked if I could work on the 13th. I told her that I had just canceled 3 CPR days and I need CPR to keep the wolf from the door during the slow times, but I'd work in the morning if she needed me to, and she took me up on that.  So, I ended up working a half a day on the 13th, then rushing over to teach CPR. On my way home, I got a text message saying that they did not need me on the 14th after all. Unfortunately, they didn't need me to teach CPR by then either.  Last night they called me in to work today, where I learned that I am no longer needed Wednesday through Friday. So I was planning to work 21.5 days and I'll end up with 13.5, unless something changes.

And so it goes.

Besides that, I've been inspired to do a lot more writing. A few months ago, I started subscribing to a website called newspapers.com.  I'd heard of it before, when I was teaching, but I didn't subscribe because I didn't think I could get my money's worth out of it.  In one of my "fact-finding missions" I do researching sometimes, I discovered an article on the site and it suddenly dawned on me... I could use it to help me with Hee Haw, country music history, Frank Sutton history, Ridgetop history, and the list goes on.  We're playing this coming Saturday night, the 25th, in Dickson, TN, at the VFW.  I don't know the time, I would guess 8:00 pm, but I will try to get that updated ASAP.  I also want to get the Brewer's Chapel page updated. In the next few months we will be getting a new pastor. This is pretty standard procedure, Methodists switch out pastors every few years and our pastor's getting ready to retire. He has had some health issues in the past, but this past year has been particularly hard on him. I am not sure what to expect from our new pastor, but we have had this website for a long time that I haven't been updating, and I think if we want more younger people involved in the church, a strong web presence would be a good thing... and that includes getting control of the Brewer's Chapel Facebook page.  A former pastor started it, which is cool, but since he's somewhere else, we need to get that.  I don't mind updating it, either, as long as I don't have to tweet!

Those two things alone would be plenty of writing, but the Hee Haw page needs some serious updating too.  One of those days off this week I will go to Springfield, to the library to do some research, and to take some pictures of the Royal Inn before it gets torn down. Now, it may be years before they tear the place down, but it could be tomorrow!  There is a man named James Lileks, a writer and reporter in Minneapolis who has a website with motel postcards, etc. Really, he has a veritable treasure trove of modern American history.  I need to send him a picture of the Royal Inn if I can get one before they tear it down, since he has one from there.  Maybe I can send him a link to that pic on the FB "You Know You're From Springfield, TN if..." page, too.  I'm sure Bill Jones would enjoy Lileks' webpage.  It'd also be good if I can get it on my Royalty page too. 

So I have a lot of exciting ideas for my webpages. Another idea I'm considering is oral history type stuff, or interviews with older folks.  I think there are organizations like libraries that have organized programs for this, so I'll have to check into it.  Another oral history idea I have is doing people's memories it Brewers Chapel in a online type thing, maybe on the web page.

But if you will, bear with me a couple of weeks because I'm scheduled to take the MRI registry exam on Friday, March 31. I will be doing a lot of studying for that in the next couple weeks. After that, I plan to be writing a lot.  Of course, if I'm working in MRI a lot at that time, then I won't really have a lot of time to work on writing then either, but I'm pretty motivated right now. I've discovered that I can dictate while I'm driving.  I can set up the phone and the iPad both to record my dictation, and I can also use the voice recognition to record on the other one so I can put them together when I get home.  That's what I've done today. It's taken me some time, but I still have several hours before I have to go to bed, so I can study after dinner.

me and my drum

Have I written about this song?  It's on TV right now.  It was playing in the room when my grandfather passed away... in a few days that will have been seven years.  Or as he would say it, seb'm years.  I miss him all the time.

My blog hasn't been very active lately.  My focus of late has been set on preparing for the ARRT MRI registry. I still have about 90 procedures to log before I can take the test, and it isn't something you just walk in and do before you've seen 10 of them.  It's not like what I do in nucs, which is so repetitive and so ingrained into my brain that I can actually focus more on taking care of my patients and doing the many other things that are part of the job.  I do hope I can work at least part-time hours in MRI for my current employer, because I've been a part of that environment and I really, really like the pace and the interaction with the emergency room there.

