Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My heart is on fire, part two.

Continuing that last post...

For two years, the neuropathy has been off and on. Sometimes it has been pretty easy to ignore, but for the last six weeks or so it has been nearly unbearable at times, not all day every day, but nearly every day for at least three hours. I used to do the elliptical for thirty minutes at a time but I haven't been able to do that in awhile. Yesterday I probably could have, but my stomach was upset, so I didn't get to finish. This, on top of my plantar fasciitis (which isn't nearly as bad as it was in the summer), has made any activity where I have to stand for more than 10 minutes a real challenge. Shopping gets the best of me after about 20 minutes; the standing in line is usually miserable. Socks and shoes aggravate the neuropathy, and being barefoot aggravates the fasciitis.

So now I stumble around, sometimes fall, and have to sit a lot more than I would like.

On top of this, I have learned that in the last four years, I have gone from having one mildly leaky valve in my heart to four in various stages of leaking. Mostly the leaks are mild, with one that has graduated to moderate. Whoopee! In addition to this, it beats too fast and, though it didn't happen when I wore the monitor, it throws out extra beats here and there.

Yes, I DO feel like I am falling apart.

I don't share a lot of this very often because I figure everybody has their share of troubles. Compared to some people, my troubles aren't very bad. Compared to others, I seem like a train wreck. For a long time I didn't share this because I wanted to do what I want without other people telling me I can't. Mainly, that meant I wanted to eat whatever I wanted without people making judgment. However, the last four months have been enough to change my mind. This past semester I gave in and told them when I kept coming in irritable or groggy and getting sick to my stomach, wearing funny shoes and stumbling around like a drunk sometimes.

I'm telling it now, because I am tired of bearing this alone.

Yesterday after my doctor's visit I felt like I had everything wrong with me. I don't, though. I don't have cancer, and I'm thankful for that, because I have seen cancer, and it is definitely no fun. But I admire cancer survivors. I would like to be a survivor.

Heart disease is the number one killer of women. Now I have a vested interest. I am going to be a survivor.

No comments: