Right now, I am not happy. Oh, I love my kids & Randy & all my family, my friends, my church family, my pets & even my car. And, that's about it.
I am sick of waiting. You would think if a company is looking for someone, they would be jumping on the chance to call a potential applicant. THEY WOULDN'T WAIT ALL DAY TO CALL BACK. This is NOT "Job X" which I have mentioned in the past. I will call this one "Job Y" as in Y haven't they called just to TALK to me? Do I have THAT bad of a reputation in Nashville? Maybe I do. At least "Job X" thought I was worth talking to, even though they have given me NOTHING to hold onto for hope.
Does God really want me where I am? I work with people who despise & belittle me. I need more hours, which I can't get, so financially, I live on the edge, scraping to pay for gas & groceries after paying bills & trying to pay off debts. I have to borrow money for school supplies & birthday gifts.
And then there's home. The house is OK. I have enough sentimentality for it to mean a lot to me, even though it's too far from Nashville & my family. It would still be all right, but every day one neighbor calls & asks for some sacrifice from me. A ride somewhere...or money...or cigarettes...it is a constant drain on me. If I relax, put on pajamas & kick off my shoes, the phone rings. Do I have to die to get out of this situation? I really am in no hurry to do that.
I thought "Job X" would be His way out of that job, if not this neighborhood. But I have to face the reality that this may be it - all I get on this earth. And even though I know there are people who have it a lot worse, I am not happy about that reality. I love God, but I am having a really hard time with this.