Last night I sat at the piano & played hymns. Now, I use the word "played" rather loosely. If you consider playing what untrained children do when they bang on the piano, you are pretty close to having an accurate mental picture of what I do on the piano. I am no real musician there. I can sort of read music, & I can sort of put my fingers on the right keys to play based on what I see & know. However, I do most of my playing with my right hand only because if I played with both hands, a four-minute hymn would take about 45 minutes. I am just really slow at figuring out every note & then getting them all right.
Despite the fact that I am nowhere near church pianist quality, I find playing hymns very relaxing. I could - and sometimes do - sit there for hours flipping through my collection of hymnals, picking out songs that we sing frequently (like "It is Well") or songs I haven't heard since I was a kid at Bethel Baptist (like "Brethren, We Have Met to Worship").
When I first started playing last night, the kids were out with the youth director for an evening of fun. There for awhile, I had my doubts about how the changes in our church youth program were going to work out for good. I can't say exactly why - it's much too complicated a subject for a blog entry & not something I'd want to publish on the Internet anyway. I feel a little better about the subject now. I think my decision to not act in haste was probably a good one. Fortunately, God gave me the sense to realize that my perception of reality wasn't extremely accurate last month. I mean, when you look at all the stuff that happened in September, that's not hard to comprehend.
Last night I thought about all this, & I thought of how we often turn our eyes from Jesus & onto the issues that divide us. Most of us Christians let too much divide us. I know we can't all agree on everything. Can we agree to disagree? Can we be united in sharing God's love? In spreading His Word? The question "What would Jesus do?" comes to mind. I wonder. I think people's ideas of what Jesus would do are vastly different based on what they've been taught in churches & in homes. I had a friend whose image of God was that of a strict, almost unforgiving taskmaster. As a child, this lady lived near my husband, who remembers the lady's father as a harsh & rigid man. (He also tells stories of the man's mental breakdown, probably the result of PTSD.)
Maybe this principle explains why I think God has a great, but also sometimes sarcastic, sense of humor. That's my Dad! I wouldn't say God's quite as sarcastic...but then Dad's not that bad either.
We humans are all flawed. Could we possibly therefore have flawed images of what God wants us to do? I think so. Obviously, people twist the words of the Bible to mean what they want them to mean. But when we look at the big picture, we should all see something close to the same thing - a loving God who gave His Son for the eternal salvation of us flawed humans.
Well, I could sit here all day & talk philosophy & theology. In the last few days, I've really thought a lot about it. But, I have things to do. I want to cook a good dinner tonight, to work on painting more of the kitchen (there's an idea for a future blog entry) & to clean the garage a little more. It was such a huge job, I couldn't do it in one day. So, those subjects will have to wait until later.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette!
I don't smoke. I smoked for about 15 minutes in my early 20's, never more than half a pack a day. I can see how people get hooked & have a hard time quitting. If they're like caffeine... Anyway, sometimes I can smell a cigarette & want one even now, all these years later.
Tonight I watched old cigarette ads on YouTube. I did not know that the Flintstones smoked Winstons. No lie. I DO - just barely - remember cigarette commercials (Marlboro, mainly), but none of the ones I saw tonight. After watching one, I remembered how I always wondered how people could ski and smoke at the same time. (That commercial is older than me, but I do remember seeing things like that in print ads.) Even then, I knew that water & cigarette paper didn't mix.
I DID know that some brands claimed health benefits. I used to go to a doctor who had cigarette ads framed on his office wall. I am pretty sure he did not smoke, but I'm sure he remembered "What cigarette do you smoke, doctor?"
I have the day off tomorrow. Yippee!!! I'm going to lunch with my friend Cindy & her son Mason.
I also plan to do some stuff here at home. I need a change in my attitude about home. I have been rather disgusted with this house for awhile. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I've never been a great housekeeper, but that's not the only problem I have with the house. I have never been too fond of the location. Randy grew up here, but his family doesn't live close by & none of his friends do anymore either.