I want to write about so much more.  I want to write about medicine, and education, and places and people and fiction and non-fiction.  I want to keep teaching CPR and doing nucs and MRI and hopefully some TEE too, although I think they're more likely to get one of the heart station techs for that.  I like being there.  I like what I do for a living.  I like doing it there and in the capacity I do because it is a good pace for me.  I'm getting old and I need all the help I can get.

So tonight I'm writing about writing.  I have been journaling as I usually do, documenting everything from my desire to drink a whole quart of boiled custard (not something I would recommend for a diabetic) to details of Randy's eye disease.  For me writing is not just something I do to document history or to tell stories, it's something that helps me sort through the insanity that runs through my brain. 

My brain has caused me a lot of trouble, which I'm trying to turn into something a little more constructive.  Depression, or bipolar disorder if you believe the most current diagnosis (and I do), has taken its toll on me and this house.  Chronic pain hasn't helped either.  Diabetic neuropathy has been horrible to me.  I'm not quite as heavy as I was, but I'm more crippled by it along with the degenerative changes I've had, like plantar fasciitis, arthritis, avascular necrosis, and other issues.  And somehow during the years of constant lesson planning and grading and exhaustion, I totally lost control of this house and my finances.  I've been working on the house, not just to create a more writing-conducive environment but because I need to organize the budget and paperwork.  It's really not that we can't pay the bills anymore, because we do a pretty good job of it.  I just need to get ready for the day when I can't drive to Nashville anymore, when it's time to move to assisted living or what have you.  Hopefully, that day is a long ways off.

Today I cleaned under my son's old bed and then moved the queen mattress and box springs into his old room.  I have a place for the twin mattress and frame and the old box spring is ready for the dump.  I have a box spring for the twin where it's going.  I moved my old recliner and took a TV into the kitchen/office and I am set up to get this room and all its paperwork under control so I can get out of debt.  I do see that as a possibility someday and it excites me.  Getting in there and working was exciting for me too.  So hopefully, in a few days, I'll be ready to start on some of the projects I think about all the time... like updating all my websites.  The Hee Haw almanac and website need a lot of work and I have some real goals to work on.  I need to get my ads up to date on all my sites and try to make them pay off a little.  I want to sell some of the collectible stuff I have and thin out my collections.  I want to write a lot more about country music history because there is a whole lot of it to share.  I want to write about not just the health issues I have but also those that are in the news and on the medical TV shows... about health education for health science teachers and college students who are interested in medicine.  And music... I want to market myself as well as our band.  I want to have information about my health and wellness business.  And lest I forget, this is where I sometimes do a little preaching.  So watch this space for more...

Happy, happy birthday, blog!

TEN years ago today this blog moved from MSN Spaces to Blogger.  TEN years.  A chronicle of my life... 20% or so of my life... documented on the 'Net for all the world to see.  Yes, there were times there were gaps of up to 11 months.  Two different years that I posted only 5 times.  But, I can look back and smile, remembering things like my little girl putting the wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier when she was 13.  Now she is 23... and almost 24.

I can't believe it's been 10 years since I started this blog.  Time flies, whether you're having fun or not!

I updated my health blog this morning and will update the Brewer's Chapel blog in the near future... maybe tonight.

Life is good and keep looking for more updates!

I get a peaceful, easy feeling... and I know you won't let me down.

Hey, y'all... been a long, long time since my last post and probably for good reason.  Life has changed forever, and whether that's a good or bad thing is still kind of too soon to know, but it's been great so far. The Rock Star had a gastric bypass in January and since then it's been... well, even before that it got pretty crazy.  I could write a book about it, and someday maybe I will.  The great part is that, so far, any changes it's made in him have been very positive.

We haven't had a real smooth road. Well, the Rock Star has but I have taken the whole process very hard as it has opened some really bad emotional baggage from years ago.  And just like opening luggage that's been closed for a long time, it has been pretty nasty at times.  But like washing out old, well-built suitcases and well-made clothes, the end results can be profitable (like selling them in vintage clothing stores).  I'm not selling my marriage at the flea market or giving it to the Goodwill.  I'm keeping it because by golly, this old suitcase is the bomb.com.  But I did get rid of the 50-year-old straws and napkins.  The bell bottom jeans are staying too.

I have been through a lot of issues about my body size, and tomorrow I may feel totally different, but I'm in a little better place since I decided to stay away from the scale and focus on looking the best I can for the adventure that day will bring.  My diet... well, that's whatever I need to do to keep my blood sugar in a good place.  If my blood sugars tend to run over 140, my feet hurt a lot.  Now, other things can aggravate the feet too, but if there's no other logical reason (such as a heavy workload or strenuous exercise the previous day, or lack of sleep or an incoming storm or weather change), I look at my blood sugars.  I don't check it every day but I do look at it several times a week at different times of the day and if I see it trending upward I keep a close eye on it until I get it under control.  I need to exercise more but we've been doing a lot of hiking and in general I try to move more than I did in the past.

And then I didn't end up with one ounce of weight loss, and I thought maybe I needed to have a gastric bypass, but the doctor suggested a change of lifestyle, and I changed it a little more by watching my diet a little closer and moving a tad more, and changing my diet drastically, and then thinking, this is not sustainable... and going through another low point where I felt completely devastated.  So several people I talked to said, "Go to another doctor, surely you will find someone who will help you with this," and I realized that I really do not WANT to have a gastric bypass at this point in my life.  I may later, if I continue to gain weight even after the lifestyle changes, or if I don't lose any weight at all... but at this point I am not ready for that.  I am enjoying the "new" Randy a lot.  He seems to be enjoying me too.  I have a lot to be thankful for... and one of those things is that Randy likes to do a lot more stuff outside the house and it's really great to get to do that with him. 

I'm actually sort of a Cheatham County Rock Star myself these days.  Randy's band "Traveler" invited me to be a part of their lineup and I'm happily doing so.  Always on the lookout for more gigs and singing opportunities... so keep looking here and on Facebook for updates (www.facebook.com/travelerclarksville).

This week on RFD-TV they're featuring from 2/26/1977, Season 8 episode 22, with guest stars Ernest Tubb and Jody Miller.  I'm not sure how I feel about this "Hee Haw" episode... it features Ernest Tubb, which is great, but Buck Owens is singing "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" and I'm not sure how I like that.  Funny, though, I may go back and listen to it again sometime so I can feel for some higher harmony.  Too bad Don Rich was already gone by the time this came out...

And this song "Roll Me On the Water" by Jody Miller... wow.  Those are some risqué lyrics for the 70s.  She was cute though.  Wonder what ever happened to her???  Well, I wondered and here is what Google told me.  http://www.jodymillermusic.com/

Hee Haw salutes Ernest Tubb's hometown of Crisp, Texas!  I heard that the Ernest Tubb Record Shop in Music Valley Village has closed.  I sure hate that.  I wonder what happened to the old tour bus there?

Well... that's not all by any means, but it's a return to the blogging world and I hope someone is glad I shared. 

tapestry

Don't die of shock because I'm writing two days in a row!

I'm actually seeing some benefit in using this as a method for web curation.  I Tweet interesting articles but I don't think I can use Twitter in class.  Interestingly, Tumblr isn't blocked, or at least it wasn't earlier in the school year.

Here's an article from Neuroscience News about a polio-like illness recently found in California.  I'd just Tweeted about another one... that one was in the emergency medicine journal Medscape Emergency.

I'm teaching about ECGs right now.  Here's a blog I just found:  Keeping ECGs Simple

Professional dress article in NurseTogether.com... I may have to see if I can get into the "inner circle" of this site.  I'm sure I can add something!

I've been a little disturbed by this recent news:  Three Parents.  Can you see me shivering?  Eeehhwww.

Another possibly troubling lab test... new DNA test for Down Syndrome.  As a parent of a child born with a birth defect, I know that knowing what we were facing before he was born was a wonderful gift, but I wonder how this test will affect abortion rates.  I'm sure there will be many heated debates about this one (but hopefully, not on this blog...).

Growing up, the first person I ever knew with Downs was Dawn Hulsizer, who passed away Sunday night and was buried today.  My heart is so heavy for her family, but she is flying with the angels now.  I love the picture her family put on the funeral home website.  I can't help but wonder... what if we're not the "normal" ones, they are?  Or if they're the more advanced, evolved models of humanity? I can just hear her dad calling her "Dawnie" with his New York accent...

Anybody remember diagramming sentences?  Here's a fun article about those.  Speaking of sentences, here are some really strange sentences.

I've got to stop.  I could go on all night doing this.

Yet another type of testing in this article from NPR:  You got WHAT in the mail?

