Tuesday, September 15, 2009

how I wish, how I wish you were here...

One of my students plays that on his guitar just about every morning. That's right, I said My Students. I got a teaching job, left the doctor's office behind, and now I get up every morning and leave before daylight and get to work 35 minutes later...at about 6:30 every day. I get off work at 2:15 but usually work until bedtime, not always there, but sometimes I am there until time to pick up the D from football practice.

Life is sort of hard right now. I don't have time to update web pages...unless I am creating a webpage for my students to see what they've missed when they were out, and dang if there aren't four or five of those every day. In this really strange and hard-to-explain way, though, I really like it. I get aggravated from time to time but I do like my students. I think they like me. Some days they may not like me, but overall it goes pretty well. Was I born to do this? I don't know. I do know I wish I had done this a long time ago. I think when I was 22 I would have taken to it rather well. Is this why I never found a nuc job that made me happy? I don't know. I do know that if I'd been stayed at any one of several of them, I would have been there instead of at Vandy and I wouldn't have been laid off, and I wouldn't have been ready for a career change, or if I had been, I would have been afraid to make that change.

I believe I am where God wants me to be.

I can't convince my mother of that. She is terrified. I know she didn't worry so much when I worked at hospitals where I got called in at all hours and had to walk through dark parking garages and scary hallways, where I would have to be in the only car on the interstate amongst all those 18-wheelers, sometimes making two or even three 30-mile-one-way treks per night, then get up and do it all again the next day. She was probably blissfully unaware that I walked in danger then, when I would be all alone in a nuclear medicine or ultrasound department, just me with a patient. Some of those rooms didn't have emergency call buttons or if they did, they'd be ringing at some empty desk if pulled in the middle of the night. I worried back then. Would the patient fall while I was in the other room getting his dose? Or would he jump me and leave me in the cold, empty department to die? Would I hurt myself trying to move him with no help because my dose would expire before help came? Would I have to walk to the other hospital, outside in the dark or through those dark, scary hallways, trying to get the films to the radiologist? Then possibly have to take more pictures?

So far, school is much less scary.

I do sometimes look at my teaching friends who don't have to drive 35 miles to work, or who teach at their kids' schools or who teach at schools closer to home, or where I grew up, and I think, surely it would it have been easier there. But would it really? My tires might have been slashed after my son's team beat their school's team in football. My kids would be mortified if I told stories on them at their school.

It is hard work. I have no free time. I should be working on my lesson plan for tomorrow right now. No, really I should have already done it. But, I was looking at Blogger thinking this might be a good way for me to help those kids who come in every week, already behind, needing to know what they need to do to catch up. I am going to make that blog a little more private than this one, but, I think it'll be here on Blogger after all. Anyway, say a prayer for me and for Mom too, will ya? She needs all our prayers and please, ask God to comfort her about me too. I think I'm going to be all right.

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