Only Thou art holy...

I have noticed that most churches have songs or stories they really like. When I was a kid, I went to a church called Bethel. We had lots of songs we sang often, but I do remember the story of how Jacob had a dream and named the place Bethel. My cousins went to a church called Ebenezer. They liked that song with the line, "Here I raise mine Ebenezer." Even now, when I hear the song, "O Little Town of Bethlehem," I think of Bethlehem Baptist out in the country. At Trinity, where Rachel was baptized, they liked "Holy, Holy, Holy," with the line, "God in three persons, blessed Trinity."

I went to Trinity for four or five years. We started there when Rachel was just big enough to ask to go to the church with the orange crackers, before Derek was born, and we left when she was in the first grade. I hated leaving, in a way, but some things about it really got on my nerves. I went there tonight to see Billie and her family. Usually the funeral home has visitation at the funeral home but I guess they're pretty crowded right now. It was nice to go to the church because it was only 5 miles from here compared to the 14 or so to the funeral home.

I chose this song, though, because it is truly a worship song, even though it was traditionally number 1 in the Baptist Hymnal (as opposed to being projected onto a screen), even though it as written a long, long time ago (and not in the 1990's), even though it sounds like a hymn and not a praise chorus. I've always liked it even before our Trinity days. This morning I went to Madisonville to the annual women's conference. I would've gone back for the evening session if I hadn't been planning to go to the visitation. I don't regret going to the visitation instead. That was needed. I told my friend Karen that I wanted one of them to have a prophetic vision or something for me... I wish I could get a little more insight into what God wants me to do. It was good though. I enjoyed it.

It's not what I did, it's what I didn't do.

First let me say that I'm not referring to my marriage. Right now, that's fine. No complaints.

I picked this song for the title because today I've been bothered a bit by the mistakes I made in the past. While typing that sentence I wondered how many mistakes I've blogged about. I thought I'd read the entries from the month that had the most, July 2007...but I couldn't read them all because I remembered where they led, where I went the next few months. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I got the job I had wanted, the job that ended 18 months later. I had two grandparents living then...I don't have either one now. But that wasn't my fault and neither was the loss of my job. Still, even now I wonder how different my life would be if I'd stayed at Skyline instead of going to Clarksville Cardiology and then Vandy and then Dr. Mishra's and then Glencliff and then Springfield. I don't regret moving from Madisonville, or leaving the VA or leaving Northcrest. I would go back to any of them if offered the right job, but I don't regret any moves before leaving Skyline.

I don't know that regret is the right word for how I feel about the other moves. I had my reasons for leaving all of them. I thought Vandy would give me a more secure future and help get my kids through college. I thought I could make peace with my situation working for Dr. Mishra, but it was everything I didn't like about working in nuclear cardiology. I left the Cliff because I wanted to teach closer to home. I don't regret going to Springfield, and I'm not sure I regret going into teaching, but, I miss working in health care. And, I miss the money I used to make.

Nuclear medicine technology is an oft-misunderstood profession, as I've learned over the years, even since I left the field, as I wrote last night. All those years, I felt like it sounded impressive but it wasn't. Now, I think, that DID sound impressive, and in some ways it was, and all the while, I didn't like it.

I feel like I haven't done much with my life. I've raised two great kids, and for that I'm very happy and thankful. Otherwise, I've spent too much time eating, playing on the computer, driving too much, writing about nonsense, and learning about trivia. I haven't written anything great or accomplished great things either for God or my family. I live from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes fall in the gap in between.

I haven't even made the most of this summer. I haven't cleaned the house as well as I should've, gotten in shape, or done enough fun stuff. Heck, I haven't even worked hard enough, because I haven't planned at all for this coming semester. And, it's coming fast. Not only that, but I've bitten off more than I can chew. But, I've done that for a reason. I have to do what I have to do.

Right now, I need to do laundry. So, I'll write more later.

Ain't got time to fix the shingles, ain't got time to fix the floor

I haven't written in awhile because life has been busy, as usual. I have done a lot of journaling in my personal, hand-written journal, but I haven't done a lot online because I just haven't felt like sharing everything that runs through my mind. Since my Madisonville trip, I haven't done much worth writing about anyway.