Autism diagnosis changes...

Finally, my new favorite website ever.  Weekly Top 40

I'm not Lisa. My name is Julie.

My name is not Julie.  Nor was the woman's singing this song - that would've been Jessi Colter, the undeniably hot wife (now widow) of Waylon Jennings.  My really pretty stepsister looks a lot like a young Jessi, to me.  Yes, I am a little jealous - Jessi was hot, but also extremely cool.  Still is, really.

That link will take you to a YouTube video of her singing on "Hee Haw" and, of course, if you know me, you'll know I've written a bunch of stuff about that show.

I didn't start this post with the intention of writing about Jessi Colter.  I wanted to write about someone named Julie, Julie London.  She was another hot but extremely cool lady.  Yes, I really AM heterosexual.  I promise.  But when you're a kid, you often admire the beautiful women in your life and in front of you on the TV.  I haven't forgotten this!

With this sort of mindset, the other morning I was fighting the urge to go back to sleep.  The night before, I'd been up late and I read the IMDb profile I linked above, and I thought, I really need to watch some "Emergency."  So that morning when I was dragging, I thought, "What would Dixie McCall do?"  Dixie, of course, was the name of Julie's character, the unflappable, consummate ER nurse who was, in my humble opinion, perfect for the job.  She stood up for others, whether they be the patient or a co-worker, whenever necessary.  She offered a listening ear or a hand to hold.  She was efficient and professional, caring and yet direct.  She was smart and always knew what to do.  I still want to be Dixie when I grow up.

What would Dixie have done that early morning?  Why, she'd have gotten up and made a pot of coffee and gotten down to business!  I could've made a pot of coffee, but I've been drinking tea more lately.  I had a jug in the kitchen, so I poured myself a big glass and got on with my day.  I had an observation that day.  I don't know yet how it went (my meeting is tomorrow) but I felt cool, calm, unflappable, and interesting.  I created a meme and put it on my desktop both at home and work, and even printed a copy for my desk at work:

You may copy it... I don't remember where the picture came from either so I deserve no credit.  It's good to have it.  I sat down here awhile ago and I saw that picture and I thought... Dixie would sit here and do her lesson plans!

Of course I sat here and wrote this post instead... but I'll get to work on those lesson plans right away.  I just had to share this with my "fans."  (tee, hee... these probably never get read!)

S.I. Wk. 0 Day 3: They call me Dr. Love

No!  They really don't.  


I'm not a doctor or a nurse but I've had 26 years of healthcare experience.  Now I get questions... "What is this rash on my arm?"  "Do you have any bandaids?"  "I've got something stuck in my foot.  Do you have any tweezers?"  or... "There's a girl passed out in the bathroom floor!"  I don't mind that, really.  I am just as happy to be the computer MD.  I get questions there too, and half of them aren't the kind I can answer.  I mean, I know a lot about computers but I don't have the answers to everything.


I do miss health care.  All the while I was in nuclear medicine, I was looking for more... more money when I was working part-time, and when I was working full-time, I was looking for more to do with my life.  I knew I wasn't going to set the world on fire doing nucs, but I thought maybe I could catch a wave of some new treatment or discovery... even if it was an old remedy like discovering a new use for ginseng or something like that.  Then I got this job that really changed my life, first in a good way and then in a bad way, and now... well, you decide.  I went to work at Vanderbilt and thought that would make my life complete.  I loved it, and then I got laid off, and it's been a wild ride ever since.


So I spent time today looking for a part-time medical job.  I could be a CNA but with my feet the way they are, I don't think that would work, and I went into excruciating detail about nuc jobs last night.  Looks like I'll be spending my summer planning to be a better teacher, and there's nothing wrong with that.  Maybe I can make some extra money doing transcription.  I wonder if I could do any writing...


Today was the first day of exams.  I have a few who need to make up their exams and one who didn't come to school today.  I didn't have any foot trouble during the day but this afternoon and evening have been a different story.  I need some pain relief NOW.  I didn't improve anything here at home... but I've done a lot of thinking and maybe that is a step in the right direction.

Paperback writer...

Not really... while I am constantly coming up with ideas for story writing, I don't know who would want to read that. I'm not sure if anybody reads this!!!

