Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wake me up when September ends

I seem to remember complaining a lot last September too, & using this song as a mantra. Well, I didn't know crap.

I had a stress test last September. Band kept me extremely busy, as did the rest of Rachel's social life. A quote from last September: "And there were parents at the first band boosters meeting who wanted to know why we weren't going to MORE contests. These are people who don't have a blanking life...I just mean, anyone who thinks our band (or any band, for that matter) needs to go to more than six contests in eight weeks (and really, they're going to seven - they're doing two one weekend) is certifiable."

Another quote from last September: "The hemorrhage of money is unbelievable. I know people told me this before I had a high schooler, but I didn't realize just how serious this problem would be. I don't think I would've believed them if they'd had the words to convey the reality to me. It's like this. Imagine your fingers representing your paycheck, after taxes. Now look at your pinky. Now imagine all the other fingers, and the top two sections of your pinky were cut off. See what would be left? THIS is what you have to live on until your next check. Oh, and by the way, the cupboard is bare and your mortgage and two car payments are due. Good luck."

Nice to know some things never change, ha ha. Seriously, although we are still hemorrhaging cash, at least we are a little better off this September there. Randy played the Toy Run again this year, like he did last September, among many other gigs. Funny, I don't feel like his playing helped us financially one iota, but my new job kind of took up the slack there.

Ah, but then life got really interesting.

I missed Granny today, when I thought, she knows how I feel. But she can't tell me now.

I woke up this morning in a terrible mood, & nothing seemed to go my way. The dishes were piled high when I got out of bed. There was trash on the floor, & the trash can was overflowing, & there were no trash bags in the kitchen. (There were some in the garage, though!) It rained so the drive stunk. Work went okay. In fact, after lunch, things did seem to go somewhat smoother, but if they'd gotten any worse than they were at 12:30, I would've thought God hated me.

Today, we learned why Mom's been in so much pain. I don't think I can forget the look on her face when she came out of that room. I have never seen that much sadness on her face. But like I told her, at least now we know why, & now they can treat her. They are trying something different this time - a hormone therapy. Hey, in six months she could be out doing everything she wants to do again & making me look like an old lady.


I do feel a lot older this September than last. I can't explain that. Oh, sure, I'm 40 now. I have tons more energy, thanks to the CPAP, but I kind of like I did one day in college, when I got a stomach virus while I worked at the daycare. When I threw up, I had to clean it up. Nobody was there to take care of me. We didn't even have a janitor to do it. That was the day I realized - I was the grownup now.

I'm fortunate - I still have my dad, & my mom, & my granddaddy. But now it is my turn to be strong. That makes me feel old. Daddy calls me & asks me about Granny's stuff. I haven't talked to Granddaddy yet. Oh, that's going to be hard for him to take. I am glad it wasn't me who had to tell him.

So keep us - especially Mom - in your prayers. Also, if anyone knows of any assistance programs we could apply for, please let me know. Mom has been working, but she's not going to be able to do that anymore for a while - possibly not ever. I mean, they probably can't hold that job open for that long. I don't want Mom to have to worry about money.

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