The weather here has been weird. We've had some cold weather followed by warm days followed by strong winds & more cold. We didn't have power one night this week. (That was the night some of our shingles got torn off the house!) I was gone all the next evening, & the night after that, Randy had the computer all torn up trying to fix another computer. (Don't ask.) Anyway, if I'd wanted to write, this week wouldn't have been a good time. I don't have a lot of time to write today either. My granddaddy's sister died the other day & in a little while I have to get ready to go to her funeral. She was 89 & had been ailing for a long time. I think the weather will be nice for the trip. Today is supposed to be a lot warmer than the last few days, but when I walked the dog at 8 am, it was still mighty cold to me.

My mood lately has been...well, sort of nasty. I have been irritated quite easily the last couple of days. I feel like a blimp, but I can't make myself get charged up about any kind of physical activity. I am trying to eat better, but I still slip up. Maybe I'm improving there a little bit, just a little. The desire of my heart is to do more singing, but I can't really figure out where I'm supposed to do that when there are no open doors around me. I do like my job most of the time, but some days I still wonder what I'm doing in nuclear medicine when I'm such a sloppy klutz. Sometimes I hate my house, but I don't have the time, money, or emotional energy to fix it up or do what it takes to move. We're talking about refinancing, but I've got to wait until the insurance company lets us know if they're going to repair our roof! In general, I do feel more positive about life than I did a few weeks ago, but I am in desperate need of a new attitude!

Well, I'm going to get on with my day. I don't have time to sit here in front of the computer.

I wouldn't take nothin' for my journey now

Yesterday was my day off. I had been kind of sentimental for a place I used to live, so I took a road trip to Madisonville, KY. I just wanted to reminisce, I guess, & I wanted to see what had changed & what was still the same.

Recently I re-read Vestal Goodman's autobiography (and, as you can see on my last post, I've been enjoying their music lately too). They lived in Madisonville before we did. The day we moved there, we passed a church & Mom said, "I think that's the Happy Goodmans' church." It wasn't. Even if it had been, they were already gone - the family wasn't performing together anymore & most of them had moved elsewhere. I've written about them before here. And, even when I wrote that, I was looking for an excuse to visit again. I wanted to put things together in my mind...to see their old church, because I couldn't recall it anymore...to see where we lived on Princeton Road...& other places.

So, I went to Madisonville. I prayed about it, & I felt even more strongly that I needed to go. I went to the library, drove by several places, & took a few pictures. Here are a few.


Here is the first place we lived in Madisonville, the afore-mentioned place on Princeton Road. The apartment on the very end, nearest the camera, is the one. We lived there for a month, before we moved to the opposite end of the complex. It was a wild time. I took this picture from the parking lot of the Elks lodge. Lodges were a pretty foreign concept to me when I moved there. The Elks had bingo once a week. The letters on the outside of the building are "BPOE" which stands for Benevolent Protective Order of Elks. I always said it stood for Bingo Players Of Elks number whatever it was.

When we were deciding where to move, I said, "I can't live anywhere there's not a Dairy Queen." I wasn't really serious. Now I very seldom go to a Dairy Queen! But that goes back to my childhood, when the closest fast food was the Dairy Queen in Goodlettsville!


The next photo is of El Bracero, which obviously used to be a KFC. When we moved to Madisonville, it was Video-Ville, which is now located across town. We called it Chicken Video. It is still located in the building which once housed "Club Radical," an attempt to become a Christian teen hangout. When Video-Ville moved over there, we started calling it "Radical Chicken." I didn't get a picture of that place. I took this picture from the parking lot of the old laundromat where I used to go every Tuesday night & wash clothes. I watched "Growing Pains," "Coach," & "thirtysomething" every week while I washed. The laundromat seemed fresh & neat compared to the other ones in town...now it is closed, & the inside looks trashed.

This next picture is where Randy worked back then, the Messenger.

Finally, this last picture is a special place. One night when Rachel was a baby & I was angry at God about a lot of things - well, I don't want to get into all that - I wanted God to prove to me that He was real. Like a brash youngster, I was demanding & I basically said that if He didn't prove Himself to me I wouldn't raise my baby in church. Shortly after that - seven seconds, to be exact - a lady from that church called me. Rachel is a beautiful young lady now who really has God in her life & wants to get into ministry.

