Sunday, June 17, 2007

write it all down in a tear-stained letter

I just got back from vacation.

My son went in to go to the bathroom & found our oldest cat, Smokey, in the sink. He had died sometime while we were gone. He liked to lie in the sink, i guess because it was a cool place. He had been fighting fleas before we left, but we'd bathed him a few days before our trip, & we thought he was getting better. He was at least 13 or 14 years old; we got him, full-grown, a few months before Derek was born, & D will be 13 next February.

We had asked a neighbor to come in & check on them while we were gone but I don't know what happened. Surely he came by...we haven't been able to get hold of him (of course, we didn't call his house tonight when we got here because it was 1 am...but we called his cell phone). I hope he is ok. but I know he is going to feel terrible when he realizes what happened, if he doesn't already know. anyway, it has been a sad, sad night here. I couldn't look at him but Derek said he looked peaceful, like he just went to sleep. Randy put him in a box. We will bury him in the morning. Well, after daylight anyway.

I thought that I had them all taken care of...but then as a mommy...a mommy to the pets has been really hard. Hard to know D found him. Hard to know Rachel feels bad for not calling the neighbor multiple times during the week as I asked her to. Hard to know I wasn't there for my little guy. But easier to know he went to sleep.

The other two cats are fine. The dog's at the kennel. From now on, if I can ever afford to go on vacation again, all the pets will go to the kennel. I'll never leave them with the assumption that someone will look in on them again. I just can't do it.

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