Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

First let me say that I'm not referring to my marriage. Right now, that's fine. No complaints.

I picked this song for the title because today I've been bothered a bit by the mistakes I made in the past. While typing that sentence I wondered how many mistakes I've blogged about. I thought I'd read the entries from the month that had the most, July 2007...but I couldn't read them all because I remembered where they led, where I went the next few months. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I got the job I had wanted, the job that ended 18 months later. I had two grandparents living then...I don't have either one now. But that wasn't my fault and neither was the loss of my job. Still, even now I wonder how different my life would be if I'd stayed at Skyline instead of going to Clarksville Cardiology and then Vandy and then Dr. Mishra's and then Glencliff and then Springfield. I don't regret moving from Madisonville, or leaving the VA or leaving Northcrest. I would go back to any of them if offered the right job, but I don't regret any moves before leaving Skyline.

I don't know that regret is the right word for how I feel about the other moves. I had my reasons for leaving all of them. I thought Vandy would give me a more secure future and help get my kids through college. I thought I could make peace with my situation working for Dr. Mishra, but it was everything I didn't like about working in nuclear cardiology. I left the Cliff because I wanted to teach closer to home. I don't regret going to Springfield, and I'm not sure I regret going into teaching, but, I miss working in health care. And, I miss the money I used to make.

Nuclear medicine technology is an oft-misunderstood profession, as I've learned over the years, even since I left the field, as I wrote last night. All those years, I felt like it sounded impressive but it wasn't. Now, I think, that DID sound impressive, and in some ways it was, and all the while, I didn't like it.

I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I've raised two great kids, and for that I'm very happy and thankful. Otherwise, I've spent too much time eating, playing on the computer, driving too much, writing about nonsense, and learning about trivia. I haven't written anything great or accomplished great things either for God or my family. I live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes fall in the gap in between.

I haven't even made the most of this summer. I haven't cleaned the house as well as I should've, gotten in shape, or done enough fun stuff. Heck, I haven't even worked hard enough, because I haven't planned at all for this coming semester. And, it's coming fast. Not only that, but I've bitten off more than I can chew. But, I've done that for a reason. I have to do what I have to do.

Right now, I need to do laundry. So, I'll write more later.

1 comment:

Kelly said...

This post applies to me. I miss healthcare, too. I miss the pay but, more importantly, I miss the feeling of making a difference in this world. I love serving others and healthcare filled that need to serve. Someday, maybe.