Lots going on right now. I'm working on my research paper. It's due tomorrow. I've done the research. I'm just putting it together and trying to find some sources to back up my opinions. My research is about technology in the classroom. Of course! So right now I'm taking a blogging break. I'm listening to 70's music which seems to foster my creativity for some reason. I think it puts me back into my childhood where my imagination is nice and functional. Maybe that makes me weird. Maybe I'm weird anyway.

Besides that, this weekend I have to get all my stuff planned for my students for Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday because I'll be at the HOSA State Conference those days. I have to clean out the car so I can put my competitors in it, as well as my stuff for three days. While I'm there I plan to finish updating the student database for the grading program, although I have discovered that this job isn't going to be finished as long as I'm working on it (and probably, working there as well). Every time a teacher joins the school's site (and there are still quite a few to go) I'll have to update students. It's inevitable. It's okay, though. I just work on it when I can.

I also need to catch up on grading this weekend, and go by the school Sunday and pick up journals to grade too. The amusement never ends.

I'm okay with it though. I have enough to do outside the house tomorrow to make it okay to stay home and write today. I'm working on something that I have a passion for - computers and technology education - and that makes it easier. I have decided that I'm going to get my doctorate in instructional technology. Not sure what school yet - I've got to decide, but I have a year or two to do that. This summer Derek's having surgery and I'm taking a break from my studies. If I do any extra work, it'll be transcription. In the fall I'll either take one or two courses, and if I take two I'll be able to take two in the spring to graduate. If it takes me longer, so be it.

God is good to me... He gave me awesome kids and an amazing husband and the rest of my family's pretty great too. I have more than I know what to do with... life is good. Rachel's doing a formal this weekend and one next weekend. D's going to the prom next weekend. He made a 29 on his ACT! This was his 1st try! Rachel did too, on her 2nd try. Both of them are very smart! I've got a great church family but a lot going on there too... can't go into that on the blog but suffice it to say I have things I don't want to take care of there. I'll be glad when I'm no longer the chair of the PPR committee.

Well, that's what's happening... for what it's worth.

What's new, pussycat? Wo-wo-wo-oh!!!

Rachel's been here for a post-mission trip visit. She just left. I hate to see her go so soon, but... that just goes with life, sugar.

D's spending the night with a buddy.

Randy's cleaning up the storage building.

I've been updating events on websites... seems like I get that task no matter where I go. I do that on the school website, the church website, the HOSA school website... how did I get that task???

I was feeling a little frustrated. It happens so easily. I get overwhelmed with all the junk in my life and all the unfinished business I have. I have a dirty house, a big research project looming in the headlights (and getting bigger as I get closer to it) for one of my graduate courses, a smaller, but still huge work project coming up in the next few days at school, church tomorrow (two services... one should be really cool), a part-time job that doesn't pay all that well but is something that comes natural and it's something I can do at home, a full-time job that wipes me out mentally and sometimes physically and requires more time than I am willing to give it while paying about half the salary I used to make before being laid off 3 years ago, a chronic illness that tries my patience and confuses me to no end; sometimes it's easy to deal with and at other times, it's literally a huge pain. And then there are the usual things... bathrooms, furniture, and floors to clean, dishes and laundry to wash, and meals that need preparation. Thank goodness Randy doesn't mind cooking. I have a wonderful husband and two fantastic kids. Fortunately, they don't require a lot of my time anymore, but I want to spend time with them. I have parents who don't ask a lot of me, but I want to spend time with them too. I have brothers, sisters-in-law, a mother-in-law, nieces, nephews... you get the picture. I have a church family and good friends. I have a great life and it's rich and full. Unfortunately, I just don't manage my time the way I should.

I want to write. I don't usually think of that when I'm making goals for my life because... I just don't. I don't see it ever being lucrative enough for me to do it full-time. I do get a lot of my writing "jones" out by blogging and all that web work. With my "side job" of transcription, and the writing I should be doing in my online class, and especially as a teacher, I get plenty of opportunities these days. I've spent most of my life thinking, someday I will write the fiction stories that I have stored in my head all these years. Now I'm 44 and wondering, how many years do I have? Maybe I will live another 44 years, but I am already diabetic and don't eat the way I should... so really, who can say? I read an article in the Tennessean today and it got me to thinking too. It was about a woman who has dementia - and she's 49. I'll be 45 in a few weeks. That's scary.