I like three things about the location. I like the fact that it's a nice little place to walk. It's not a very long road, but it's not too short either. I like the fact that it's close to our church, and several others, too! This puts us in close proximity to several other church families as well. And, I like the fact that it IS close to the interstate. Inside the house, it is not noticeable 90% of the time, but because the interstate exit is close, driving in bad weather is usually not that bad.
I dislike several things about the location. It is close to almost nothing except what I mentioned before. Not close to my workplace or Randy's, or to the school, or to our families, or to a grocery store, bank, restaurant or post office. Now, country living is all right, but when nothing is close to anything else, it does make things complicated. Time-consuming, too. I dislike the proximity to all the other houses. If I'm going to live 6 miles from the grocery store, I'd like to have a little privacy. Things have gotten a little better between us & the neighbors, but it's not private enough.
The kids want to live in Pleasant View, in a subdivision, or somewhere they can be close to their friends & their houses. I understand that, but it is of no consequence. They hate it here, & by the time we repair our financial situation so that buying a new home is a possibility (rather than a huge leap that could bite us hard), they will be grown & gone & then I'll be here in this house without them. Then, I'll be looking for a place with NO land & NO privacy so I won't have to take care of the yard when Randy can't do it anymore.
In general, there is not a lot I just love about the house. I am fairly indifferent about most things about it. I don't hate the yard. I sort of like the color of the brick. I sort of like the fact that it's brick. Most of the things I like best are the things I had something to do with changing from the original. I like the central heat & air. I bought that. I like the floor in the living room. Randy installed that. I like the vinyl siding. My dad & brother added that. I like the bathroom we had repaired. I paid for that too.
When Granny died, I went to her house & picked up the country music DVD's I made for her. I joked that I always knew I'd have to bring those back home someday, but I figured by then I'd have more room to store them. And you know what? I still can't believe she's really gone. It just doesn't seem possible. I keep thinking that I'll go to her house & she'll be sitting there in that old blue chair that used to belong to Randy's dad, & she'll be watching basketball...or the Food Network...or the news, with the cat on her lap. But I know that's not true.
Anyway, I don't have much room to store the DVD's or anything else, either. I try not to envy the people who do, but it's hard when all your co-workers, your brother, & your kids' friends live in houses that are 2 or 3 times bigger than yours, with paved driveways & permanently installed dishwashers & more than one bathtub. I think, in general, that most Americans have more house than they need. Seems like everyone wants one that's bigger & better than the neighbors'. And, really, people build too many of them too. Here in TN, though, seems like once they get built, they get filled up. Where do these people come from??? This size house was fine for families 30 years ago, so why isn't it now??? We have too much stuff.
So, on that note, I'm going to bed. I can't sit here & ramble on about it. It makes me angry to think about Randy's attitude about it, the kids' attitude about it, my attitude about it, & the reality that no matter what attitude we have, we are stuck here for at least another year.
Tonight I watched old cigarette ads on YouTube. I did not know that the Flintstones smoked Winstons. No lie. I DO - just barely - remember cigarette commercials (Marlboro, mainly), but none of the ones I saw tonight. After watching one, I remembered how I always wondered how people could ski and smoke at the same time. (That commercial is older than me, but I do remember seeing things like that in print ads.) Even then, I knew that water & cigarette paper didn't mix.
I DID know that some brands claimed health benefits. I used to go to a doctor who had cigarette ads framed on his office wall. I am pretty sure he did not smoke, but I'm sure he remembered "What cigarette do you smoke, doctor?"
I have the day off tomorrow. Yippee!!! I'm going to lunch with my friend Cindy & her son Mason.
I also plan to do some stuff here at home. I need a change in my attitude about home. I have been rather disgusted with this house for awhile. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I've never been a great housekeeper, but that's not the only problem I have with the house. I have never been too fond of the location. Randy grew up here, but his family doesn't live close by & none of his friends do anymore either.