Vestal Goodman mentioned this church in her book as well. After the book was written, her nephew Kris Goodman became the pastor there. Yesterday I went into that church & told my story to Pastor Kris. It's strange, but after I told him my story, I felt like I could put things in the past & go on & do what God has for me to do now. I am not sure exactly what He wants - I never have been - but I know He will show me the way.



Speaking of what God wants me to do now...on Tuesday night I went to the Bridge again. I have spent an hour & a half here at the computer writing about my Madisonville trip, so I'm not going to write about the Bridge tonight, but I'll try & tell that story next time.

Never say goodbye.

Tonight I'm going to wax nostalgic for a bit.

You see, here in Middle Tennessee, a unique and special man is leaving the airwaves, signing off after 41 years on the air. Well, maybe he was actually on air somewhere before 1967, but he's been at NewsChannel 5 since 1966. His name is Chris Clark.

Chris Clark has been at Channel 5 ALL MY LIFE. Not that the man is old. He is 68, but he looks like he's got plenty of years left. One of my co-workers said, "I remember when he came to Channel 5." I said, "I don't." Other news reporters have come & gone. The "competition," WSMV, Channel 4, has been home to John Tesh & Pat Sajak. Chris himself hired a young Oprah Winfrey. On the Channel 5 website, it says he is the longest-running anchor in Channel 5 history. Well, DUH! I wonder how many news reporters ANYWHERE have lasted at one station longer than 41 years. Not many, I would wager.

Here is an excerpt (well, most of) the e-mail I sent to Chris:

I was born in Nashville in 1967 & have lived in the Channel 5 Viewing Area
my entire life - in Ridgetop, Goodlettsville, Greenbrier, Clarksville, & Pleasant View. When I was 22 & moved to Madisonville, KY, I was so relieved to see that WTVF was on the local cable!!! My husband can vouch for the fact that when I was homesick, I would watch Channel 5 just to get a little dose of home. (Although I was known to cry at the sight of a Tennessee Pride sausage commercial. Something about tasting the sunrise, I guess.)

Chris, you have been one of the family. Your smiling face entered our living room every night at 6 sharp. When I was starting kindergarten my mom said, "You'll sit at a desk," & immediately I thought of Chris Clark & the news desk at Channel 5. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed when I got to school!

NewsChannel 5 without Chris Clark will be like fries without ketchup & cereal without milk - it'll still be NewsChannel 5 but it won't be the same!!!

Wishing you all life's blessings & especially a long, healthy & happy retirement!

I didn't share the story about my grandparents' dog, Dixie. She used to get excited at 10 pm every night because it was time for her evening treat. Granddaddy swore she could tell time because she would look at the clock. I countered that it was because she recognized Chris Clark's voice over the TV. Maybe we were both right.

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said about this man who has, in my mind, been synonymous with Channel 5 and Nashville news in general. When I was a kid, I thought he was at least as knowledgeable & popular as Walter Cronkite; as a young adult, I realized he was only human & wasn't perfect about everything, but you have to say this for the man - a more dedicated newsman you'll never find. I mean, 41 years at one job! That says it all.

Best wishes, Chris - we'll see you then.

Who am I?

That's an old Rusty Goodman song I have just learned. Rusty Goodman takes me back once again to my Madisonville, KY days. I mentioned that period of my life, along with faith, not too long ago.

I didn't know the Happy Goodman family back in the day. They left Madisonville about the time I moved in. Rusty & Sam died during the time I was there, & I clearly recall Rusty's funeral services being held there. Howard & Vestal still came to town sometimes then & I recall seeing them one weekend at Shoney's. Funny thing was, I had just seen them the week before when I was in Hendersonville helping Mom put up the flowers for a Homecoming Concert.

Well, I would write more but i'm dozing. Later.

Well, I thought I did this right.

OK. Today I am going to finish what I started last night. I want to sing. I want to visit Madisonville, but with gas at $3 an hour I guess that will have to wait until I REALLY get in the mood to go. Then I have to come up with a better reason to go, like a wedding or funeral or something.

Now that I am this far into this missive, I see that the first one did not go through. I'm going to try sending this one, & then write more.