So I was looking at "Pick the Brain." It's one of my favorite websites. I check it two or three times a week, sometimes more. I like it on Facebook, so that helps remind me to check it often. It's an inspirational - motivational site, which is something I've found really helpful over the last year. Anyway, I was reading about how "I'm the problem" and it reminded me of how often I've looked at my life and wondered, why did I end up (insert fault here... I'll give you some ideas... fat, broke, living in a perpetually-dirty house that isn't worth what I owe...)? The "fat" part - strangely, being fat doesn't bother me as far as my appearance goes, because even though I'm heavier than I've ever been, I'm still sort of in the middle. I know many thinner people and many fatter people. I still look all right, most of the time. It's my health that worries me. I wonder if my feet would feel better if I wasn't carrying around all the extra weight. I know my knees would.

I have a wonderful marriage. But sometimes I wonder - does Randy secretly wish he'd married the girl who married an astronaut? Would he have been better off if he had? Would she? I don't know. We'll never know. It doesn't matter, really. It didn't happen.

The more important question is, what can I do to become what I want to be? Or who I want to be? Am I ready to make the changes I need to do what I want???

live like... you were dying???

The day Derek was born, I called our church (at the time). It was, after all, Wednesday evening and everyone would want to know. The young lady who answered the phone was a high school senior and the daughter of a couple who had made us feel so at home in our short time there. Now Derek is 17, and today that young lady's youngest son died at the age of 10, after fighting a brain tumor for over a year. I had hoped I would catch her to give her a cap Randy got. I'm sorry that I didn't get that cap to her and Andrew.

Shortly after I heard that, I read a blog post by a woman who has lost 200 pounds. It was called "45 Simple Actions to Start Losing Weight." One of the actions: "Deal with Stress." I'm not sure how to do that. I guess I need to figure that out. This woman wrote about the stress she had from her job. I know that feeling. Some days I hate it. This week, I'm trying to get everything done so I won't have to do it during Spring Break, next week. Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to get everything in. I planned to go visit Billie and Andrew last weekend. I kept over-extending myself. I stayed too long at Mom's, then at Dad's, on Saturday. Not that I regret that, I don't regret visiting my parents at all... but then I was going to eat at a fundraiser with Randy. I then had to finish a transcription assignment that I didn't complete Friday evening, because I got a late start.

Then I had classwork to do before midnight Sunday night. Though I fooled around a little and napped on Sunday afternoon after lunch, I managed to get that done at a reasonable time. Then I didn't leave myself enough time to grade my students' work because when I got through with my classwork I played online Boggle for too long. I gave up Spider Solitaire for Lent and then turned around and started playing Boggle. I am not all that great at it, and last night I decided to give it up too.

Yesterday, a couple of students and I talked about that song, "Live Like You Were Dying." They didn't really get it. I said, you know, we shouldn't live our lives waiting for something to happen later. Live like you're dying doesn't mean lie in the bed waiting for the angels to escort you home. It means live now, instead of putting things off until later. I don't know if I adequately conveyed my feelings. But in the last two weeks, when so many people have died, it means so much more.

I started teaching in August of 2009 and in the whirlwind of never-ending work and the heat of that first classroom, I lost 13 pounds in 3 months. Since then I have put on almost 30 pounds. Oh, it varies from day to day. This morning it was actually 24.5 pounds. And in November 2008, I think I even weighed less than that Nov. 2009 weight. I hate that I've gained so much weight. I don't hate myself and I don't even hate my body, but I need to get in better shape because I want to be healthier. I know a great deal of my problem is stress. I come home, eat, and have to do more work before bed. Some nights (like tonight) I put off working until it's too late. I really don't waste a ton of time on Facebook, but I spend a lot of time looking for that elusive nuclear medicine job, or some other job that promises more money and more time to relax outside of work. Next thing I know, it's 10:30, I haven't read or relaxed, I'm depressed from not finding that "perfect" job, I've still got a sack full of ungraded work and piles of housework to do, and I need to get to bed.

I don't always work as efficiently as I should. Some days I write in my blog and spend 30 minutes on Facebook. I did a lot today and I could do a lot more. I could probably stay up all night. I stayed until 7:00 doing work and grading journals. I have two more classes of journals, posters to grade, and exams to grade. I'm going to bed. I need to start living again.