I like three things about the location. I like the fact that it's a nice little place to walk. It's not a very long road, but it's not too short either. I like the fact that it's close to our church, and several others, too! This puts us in close proximity to several other church families as well. And, I like the fact that it IS close to the interstate. Inside the house, it is not noticeable 90% of the time, but because the interstate exit is close, driving in bad weather is usually not that bad.
I dislike several things about the location. It is close to almost nothing except what I mentioned before. Not close to my workplace or Randy's, or to the school, or to our families, or to a grocery store, bank, restaurant or post office. Now, country living is all right, but when nothing is close to anything else, it does make things complicated. Time-consuming, too. I dislike the proximity to all the other houses. If I'm going to live 6 miles from the grocery store, I'd like to have a little privacy. Things have gotten a little better between us & the neighbors, but it's not private enough.
The kids want to live in Pleasant View, in a subdivision, or somewhere they can be close to their friends & their houses. I understand that, but it is of no consequence. They hate it here, & by the time we repair our financial situation so that buying a new home is a possibility (rather than a huge leap that could bite us hard), they will be grown & gone & then I'll be here in this house without them. Then, I'll be looking for a place with NO land & NO privacy so I won't have to take care of the yard when Randy can't do it anymore.
In general, there is not a lot I just love about the house. I am fairly indifferent about most things about it. I don't hate the yard. I sort of like the color of the brick. I sort of like the fact that it's brick. Most of the things I like best are the things I had something to do with changing from the original. I like the central heat & air. I bought that. I like the floor in the living room. Randy installed that. I like the vinyl siding. My dad & brother added that. I like the bathroom we had repaired. I paid for that too.
When Granny died, I went to her house & picked up the country music DVD's I made for her. I joked that I always knew I'd have to bring those back home someday, but I figured by then I'd have more room to store them. And you know what? I still can't believe she's really gone. It just doesn't seem possible. I keep thinking that I'll go to her house & she'll be sitting there in that old blue chair that used to belong to Randy's dad, & she'll be watching basketball...or the Food Network...or the news, with the cat on her lap. But I know that's not true.
Anyway, I don't have much room to store the DVD's or anything else, either. I try not to envy the people who do, but it's hard when all your co-workers, your brother, & your kids' friends live in houses that are 2 or 3 times bigger than yours, with paved driveways & permanently installed dishwashers & more than one bathtub. I think, in general, that most Americans have more house than they need. Seems like everyone wants one that's bigger & better than the neighbors'. And, really, people build too many of them too. Here in TN, though, seems like once they get built, they get filled up. Where do these people come from??? This size house was fine for families 30 years ago, so why isn't it now??? We have too much stuff.
So, on that note, I'm going to bed. I can't sit here & ramble on about it. It makes me angry to think about Randy's attitude about it, the kids' attitude about it, my attitude about it, & the reality that no matter what attitude we have, we are stuck here for at least another year.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Can you feel the love tonight?
You could if you were here. I'm in my apron, drinking real milk, eating chocolate chips I just made with flour I just milled...the domestic earth mama has returned!
Just kidding, sort of???
Actually, after I came home dog tired last night, I did a lot of thinking. While I have no regrets about leaving my previous job for my current one - not by a long, long shot - the change in lifestyle has not been all it promised to be. Yet. I think it's coming. Right now I am still too broke to buy a hybrid with a plug for my mp3 player, or to have Randy bring the kids to Nashville on a weeknight so we can see live music after I get off work. For that matter, I have to get to bed really early on weeknights, because I have to leave the house by 6 am or I'll be late. Too many nights up past 9, & I can barely function by the end of the week. Ten hour days are tough. I get home 12.5 hours after I leave every day.
I've been broadening my horizons by listening to books on CD during the drives. So far I have listened to "Sisterchicks On the Loose," by Robin Jones Gunn, "The Year the Colored Sisters Came to Town," by Jacqueline Guidry, & now I'm listening to "I Hate to See that Evening Sun Go Down," a collection of short stories by William Gay. "Sisterchicks" is not my usual kind of read, but I enjoyed it. I was a little disappointed to learn that the next Sisterchicks book wasn't about the characters Penny and Sharon because I had really come to love them! My favorite so far is the Jacqueline Guidry book, but I'm enjoying the work of my fellow Tennessean. In one story a character is named "Stayrook," which is an unusual name but the maiden name of the mother of one of my best friends. Mr. Gay lives in Lewis County, & my friend's mom's family lives next door in Perry County. I have other friends in Perry County too, & I recognize some of the towns he mentions.
