Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette!

I don't smoke. I smoked for about 15 minutes in my early 20's, never more than half a pack a day. I can see how people get hooked & have a hard time quitting. If they're like caffeine... Anyway, sometimes I can smell a cigarette & want one even now, all these years later.

Tonight I watched old cigarette ads on YouTube. I did not know that the Flintstones smoked Winstons. No lie. I DO - just barely - remember cigarette commercials (Marlboro, mainly), but none of the ones I saw tonight. After watching one, I remembered how I always wondered how people could ski and smoke at the same time. (That commercial is older than me, but I do remember seeing things like that in print ads.) Even then, I knew that water & cigarette paper didn't mix.

I DID know that some brands claimed health benefits. I used to go to a doctor who had cigarette ads framed on his office wall. I am pretty sure he did not smoke, but I'm sure he remembered "What cigarette do you smoke, doctor?"

I have the day off tomorrow. Yippee!!! I'm going to lunch with my friend Cindy & her son Mason.

I also plan to do some stuff here at home. I need a change in my attitude about home. I have been rather disgusted with this house for awhile. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I've never been a great housekeeper, but that's not the only problem I have with the house. I have never been too fond of the location. Randy grew up here, but his family doesn't live close by & none of his friends do anymore either.

I like three things about the location. I like the fact that it's a nice little place to walk. It's not a very long road, but it's not too short either. I like the fact that it's close to our church, and several others, too! This puts us in close proximity to several other church families as well. And, I like the fact that it IS close to the interstate. Inside the house, it is not noticeable 90% of the time, but because the interstate exit is close, driving in bad weather is usually not that bad.

I dislike several things about the location. It is close to almost nothing except what I mentioned before. Not close to my workplace or Randy's, or to the school, or to our families, or to a grocery store, bank, restaurant or post office. Now, country living is all right, but when nothing is close to anything else, it does make things complicated. Time-consuming, too. I dislike the proximity to all the other houses. If I'm going to live 6 miles from the grocery store, I'd like to have a little privacy. Things have gotten a little better between us & the neighbors, but it's not private enough.

The kids want to live in Pleasant View, in a subdivision, or somewhere they can be close to their friends & their houses. I understand that, but it is of no consequence. They hate it here, & by the time we repair our financial situation so that buying a new home is a possibility (rather than a huge leap that could bite us hard), they will be grown & gone & then I'll be here in this house without them. Then, I'll be looking for a place with NO land & NO privacy so I won't have to take care of the yard when Randy can't do it anymore.

In general, there is not a lot I just love about the house. I am fairly indifferent about most things about it. I don't hate the yard. I sort of like the color of the brick. I sort of like the fact that it's brick. Most of the things I like best are the things I had something to do with changing from the original. I like the central heat & air. I bought that. I like the floor in the living room. Randy installed that. I like the vinyl siding. My dad & brother added that. I like the bathroom we had repaired. I paid for that too.

When Granny died, I went to her house & picked up the country music DVD's I made for her. I joked that I always knew I'd have to bring those back home someday, but I figured by then I'd have more room to store them. And you know what? I still can't believe she's really gone. It just doesn't seem possible. I keep thinking that I'll go to her house & she'll be sitting there in that old blue chair that used to belong to Randy's dad, & she'll be watching basketball...or the Food Network...or the news, with the cat on her lap. But I know that's not true.

Anyway, I don't have much room to store the DVD's or anything else, either. I try not to envy the people who do, but it's hard when all your co-workers, your brother, & your kids' friends live in houses that are 2 or 3 times bigger than yours, with paved driveways & permanently installed dishwashers & more than one bathtub. I think, in general, that most Americans have more house than they need. Seems like everyone wants one that's bigger & better than the neighbors'. And, really, people build too many of them too. Here in TN, though, seems like once they get built, they get filled up. Where do these people come from??? This size house was fine for families 30 years ago, so why isn't it now??? We have too much stuff.

So, on that note, I'm going to bed. I can't sit here & ramble on about it. It makes me angry to think about Randy's attitude about it, the kids' attitude about it, my attitude about it, & the reality that no matter what attitude we have, we are stuck here for at least another year.

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