But I didn't want to turn this into a story about me. I wanted to say, we all need to live like we're dying. We need to live. We need to love. We may need to work too, but we can't keep putting off our lives, because the future isn't promised. Today is a gift and we need to be grateful for it.

School's out for...two weeks!

Today I've been a sleepyhead. I think I deserve to be. I've been in school and teaching school and sleep has been a luxury. I HAVE done some work around here & in a few I'll do a little more. I need to do some serious writing today, a little bit of record keeping, and a little research for my at-home job...in addition to a little more cleaning and laundry.

My wonderful rock star is on a grocery run. D is watching "Lost" & Rach is still asleep. I have really appreciated the rock star this week.

Sometimes it takes a drastic thing to make me appreciate what's unique about him. Last weekend the brother of a high school friend died. I remember him but didn't really know him. I went to the funeral home. He was president of his motorcycle club. For those who aren't into the biker culture, this means he was into that lifestyle. The funeral home parking lot was filled with bikes and leather, long grey beards and smoke. The pallbearers had names like Dirt and Birddog. To be quite honest, I was impressed with the organization and the care they took to do everything just right. Bikers seem to like Randy's bands. I have always appreciated that. Maybe there is a part of me that envies that lifestyle. At any rate, I've appreciated more about Randy and his quirks this week

I had decided that my new year's resolution would be to be more creative. I need to lose weight, work out, and be healthier...and maybe I will...but I have so many ideas and so many things I want to learn to do, and I do so little of them. So I'm going to do those things in 2012. I'm going to write more, paint and draw more, maybe write some songs, maybe be more creative in the kitchen. I'm looking forward to this coming year.

Gotta keep those a-lovin' good vibrations a-happenin' with you

"I, I love the colorful clothes she wears..."

I love to wear colorful clothes, but mostly, I wear black these days, because I don't have much time for, or interest in, shopping. I've been in one of my funky moods where I spend all my non-working hours online looking for a second (or third, or fourth, or whatever) job. I WAS spending a lot of time playing Spider Solitaire, so I consider this an improvement.

Don't worry about me though, I'm really not depressed. I laugh a lot and I am happy with all the relationships in my life. I'm looking forward to Christmas. I feel a lot of good vibrations!!! I just have too much going on. Like...

Teaching: I've got a lot more grading to do, and I've had a busy week. Next week we have exams and then...2.5 weeks off!!! This semester has flown by, and I can't believe it's almost over. I have 4 observations next semester :\ Not sure how I feel about that. If I can get through them, I'll be ready to get my license advanced. On the other hand, sometimes I think I'd go back to nuc med...if anyone had an opening...if anyone would even consider me if they did.

Other jobs: Nuc med's not hiring. CNA jobs are out there, but I haven't even gotten to a real interview. Don't know if it's the fact that I have another job, or because I have more education, or because nobody wants someone who's had five jobs in five years. (Actually, this time last year I'd had six jobs in 5 years, but I've been at this one for a year and a half.) I'm working as a test proctor this Saturday, and I got a part-time online position today that I need to finish training to do. Writing is possibly another income stream...see below...

Preaching: I have to speak Sunday! Am I ready? No. Am I close? Well, if having an idea counts, then yeah.

Studying: I'm in the last week of online classes this semester. Sigh. I only have one big assignment left and uploading a few small ones onto my portfolio. Haven't decided if I'm going to take classes next semester, or wait awhile...I don't know. A lot going on, you know???

Writing: This is actually a pretty exciting time in my writing life. I'm the Nashville Southern Culture Examiner for examiner.com. Read all about it! I also have other writing ideas. I'm thinking I'll update my websites during Christmas break. I get a lot of interest in the site, but I really don't update it much. If I'm not in class, though, I might have time for updating ads and content.

Home: Rachel comes home next week...Derek's in school until the 22nd (I think)...after Christmas it's Randy's busy season. The house is a mess, though maybe better than usual. Still don't have the tree up, still haven't figured out how much more shopping I need to do.

Singing: Nothing much to tell here. I sang at church and then the Messiah on Sunday. Though I loved it, I'm glad to have a break. I'll probably sing at the Christian Care Center at some point during the Christmas break. We'll see.

Well, I'm going to bed now. Maybe I'll get enough sleep to get up on time!!!