I am very thankful that Randy helps me a lot. I think he felt sorry for me there for awhile. I was in such a daze there for a few weeks, when Granny died & then Mom had bad test results. But, she is feeling a lot better & I am too. She has returned to work part-time, which is perfect, because it keeps her busy without wearing her out. She may go back to full-time, after she regains some of her strength. But one step at a time.
One step at a time in the changes in our lifestyle, too. For awhile I tried baking my own bread, making my own butter, & all that stuff, back when I was working part-time. There is something really wrong with the world when it is cheaper to buy canned carrots than fresh ones & to buy factory-made soap than homemade. Before I got this job, it was too costly to keep messing up practice loaves of bread. That's sad. Now, I don't have lots & lots of extra time (case in point: I need to go to bed NOW.) but I do still have a day off every week, besides the weekend, & so today, I spent a little time making old fashioned cookies. Yum.
Just kidding, sort of???
Actually, after I came home dog tired last night, I did a lot of thinking. While I have no regrets about leaving my previous job for my current one - not by a long, long shot - the change in lifestyle has not been all it promised to be. Yet. I think it's coming. Right now I am still too broke to buy a hybrid with a plug for my mp3 player, or to have Randy bring the kids to Nashville on a weeknight so we can see live music after I get off work. For that matter, I have to get to bed really early on weeknights, because I have to leave the house by 6 am or I'll be late. Too many nights up past 9, & I can barely function by the end of the week. Ten hour days are tough. I get home 12.5 hours after I leave every day.
I've been broadening my horizons by listening to books on CD during the drives. So far I have listened to "Sisterchicks On the Loose," by Robin Jones Gunn, "The Year the Colored Sisters Came to Town," by Jacqueline Guidry, & now I'm listening to "I Hate to See that Evening Sun Go Down," a collection of short stories by William Gay. "Sisterchicks" is not my usual kind of read, but I enjoyed it. I was a little disappointed to learn that the next Sisterchicks book wasn't about the characters Penny and Sharon because I had really come to love them! My favorite so far is the Jacqueline Guidry book, but I'm enjoying the work of my fellow Tennessean. In one story a character is named "Stayrook," which is an unusual name but the maiden name of the mother of one of my best friends. Mr. Gay lives in Lewis County, & my friend's mom's family lives next door in Perry County. I have other friends in Perry County too, & I recognize some of the towns he mentions.
I am very thankful that Randy helps me a lot. I think he felt sorry for me there for awhile. I was in such a daze there for a few weeks, when Granny died & then Mom had bad test results. But, she is feeling a lot better & I am too. She has returned to work part-time, which is perfect, because it keeps her busy without wearing her out. She may go back to full-time, after she regains some of her strength. But one step at a time.
One step at a time in the changes in our lifestyle, too. For awhile I tried baking my own bread, making my own butter, & all that stuff, back when I was working part-time. There is something really wrong with the world when it is cheaper to buy canned carrots than fresh ones & to buy factory-made soap than homemade. Before I got this job, it was too costly to keep messing up practice loaves of bread. That's sad. Now, I don't have lots & lots of extra time (case in point: I need to go to bed NOW.) but I do still have a day off every week, besides the weekend, & so today, I spent a little time making old fashioned cookies. Yum.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
you better stop and smell the roses
I wish I could smell today. I am congested. I dreamed that I was congested, & when I woke up, I knew why. So, we stayed home from church. We weren't planning a trip to see the family this afternoon because Mom had plans. She was planning to either celebrate my sister-in-law's birthday with her family, or her brother's birthday with his.
We didn't get invited to either of those. I didn't expect to be invited to my sister-in-law's family dinner. Randy's mom doesn't invite my brother & his family to Randy's birthday dinner (though I'm sure they'd be welcome). As for Mom's brother's big surprise blow-out (which is going on right now, so it's not a surprise anymore), I think they all believe we live SO FAR AWAY that we wouldn't be able to come. I tell myself this, so I won't think it's because they just don't want us around. Really, though, I think it's more like what I said. We live 25 miles away - only about 250 feet from the very county in which they live. I drive further than that to work every day. But because I don't live under foot in Ridgetop, I might as well still live in Kentucky, like I did FOURTEEN YEARS AGO.
As it turned out, I had a cold today anyway. Instead of rushing around today, wearing myself out, I'm taking a day of rest, hoping to feel better tomorrow when I hit the ground running & go back to work. Yesterday the whole family went to eat at the Blackhorse in Clarksville (half courtesy of Jostens, who gave a gift card as a Bingo prize at the employee picnic last week), then Rachel & I went shopping for awhile, until I got a blister on my foot. She & I were both tired & stressed by the time we got home. She spent the night with her friend Ashley, Derek spent the evening with his new Xbox 360 (which, I am proud to say, he sold other games, etc. to pay for!), & Randy laid on the bed watching TV while I watched "ER" & burned some Elvis stuff I had on TiVo to DVD for my personal collection. I just love the 70's concert with the light blue jumpsuit.
So, I guess I'd better get up & do some stuff to get my week organized. Fortunately, this week should be slightly easier than most because the kids are out of school & Randy's off work part of the week. If I can organize the household chores so that the house doesn't get too dirty & the clothes stay washed, then maybe the kids (Rachel, at least) can help with dinner, & maybe I won't be spending tons of money all the time. Of course, this means the kids will be eating me out of house & home...but not costing me as much in lunch money.
Later!
We didn't get invited to either of those. I didn't expect to be invited to my sister-in-law's family dinner. Randy's mom doesn't invite my brother & his family to Randy's birthday dinner (though I'm sure they'd be welcome). As for Mom's brother's big surprise blow-out (which is going on right now, so it's not a surprise anymore), I think they all believe we live SO FAR AWAY that we wouldn't be able to come. I tell myself this, so I won't think it's because they just don't want us around. Really, though, I think it's more like what I said. We live 25 miles away - only about 250 feet from the very county in which they live. I drive further than that to work every day. But because I don't live under foot in Ridgetop, I might as well still live in Kentucky, like I did FOURTEEN YEARS AGO.
As it turned out, I had a cold today anyway. Instead of rushing around today, wearing myself out, I'm taking a day of rest, hoping to feel better tomorrow when I hit the ground running & go back to work. Yesterday the whole family went to eat at the Blackhorse in Clarksville (half courtesy of Jostens, who gave a gift card as a Bingo prize at the employee picnic last week), then Rachel & I went shopping for awhile, until I got a blister on my foot. She & I were both tired & stressed by the time we got home. She spent the night with her friend Ashley, Derek spent the evening with his new Xbox 360 (which, I am proud to say, he sold other games, etc. to pay for!), & Randy laid on the bed watching TV while I watched "ER" & burned some Elvis stuff I had on TiVo to DVD for my personal collection. I just love the 70's concert with the light blue jumpsuit.
So, I guess I'd better get up & do some stuff to get my week organized. Fortunately, this week should be slightly easier than most because the kids are out of school & Randy's off work part of the week. If I can organize the household chores so that the house doesn't get too dirty & the clothes stay washed, then maybe the kids (Rachel, at least) can help with dinner, & maybe I won't be spending tons of money all the time. Of course, this means the kids will be eating me out of house & home...but not costing me as much in lunch money.
Later!
Monday, October 01, 2007
just a quick note...
Went to see Mom yesterday & she seems to be doing pretty well so far. She went to church & evidently to do a little shopping before she got home. She got tired after lunch but still seems to be doing so much better than last week! So things are improving!
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