How could I be without your love

I really wasn't writing with the intention of waxing poetic about my husband. I couldn't think of a "how to" song that I wanted to post. I like this one, though. It's pretty.

I have spent my evening searching "How To" articles online for help with a class assignment. The hardest part so far has been figuring out what I want to learn. I’m not saying I know how to do everything, because I don’t (as you’ll learn by reading this), but sometimes I feel like I know how to do too many things. I have craft supplies I don’t have time to use, holiday decorations I don’t have time to put out, and websites I don’t have time to maintain. I don’t always have time to go to the grocery store, much less cook. The things I’d like to learn how to do are too complex to learn in a Web tutorial. There are the intangibles, like “How to get a job in a stagnant field from which you were laid off,” or“How to find time to keep your house looking immaculate clean decent while you work full-time, take two graduate courses, raise a teenager, have three indoor pets, support a college student, stay married, and go to church.” Then, there’s the way too involved for the Web stuff, like “How to become a massage therapist,” or “How to make some extra money (for supporting that college student).” I’d like to solve problems. How about, “How to cure cancer,” or “How to stop domestic violence”?

If you’ve read this far, you’re probably thinking I need to find “How to Get a Positive Attitude!”

Seriously…maybe there’s a story there.

I went to Google. I typed in “how to” and then started with a, went to b, c, d, etc. all the way through the alphabet. Did you know you can learn to roll a joint on the Internet? I don’t need to know how to do that. After going through the alphabet I thought I’d start over and type ab, ac, ad, and so forth. You can learn how to abort a baby on the Internet. I would say, “Well, I never!” but unfortunately, I am NOT surprised at that. I didn’t know how valuable some of my knowledge was…such as “How to elope” (been there, done that), “how to flirt” (how do you think I learned how to elope?), “how to give a hickey” (not going there) and “how to do an EKG” (well, I did know that was valuable). Still, I kept going.

I got to “ezine” and almost stopped there, but the thought of adding another responsibility to my list seemed too daunting.

How to hook up a laptop to your TV…hmm…

How to make a QR code…that could be good.

How to build apps for smartphones…NOW WE ARE TALKING.

How to organize your home…maybe this is what I need, really.

It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

First let me say that I'm not referring to my marriage. Right now, that's fine. No complaints.

I picked this song for the title because today I've been bothered a bit by the mistakes I made in the past. While typing that sentence I wondered how many mistakes I've blogged about. I thought I'd read the entries from the month that had the most, July 2007...but I couldn't read them all because I remembered where they led, where I went the next few months. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I got the job I had wanted, the job that ended 18 months later. I had two grandparents living then...I don't have either one now. But that wasn't my fault and neither was the loss of my job. Still, even now I wonder how different my life would be if I'd stayed at Skyline instead of going to Clarksville Cardiology and then Vandy and then Dr. Mishra's and then Glencliff and then Springfield. I don't regret moving from Madisonville, or leaving the VA or leaving Northcrest. I would go back to any of them if offered the right job, but I don't regret any moves before leaving Skyline.

I don't know that regret is the right word for how I feel about the other moves. I had my reasons for leaving all of them. I thought Vandy would give me a more secure future and help get my kids through college. I thought I could make peace with my situation working for Dr. Mishra, but it was everything I didn't like about working in nuclear cardiology. I left the Cliff because I wanted to teach closer to home. I don't regret going to Springfield, and I'm not sure I regret going into teaching, but, I miss working in health care. And, I miss the money I used to make.

Nuclear medicine technology is an oft-misunderstood profession, as I've learned over the years, even since I left the field, as I wrote last night. All those years, I felt like it sounded impressive but it wasn't. Now, I think, that DID sound impressive, and in some ways it was, and all the while, I didn't like it.

I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I've raised two great kids, and for that I'm very happy and thankful. Otherwise, I've spent too much time eating, playing on the computer, driving too much, writing about nonsense, and learning about trivia. I haven't written anything great or accomplished great things either for God or my family. I live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes fall in the gap in between.

I haven't even made the most of this summer. I haven't cleaned the house as well as I should've, gotten in shape, or done enough fun stuff. Heck, I haven't even worked hard enough, because I haven't planned at all for this coming semester. And, it's coming fast. Not only that, but I've bitten off more than I can chew. But, I've done that for a reason. I have to do what I have to do.

Right now, I need to do laundry. So, I'll write more later.